[MotownJohnny]

I have been posting here a lot in the two months since I found this place. When I read my own posts, I realize just how far I've fallen from the man I aspired to be, even though I never got all that close in the best of times. I guess desperation does that, depression, anxiety, and despair.

I turned last year to psychiatry because I wanted help and relief from my problems. I very much felt that I was treated extremely unfairly, like it was a criminal, dangerous, incapable of knowing what was in my own best interest. I needed kindly, gentle reassurance, but I got the iron fist and "tough love" without the love.

As a result, I've lied, I've covered things up, I've done acts of questionable nature, and I have generally become the crazy I feared becoming. My entire last 13 months have been about trying to fix the damage caused by seeking professional help and having it blow up in my face. Not even close to fixing it. And I hate myself more than ever.

i feel your pain.

i mean... for example, in my case, when i was a child i dreamed of everything i could do with my life, never did i se myself with so many issues... 1 of them being agoraphobia

i hope that we both find some meaning, somewhere. even if just a bit

[MoxieDoxie]

I feel like I am battling my therapist and trying not to lose myself in the process. It makes me wonder if I should cut and run but some how i am dependent on this battle as a purpose in life. I would feel lost and empty with out him and it in my life. Holy cow what am I even saying?

[here today]

MTJ, I can feel for where you might be. Personal MH problems combined with ineffectiveness and hurtfulness with the MH system itself. Not a good "mix". Sounds like you're coping the best you can. I didn't cope so well sometimes, either. Finally got a skilled competent therapist and making good progress. Don't quite recognize myself now because . . . I'm different. More good different than otherwise. . . but still scary, kind of unknown, one step and day at a time.

[mzunderstood79]

I completely understand what you mean....and it helps more than you know to see that I am not as alone as I usually feel. Thank you and may God bless you!

[Thorn Bird]

Originally Posted by MotownJohnny

I have been posting here a lot in the two months since I found this place. When I read my own posts, I realize just how far I've fallen from the man I aspired to be, even though I never got all that close in the best of times. I guess desperation does that, depression, anxiety, and despair.

I turned last year to psychiatry because I wanted help and relief from my problems. I very much felt that I was treated extremely unfairly, like it was a criminal, dangerous, incapable of knowing what was in my own best interest. I needed kindly, gentle reassurance, but I got the iron fist and "tough love" without the love.

As a result, I've lied, I've covered things up, I've done acts of questionable nature, and I have generally become the crazy I feared becoming. My entire last 13 months have been about trying to fix the damage caused by seeking professional help and having it blow up in my face. Not even close to fixing it. And I hate myself more than ever.

I think at the beginning of treatment it does seem as if they are using tough love whereas I think this works in some cases in others you for example who are obviously sensitive it seems a bit harsh - but maybe in order to move forward you have to look at yourself in your entirety in order to progress. Try not to take it too personally which I know is easier said than done. The very fact that you have both insight and compassion is in your favor, you are also probably rebelling to the help as some sort of defense mechanisim - But, if the therapy is not working for you - you need to discuss that and find something alternative that does

[waggiedog]

Hi, I'm from the UK and I feel that my honesty with the Psych Dr and support team have been taken and used against me as ''amo''. Everything negative I have told them has been noted down and brought up against me and used like a blackmail kinda thing. For example ~ I'm told everytime when I get depressed and I say I feel suicidal, Dr jumps in and threatens enforced section to hold me against my will. Ah......................so from now on I must never say I'm depressed or suicidal!!!!! Ummmmm is it me or what??? Should I never tell the truth just in case I get locked up??????????????? HUGS. xxxxxxxxxx

[MoxieDoxie]

Originally Posted by waggiedog

Hi, I'm from the UK and I feel that my honesty with the Psych Dr and support team have been taken and used against me as ''amo''. Everything negative I have told them has been noted down and brought up against me and used like a blackmail kinda thing. For example ~ I'm told everytime when I get depressed and I say I feel suicidal, Dr jumps in and threatens enforced section to hold me against my will. Ah......................so from now on I must never say I'm depressed or suicidal!!!!! Ummmmm is it me or what??? Should I never tell the truth just in case I get locked up??????????????? HUGS. xxxxxxxxxx

O man i feel the same way! I feel like I was being truthfull and it is being held against me! Now I do not tell him about any self harming thoughts or sucicidal thoughts or anything negative. What is the point of being in therapy?

[MotownJohnny]

Yeah, not a big fan of being locked up, drugged up, and publicly humiliated "for my own good". NO other medical specialty has this power - show me an oncologist or cardiologist who can have a patient involuntarily detained. Who came up with this crap?

[Thorn Bird]

I have to say I totally agree with that

[CastlesInTheAir]

I keep saying I feel like I'm re entering the world but the world gets farther away....as if my soul left and its just my body in the world on auto pilot.