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#1
Sep 15, 2013, 05:16 AM
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Thusly, as the title reads; I do NOT belong. And it's starting to get difficult for me now.
I've always been like this since I was about 9; just feeling I was somehow 'different' from most other kids, I have no idea why or how, it's just how I felt. I had separation anxiety- I think, and didn't go to junior school for a week no idea why, the other kids weren't like this :/ I also had problems in high school I never felt close to anyone and I was constantly bullied. The friends I did make used to ***** about eachother alot, play mind games with me, ignore me, play 'piggy in the middle' with me when they fell out with eachother etc... I spend my time doing solitary pursuits. Apparently I may have aspergers but I doubt it; many of the people I know who have aspergers are very social!! I think I am just a loner. Another thing is, I also don't feel like I fit in because of all this beauty business that alot of girls aged 18-20 something are into...fashion and whatnot...It just doesn't interest me :/ I also feel more tomboyish & although I do NOT wear men's clothing at all I do FEEL tomboyish in my head & tend to prefer casual clothing to anything high street or too 'glossy' lol. Then again I don't know if this is because I feel I'm not 'pretty' enough to bother with fashion too much...or what You know I get told I am stunning etc but, you know I never believe it I've lost drastic interest in eating or drinking properly or much at all tbh or doing the things I used to enjoy way back in high school (about 6 years ago now). Just feels pointless. It all does :/ dunno why though and that's what I'm asking..... :/ IMPORTANT NOTE: I DID have a condition which caused me a lot of grief at school. I was phobic of using the potty so held my poop in when I was being potty trained. Needless to say I got impacted quite a bit, overflow diarrhea, & had leaks in pants (had to wear pads) which other kids found out about...Then when I moved to high school the kids from my Junior school told everyone in High school -__-' It's better nowadays, I don't get impactions, overflow or leaks (just skidmarks sometimes). I hardly take my Movicol I was prescribed a year ago and Dr Pepper, caffeine & hot water seem to help. I've been every day this week. BUT it can sidetrack sometimes out of the blue and I won't go for a day or two- or is that just normal? BUT the memories of the trauma (and for a young kid it WAS a trauma) are still at the back of my head. THAT's why I feel so isolated from people I think, I mean I would anyway but...all that made it worse... I got really worried a few months ago because I read up about megacolon (think that's what I have from all the holding I did as a kid) and it looks awful & scary and worried me still slightly does. Anything to do with diarrhea does (I took a pill which made me gush like a waterfall when I was 6-needless to say I was traumatized of diarrhea after), I have to have a rectal exam so doctors can see if I can be diagnosed with slow transit bowel or megacolon but I'm too yucky and nervous to go I hate things up my bum, I have no problem things coming OUT, just can't cope with things going UP it (I had an enema put up a reluctant 7 year old me and think that ALSO traumatized me). THEN AGAIN maybe I should just stfu and just DO IT. :L Last edited by Anonymous100107; Sep 15, 2013 at 05:39 AM. |
 allme, Arethusa, avlady, dumburn, healingme4me, kindachaotic, shezbut, tinyrabbit
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#2
Sep 15, 2013, 05:23 AM
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Used to feel that, at your age! Tomboy thinking, yep! That's me! Guess where it gets me now? Can talk 'shop'(aka sports) with the fellas!
 Plus, I was blessed with three boys, to raise, so all that tomboy stuff, is paying off. Not being into fashion, that was me, not now, but then. I used to feel like an outcast, misunderstood. I did have friends, don't get me wrong, but I do identify with your loner word mention. I've grown into a person, that has a handful of close knit friends, and I can interact with all kinds of people, because of how I felt when I was younger, and just floating between the various types of groups/cliques, in school. Can you talk more about eating? Are you, at least, getting the necessary nutritional value from you diet? |
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#3
Sep 15, 2013, 05:26 AM
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[QUOTE Can you talk more about eating? Are you, at least, getting the necessary nutritional value from you diet?[/QUOTE]
I dunno. Recently i've just been taking a women's health pill and lots of water. Sometimes I eat a little something like a bit of fruit but recently very little or zilch. Jus don't feel like it |
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#4
Sep 15, 2013, 05:30 AM
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Just wanted to let you know I feel the same way. I don't fit in or belong anywhere either and am quite a loner myself. All you can do is be you, no one can ask anymore than that.
__________________
’’In the end, it’s not going to matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away’’ |
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#5
Sep 15, 2013, 05:45 AM
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Quote:
 I'm still a bit novel 'round these parts, but I've gotten sort of close with a couple people. If you were to mention me they might tell you I'm not exactly straight off the assembly line... but then again, I would venture to say that's pretty on par for the user base here. And for a lot of people in the world generally. Quote:
Stunning- btw, is a pretty hefty compliment. In my experience, that is not really a 50 cent throw away? Not like sexy or hot... or even pretty or beautiful? I think people are a little more frugal with "stunning", though I may be incorrect in my limited experience, maybe more people can weigh in on that. Back to the whole fashion thing- there is "fashion" and then there is "style"... at 19, I had very little sense of either, and frankly didn't give a crap. Why should you if you don't care? Either way it's no judgement of your character. If you don't care, then don't and don't let it bother you. As you move on in your life you will develop more of a sense of personal style and settle into it and define it- and that, I REALLY think, is above the general sense of fashion that exists today. But ya know, I'm just some 30-something on an internet board  Quote:
Quote:
This is what you should pay attention to. The rest of it, though it may be uncomfortable and perhaps awkard and lead you to quesiton yourself and perhaps your place in the world- it may all be transitory. The food/appetite/ interest thing is of concern Quote:
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 H3rmit, shezbut
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#6
Sep 15, 2013, 10:28 AM
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When I was maybe 13-17 I HATED kids around me. They were a different species with their drinking parties, whorish make up and clothes shopping several times a week.
I stayed home reading books and painted. I was happy alone but secretly I wished someone just like me would come along, but that never happened.... I saw this study about teens and social intelligence, and it comes out as the teen brain suddenly change into this social creature they are at that age, their social intelligence and empathy plummets! LOL. No wonder teens are often so cruel and shallow.... It came out I actually was an aspie, but I don't feel much like that group either. Many of them have worse social problems than me, less mood issues, they want to socialize and can't, I can socialize but I don't want to (just a bit).
__________________
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| H3rmit
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#7
Sep 15, 2013, 11:34 AM
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My son is in the hospital after ODing on my meds, I think he has social anxiety disorder. We are waiting for the for diagnosis, but not sure.
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| A Red Panda, kindachaotic, shezbut
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#8
Sep 15, 2013, 11:43 AM
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Quote:
 Well, this great Canadian novel did describe it that way: 2 - Fifth Business : "The painting was skilled, and the face beautiful, if you dismiss from your mind the whorish mask that modern cosmetics have substituted for beauty and think of the human face." |
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#9
Sep 15, 2013, 12:07 PM
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Quote:
__________________
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| H3rmit
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| H3rmit
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#10
Sep 15, 2013, 03:49 PM
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I don't fit in anywhere either. People think I'm normal and okay, but inside I know better. I know I'm worthless, empty, stupid and I feel like I stand out in every situation (work, the store, even Starbucks). I'm so tired of feeling this way. So tired. Alone. Miserable. I wonder what it must be like to be a normal person, not feel sad all the time, empty and pathetic.
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| H3rmit, shezbut
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#11
Sep 16, 2013, 12:55 AM
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Quote:
__________________
"It's hard to answer the question - What's wrong? - when nothing's right." 
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| shezbut
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#12
Sep 22, 2013, 07:14 AM
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Quote:
Funny that because apparently, from my behaviour as a youngster, I too may have a mild form of aspergers...Everyone thinks it is possible. Furthermore I did a quiz & it came out as being possible/likely, and some of my closest friends have the syndrome o.O |
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#13
Sep 22, 2013, 07:16 AM
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Quote:
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#14
Sep 22, 2013, 11:55 AM
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Quote:
__________________
"The time has come, the Walrus said, to talk of many things. Of shoes, of ships, of sealing wax, of cabbages, of kings! Of why the sea is boiling hot, of whether pigs have wings..." "I have a problem with low self-esteem. Which is really ridiculous when you consider how amazing I am. |
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#15
Sep 22, 2013, 12:42 PM
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Asperger's is not only about an inability to socialize. It also includes sensitivities and detail thinking (their filters let more through) which can cause chronic stress, anxiety and depression. They often have one or a few interests they dig deep into, or they have a generally deeper understanding of several things while "normals" just scratch the surface. They also often have a lower muscle tone, and can have dyspraxia, mild or more severe. Some have terrible executive functioning skills. Some cannot automatize actions much at all. There are loads more than the social piece.
Every aspie is different. Some have an extreme aversion to touch or the smallest sounds, some manage it better, some have extreme and narrow special interests, some don't, some do not know how to socialize, some socialize quite well (at least on the outside). I'm seen as a pretty mild case because I have friends and I can socialize. In a way it sort of doesn't do me justice. I have a terrible time with routine, I have to do something many many many more times to get something resembling an autopilot. I have a poor sense of time and I have very poor executive functioning skills. I know the popular view is to see Asperger's as a social disorder and our diagnostic manual might even rename it Social reciprocity disorder!!! It's not all it is.
__________________
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| shezbut
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| shezbut
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#16
Sep 22, 2013, 07:24 PM
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Quote:
Though I don't believe I mentioned some other issues: noise and touch (though not nearly as bad as when I was younger, and now I have the option to avoid a lot of situations or make specific accommodations for myself). Also, though I am not DX' d with aspergers, I am on the spectrum- I do have a special interest aspect to my personality... brains anyone? I mean, I am different, I have stuff to accommodate in my life... But aren't we all and don't we all? Really the only point of me getting a diagnosis was gaining an understanding in context, acquiring management skills to work around what I needed to, and any limited accommodations necessary for the stuff I might not be able to figure out strictly on my own. |
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#17
Sep 23, 2013, 08:25 AM
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Are you getting any professional therapy to address the mental issues you are having. Many family aspects of our lives and genetics can impact on the way we feel and the physical issues that you have mentioned are in themselves traumatic and horrid.
Please seek professional help. Life can get better.
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#18
Sep 24, 2013, 01:43 PM
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Quote:
__________________
A "Stephen Hawking institute of technology"? That's ****! |
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#19
Sep 24, 2013, 02:45 PM
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RE:
"Originally Posted by LDarcyRose But if you know how to socialize you don't have autism..." Quote:
still not precisely correct. |
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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