Derealisation, Or...?

For as long as I can remember, I've had periods of time where everything I do seems unfamiliar. For example, I could be walking down the exact same streets I'd walk to get home from school my entire life, and suddenly find them looking completely foreign, and the world would just look... foggy. In another instance, that street might seem familiar, but in the way that remembering something about a dream after you'd woken up might; not entirely real, vivid anyway, but also just slightly "off". My skin feels unfamiliar. I recognize my face in the mirror, but really have no idea who I am.

Sometimes, there's just this overwhelming sense of just "going through the motions". I know what I'm doing, and why I should be doing it, and I'm very much present and in the moment, but I still feel disconnected from it all at the same time. This gets worse when I'm anxious or frightened, so I'm sure it's just a symptom of that.

I've had a few points in my life where I've had trouble discerning between things that I'd only dreamt of and things that had actually happened. Conversations that I couldn't really be sure I'd actually had, for example. Nothing concrete. Nothing that I could really physically prove one way or the other. Just... odd bits of information in my mind that would never really add up. I know I've mentioned a few things to people that have had them look at me strange: supposed shared memories or happenings that they don't remember. For it to be that extreme is rare enough that even now, I can't be sure that it's not just a case of the other person not remembering.

Those have become less frequent over the years, thankfully. I regularly feel foggy and disconnected, but I've sort of just learnt to accept that.

Recently, especially the last few weeks, though, everything has taken on this dream-like quality on occasion. In those moments (hours, minutes, whatever they may be), it's hard for me to match reality up with actually being reality. Things I know are real seem like dreams, or distant memories. Everything just has this sense of being completely unreal, even though I rationally know that it is. Relationships with people around me feel distant, almost like I'm remembering a long-forgotten friend from childhood that I hadn't seen or thought of in years, if that makes any sense at all.

The closest I can describe it is to that feeling just after you've woken up from a dream, and you can still remember most of the details, but are aware that you're now awake, and that everything that just happened is separate from where you are now. I feel like I'm just sort of groping through things in my day to day life without really processing any of it. Nothing. Feels. Real.

I guess another example would be the hours after a high-dose
psychedelic trip, when you're brain and ego are able able to separate what was part of the trip, and what wasn't just an induced hallucination. I don't know. Those are the only two things I can relate the feeling to.

In a way, it feels like an awakening, but at the same time, it feels completely unfamiliar and foggy and just... not good.

This isn't a constant feeling, but it's damn well the most disturbing feeling that I've had. I'm sure I'm not the first person ever to have felt it, but I personally have no idea how to handle it. I'm emotionally drained. I miss feeling like I'm actually in the moment, not just floating around on some periphery of it.

I don't, for the record, think that drugs or drinking have anything to do with this. I don't drink. I rarely, if ever, party anymore, and I've even quit smoking in the last year. I take Wellbutrin daily, but as this is something I've experienced prior to starting that, I don't imagine it's got too much to do with it.

I don't know what my point in typing all this is. I guess I just needed to share? Maybe someone has some sage advice? anything? I dunno. I feel sort of dumb for saying anything, but I really had to get it out. I have literally never mentioned this to anyone in my life, ever.

Sounds like dissociation to me. Check out the following link for a more detailed explanation of possibilities.

NAMI | Dissociative Disorders

Have you ever been treated for PTSD? That's another thought, I had, where derealization is concerned. Hang in there. Getting seen by a neurologist, can also help, make sure you don't have something going on with the physical part of your brain. Lesions on the brain or a Seizure disorder, types of things, may cause this, too.

Walking around, in a fog, dreamlike state, especially during a high anxiety moment. Something that sounds like it needs to be treated.

Thanks.
I went to see a doctor for a follow-up, and finally got a recommendation for a psychiatrist. Hopefully that can happen soon, and then maybe I can properly start treating things, instead of just guessing haphazardly as to what's wrong with me.

I get the same way! Sometimes it feels like I'm in some sort of vacuum, like I'm not really here. I'm just an observer of what's going on around me. Even when I'm outside in an open area it feels like I'm enclosed inside of a vacuum. When I get like that I can get claustrophobic even in the middle of the dessert! Wide open space but it still feels like I'm stuck inside. I have to be careful not to dwell on it when I get like that. I have never told anyone about that feeling either. I hope you are feeling better

Im sorry we cant tell you whether this is derealization or not only your treatment providers can do that...what we can tell you is what these same problems were called in ourselves......

in me these problems were called by many different things depending upon other accompanying symptoms like....

medication problems/medication side effects/
residual side effects from being in the same room in which people I knew were doing drugs
alcohol side effects
sleep deprivation
anxiety/panic disorder
PTSD
and many many more things too...

if you google your symptoms you will find that there are well over 500 million things what you wrote in your post can be....

one thing that helps me in trying to figure something out is reading my past posts. sometimes I forget something that my treatment providers have called a group of my symptoms and reading my posts reminds me of what those symptoms are called...

I know this thread is a bit old but thought I would add to it.

I sometimes used to get claustrophobia and feeling not real, an observer. my treatment providers told me with in me, that group of symptoms together isnt part of the dissociative disorder derealization because it is feeling closed in and panic where as derealization/dissociation is a sense of numbness, lack of feelings. I was put on some meds and I no longer get claustrophobic...just an idea that may help you when you get to feeling this way.

Maybe mild psychosis, loss of touch with reality. Difficulty discerning what is real life and what is a dream. Sometimes I feel like I'm having a dream on top of my life- whatever I'm looking at will have it's real form and then the dream form merged on top of it.

I call what you've described derealization. I have it all the time. It's gone on for almost 25 years for me, I hate it, and have never found any treatment that lessens it even a little bit. There is a forum online about derealization: Depersonalization Community