paranoia...

Im not sure what forum this is meant to be in, so i hope this ones right. if not, sorry

See, my dad seems to be suffering from paranoia lately. he thinks the world is out to get him and that everything has a purpose to be destructive...including people.

here are some of the things he thinks...

1. he thinks ALL humans should not be trusted and that they are all evil etc. so he has no friends and no life. he thinks they are all unreliable, untrustworthy, irresponsible etc. especially women. he doesnt trust any of them and thinks they are all otu to get money. now i know some women might be, but not everyone. he doesnt realise people are different and individual, no matter how long i spend explaining so.

2. he thinks technology is corrupt and exists only to con people out of all their money.

3. he thinks most things "these days" are conned, and "back in his day things were different".
he went on a ridiculous rant for half an hour just a minute ago about banks saying that they want to control the world and force you into using them for everything, then they will charge you hundreds of pounds to have a bank account.

4. he thinks i purposely break things in our house so they dont work for when he uses them. ie. he tried to use the telephone this afternoon but it wouldnt work, so i was accused of tampering with it because "it would work otherwise". he even said "things only break after you (me) have been messing with them" so i asked him if he thought i had broken the phone deliberately to annoy him, to which he replied "yes, it work otherwise". i get balmed for EVERYTHING in this house! once, he got so angry with something (cant remember what it was, it happens often) that he threw the television controls across our living room, then they broke and wouldnt work, and i was accused of messing with them. how ridiculous is that!!

i cant stick it anymore. he seriously believes the world is out to get him and he lives by a set of rules his dad set him 50 years ago. times have changed since then, but he will not adapt to them. he thinks everything should be the same as it was back then and if it isnt, he thinks its a con and is trying to get all his money. you cant have a conversation with him lately without the words "my dad use to say" come out of his mouth. he has no opinions or beliefs of his own, so he lives his dads live. and it is seriously out-dated!! i dont mind as such, but when he starts thinking the world is out to get him and i get blamed for anything that goes wrong (even when it isnt my fault) thats when i get annoyed.

sorry about the rant, but theres more...

he banged his head in work today and has a huge cut along the top of his head (hes bald) and theres blood all down his face. but he says hes fine and he hasnt cleaned it yet or seeked treatment for it. he refuses to think that it may become infected if left how it is. and he thinks its wrong to say he is physically hurt, because thats how his dad was.

ive tried to pursuade him to clean ir or go to hospital to get it checked out but he wont.

plus, hes in a really wierd mood tonight. ive never seen him in this mood before, and its scary. he gets similar after drinking, so it could be that. but it could be the bang on his head, which he says is fine. he is so stubborn and will not get it treated. so now im worried and dont know what to do.

he has so many screwed up opinions and beliefs!! hes homophobic, racist, and hates everything in between. what shall i do? i try to ignore it but i cant. it seem to me that hes developing paranoia because of instances hes had in his life, but he lives in the past.

i hope you see what i mean. i had to rant, he annoys me so much!! its just getting worse, alot worse. what shall i do?

simon

Simon, It sounds like he has alot of inner pain and turmoil and I dont know that you can do anything for him or about him.To me he sounds like a very angry, bitter unhappy person trying to get through life as such.How sad really. And how sad for you to be the one he takes it out on.. .you must be the most readily available person and thats why he takes it out on you.

When he lashes out at you it probably isn't you he is angry with.. he is simply angry at the world is what it looks like. I guess you should just try to avoid him if as much as you can when he gets like this.

I hope his head injury isn't that bad and that he recovers from it quickly, with or without medical attention.Just keep on loving him anyway.. and try to stay out of his way.Maybe he is going through a midlife crisis too.. ya never know...

Peace,Faith

Yes I agree with Faithisalive...try to stay out of his space when he gets in these moods...I know how hard it is...I can remember from when I was still living at home how hard it is to keep the yelling and ranting away from you...but please remember you are a dear and that none of this is your fault...I hope some day your father can be man enough to apologize to you for taking his bad moods out on you..so sorry you have to go through this!!! ((((hugs))))

((((((((( simon ))))))))

It's the most difficult to help those closest to us... we can't be objective enough about it....

Do you think your dad may be developing Alzheimer's or other dementia ?? My grandmother passed away from complications of Alzheimers and one of the events or traits was that she thought people were after her and/or robbing the house. It was us - she didn't recognize her family and even taking her to church services was upsetting for her because we were "taking her" or "after her". Which of course was ridiculus as we loved her tremendously. It wasn't her speaking, it was the disease.

Any chance you can suggest an evaluation ?? Perhaps on the pretense to getting that head bump looked at, perhaps you could speak with his doctor ??

When I read your post, the first thing that came to my mind is Altzheimers. I think he really needs to be checked out for that. It sounds exactly like my Grandmother did when she started having those symptoms. Everything was out to get her. She thought there were people trying to break into her home & take everything. At times, she thought my Grandfather was the robber & started hitting him with her cane.

Taking them for evaluation isn't easy because they don't want to go or even think that is what the problem is & then they think you are trying to hurt them too. It is important to have them evaluated at this point. They now have meds that can actually slow down the symptoms, but it is important to find out as early as possible.

We had to trick my Grandmother into going to the Dr for something else & convincing her that she needed to see her Dr for another illness. It was hard on my family because neither my Mother nor my Grandfather wanted to be responsible for doing this. I was the one that had to force it to happen & it was a very good thing. Unfortunately at that point, she had to be put into a nursing home because she was way to bad off & my Grandfather couldn't handle her anymore without being in danger himself.

Please don't pass off the thought of it being Altzhiemers. If is isn't then that will be wonderful. If it is, then the appropriate care needs to be taken.

Debbie

the only trouble is that he never goes to the doctors. i cannot remember the last time hes been. he refuses to think he has anything wrong so he just doesnt go. even with this bump on his head, he just says "oh, ive had worse in the past and survived, i'll be fine" and i said to him in reply "you didnt clean the wound all evening, it can infected, it doesnt matter how 'hard' you are, open flesh wounds can get infected" and he just repeated "im fine, i've had worse and survived" which he said with a sarcastic grin on his face. its pride. its all it ever is. he lives his life based on pride. and he thinks by going to get the wound checked out people will think he's being a coward and that they will lose respect for him. ive told him that isnt the case and that he just needs to get it checked, but he wont, he just acts like nothing has happened. hes like that with the dentist too, hes never been, has hardly no teeth left and no false ones. but he refuses to go there, because he thinks it will damage his pride!!

the alzhiemers you mentioned. has got me concerned, i hadnt thought of that. the trouble is he WILL NOT go tot he doctors. i dont even think he has a GP. not that i know of. he will laugh at me if i suggested it could be that so if i tried going at it from another angle, he still wont. because he never thinks hes ill enough to go. he doesnt even take pain killers until he is really bad, and even then he'd rather not. again, he sees it as "my dad wouldnt do it, so i wont" and his pride steps in too. its so annoying to be his son because i know that in the future, when he gets older (hes 54 now) his health will more than likely detriorate, and i know that he wont get it sorted.

what do i do?! there is no way on earth i can get him to that doctor. do you think it will be worth me going to see my GP and talking to them about it, without him there. i dont know, i dont know what to do. i just hope it isnt anything serious.

simon

Do you think he would listen to a friend or relative if they asked him to go have the cut checked out by a doctor? He won't be able to tell them no the way he tells you...All you can do is be there for him if it gets worse...Then he will have to go to the docs...Parents can be very stubborn...I know mine were! Hope it goes well!!!

I'd definitely try to get the ahltzeimers ruled out. How you can do it I don't know. But good luck.

I know how difficult it is to get our parents to go to get treated for their health problems. I think that is mostly because they are afraid of what they might find out, or what I think is more the truth is that they honestly don't think that there is anything wrong with themselves.

I know I still can't forgive my Mother for being so stupid not to have taken care of her cancer when it was small & she waited until the tumor was the size of my fist, saying that it didn't bother her until then.....yea, a tumor the size of my fist between her legs had to have been hard to ignore except she didn't think it was anything except for a cyst...& the cancer was at stage IV by the time she did anything about it. Her choice to ignore it had it's consequence....she died from it & put me through a horrible trauma because of her selfishness.

It is almost impossible to get them to go to a doctor for even a diagnoses. We tricked my Grandmother into going to the Dr because her hip replacement needed replaced again & we talked her into going in & having that looked at & when she did, I insisted that she be evaluated for Alzheimers. My Mother & my Gramps didn't have enough determination to force it to happen.....feeling guilty.....but I had no guilty feeling because I felt that I was protecting my Gramps & that was more important than anything.

I was looking through an Alzheimers book that I have & they always seem to start off with the patient already being Dx'ed without telling you how to get them to that point. I know that my pdoc specializes in Alzheimers & had done many clinical trials on it. If you have a pdoc, they might be able to tell you if there is a possible way to have a professional from one of the social workers departments come out to his house while you are there & evaluate him. If your pdoc doesn't have that information, I know that California has an Alzheimers Disease Center at UCLA & they may be able to help you set up a way of getting him diagnosed. There is also a county area agency on aging, a senior services, or a department of public social services. I am sure that there should be some group that can help you do an intervention to get him diagnosed for alzheimers. If they find out that it isn't alzheimers, there are many other things that it can be as our parents get older.

From my experience with my Mother, I know I could have used so much help or someone to guide me along the right path so my Mother couldn't have done what she did & cause the trauma to happen. I can look back & see that I shouldn't have let her control the situation after I saw that her cognative abilities were no longer anything except for emotional.

There is going to always be the conflict of whether or not or how much they are capable of controling their own lives after a certain point. I am an example of what happens without good outside help & guidance.

The situation you are in is really tough & hopefully they can rule out it being alzheimers, but if it is, the sooner care is started, the slower it may progress & that is what the newer treatments are able to do.

I know how important it is to have support whild dealing with these types of issues with our parents because we end up changing roles. I learned quite a bit as my grandmother died of alzheimers but I wish I had learned enough to not let my Mother get away with what she did as she died from cancer last year. Keeping your strength & not getting exhausted physically or emotionally is important. I wasn't successful & ended up in the medical hospital for 2 months because of what the stress did to me.

I am sure by now there are many books on alzheimers available. I only have one called "Alzheimer's Disease A Guide for Families" by Lenore S. Powell, Ed.D., & Katie Courtice. This bood also talks about other diseases that look like alzheimers but also goes through a lot of the tests that are being done to help Dx it now. The only thing I don't like about these books is that they assume that you have already been able to get your family member in & is already Dx'ed.....they don't give you any idea on how to trick them into going in for the Dx. That is where it seems like there has to be some senior organization that can help the family get the person diagnosed since their whole purpose is the treatment & care of the elderly.

If you feel the need for any support, you can always PM me or email if you want to.

I hope it turns out to not be Alzheimers & is something that can be treated with nutrition, or vitimines, or even Anti-depressants, but your Father is better off knowing either way at this point.

Hugz,
Debbie

i dont know. see, he's always been like this his whole life. hes always hated nearly everything and always lives in the past, so i cant really judge whether its alzhiemers or not. i spoke to my brother about it and mentioned alzhiemers and my brother said that hes been like it all his life, so surely it cant be alzhiemers.

but i dont know, i dont know what to think! im making an appoinment to se emy doctor on friday so i will speak to her then and see what she has to say.

the only objection i have that it could be alzhiemers is because of the fact hes been like it for so long now, but he just expresses his opinions more often these days. i might research and see what i find.

thank you all for your support. i will certainly look into it.

eskielover, thank you for the offer, i think i will take you up on that.

simon

Simon,

I know what you mean by them being that way all their lives. My Grandmother was a very mean person (especially around family). She wasn't all that great around others, but my Grandfather was so wonderful he was the only reason they had friends.

My Grandmother was always angry about something & everything had to be her way or she didn't like it & made everyone around her miserable. When I was a child, my Mother would take me back to Kansas every summer vacation to visit with them. Needless to say, my Grandmother & I didn't get along at all because even as a young person I wouldn't put up with her crap. My Mother was so attached to her that she wouldn't see what her Mother was really like.

As the years went by, my Grandmother just got worse & worse. One Christmas, after they moved back here to California, we decided to spend Christmas with them for a few days. I was in college at the time & had a pet rat that I was caring for from the Biology department. I brought him with me in a cage. Well, we got there a little late (we never got anywhere on time....too much things to get ready)....she got all bent out of shape because we weren't there exactly when she thought we should be & what in the world was in the cage. She started ragging on my Mother about everything & nothing at the same time. Everything was all wrong in her mind. It finally go so angry at the way she was treating my Mother that I told her off along with telling her I would never spend another holiday with her because she was a completely rude, selfish, pathetic human being. We stayed for dinner so we could spend time with my Grandfather & left right after that. (it had been a 3 hour drive to get there in the first place). This happened when I was about 19. My Grandmother progressively got worse over the next 25+ years until she bacame completely unmanageable. Her hallucinations & anger became harmful to my Grandfather. My mother knew that her Mother had been a miserable, unhappy person all her life, but was just getting worse & isn't that what happens when people get older?

From my experiences, the way people are in their lives only gets amplifies with alzheimers. I think that is why it is so hard to initially be willing to even think that something is wrong because it is what we have been seeing all along, only it just is getting worse.

There are still other things that can cause actions that look like alzheimers.....that is why a diagnosis is important because those other things can have a more simple solution. Memory impairment is a big part of alzheimers but can also be caused by nutritional deficiencies, chemical imbalances in the blood, tumors, & environmental stressors (metal poisoning from manganese or aluminum). A bad reaction to a medication they are put onto or even depression can look like alzheimers in older people. The normal indication for alzheimers is when their memory starts going, but I found that along with that comes the anger when the people have already had issues with that already.

What I have also found is that if those actions get worse after a specific time, it might be caused by a stroke. I think this is what happened with my Mother after her cancer surgery just before they found blood clots in her legs. Her cognative abilities when immediately downhill right after she "lost her balance" & slid down the door way to the floor.

If your Dr doesn't know much about alzheimers, maybe she can point you to a place where you can get some good information.

Take care,
Debbie