[prettyjolie]

I have a problem..
I have very low self esteem and I'm not very confident in myself.. but most people would never know that.
Around people, I act like I am so much better than I actually think I am. My problem is that I have a hard time being nice to guys that ask me out.. I make their worst rejection nightmares come true.. sort of.
When i was little, I always had little boys telling me that they liked me and asking me to be their girlfriend. I always said "no." When they asked why, I just simply told them the truth: "I don't like you."
Now that i'm older, it's gotten worse. I get stared at by nasty, old, disgusting, hairy, ugly, icky, weird guys all the time. They'll whistle sometimes and yell out from their car when my mom and i go on walks.
I get asked out all the time..
I don't know what it is, but I don't want a boyfriend, I think, because of my lack of confidence. I don't think I could make someone happy if I can't even make myself happy.
So I NEVER EVER say "yes". i did one time, though, and that obviously didn't work out.
I'm seventeen years old and i don't date. I won't date even a guy that i am interested in..
I wrote about this before, but this really bugs me.. every day.
I reject every single guy ever and not in a nice way, either.
If a guy comes up to me and asks me to go out or simply for my cell number, I get angry.. REALLY angry.. i get insulted and annoyed.. and i show it.
I am mean and i say mean things and i reject them the worst possible way..
I used to roll my eyes at them and say "yeah right"..
The way that i reject guys isn't right.. but i just don't know what to do.. I feel really bad. I've been mean to some many guys that I've lost count.
I can't even imagine what something I've said has done to their self esteem..
I have a friend who is 23.. he was 21 when I met him and I was 15.. BIG age difference!
He asked me out. I liked him but I was dating someone else at the time.. but instead of telling him that, I yelled at him every time he asked to hang out and I told him to leave me alone and to go back to work {we worked together}.. He asked me why I wouldn't go out with him, even just once, and I just said " BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO GO OUT WITH YOU!!"
I want to change that.. it's very difficult for me.
I can't deal with someone who likes me.. i just can't.
Who would've thought that i am one of those b-itchy girls that reject guys like that?
I don't have guy friends because I am afraid of hurting them..
what do I do?
how should I act?
I don't want to hurt people anymore..
I AM not trying to act like the victim. I just need to figure out how to change..
I hate that I act this way, it makes me hate myself..
this has to stop.

Sorry, I have no answers or insights as to what may be causing you to feel this way although it sounds like your self-esteem is a big factor.

If it's that low, maybe you're afraid to date because you might be afraid you'll let your guard down and someone will "see the act." Maybe you reject them out of fear that they ultimately will reject you. I really have no idea, just throwing some things out.

Have you talked to your T about these issues?

She/he will be able to help you get to the reasons why you react this way.

Good luck!

[JustAPixie]

((((((( prettyjolie ))))))))

I think the fact that you don't want to date makes you all the more attractive... guys sense that. A women not needing a man... ther's just something about it, that does show confidence and independence, however fake you feel it might be. Guys still like the thrill of the chase IMO.

[(JD)]

Finding oneself and becoming satisfied with who you are is very important. This needs to be done before entering into any deep relationship. IMO one shouldn't need another to complete them, but be an add-on.

Maybe you are considering the relationships too seriously? What if you determine the boundaries for a regular friendship, and hold to them, would that allow you to "date" or see guys so you can have a bit of social fun?

[AlteredState01]

P and TG have denifinitely good points! Your unwillingness to respond so easily is very, very exciting to guys - of all ages, unfortunately. Most your age are consumed with guys (and men) and boyfriends and are therefore, easier targets, so to speak. You, my darling, are a prize not easily won, in their minds, and THAT is very attractive. Think of you being like the Stanley Cup or a Superbowl Ring. Every guy dreams of obtaining one, yet few will, but ALL will try! I just wish I knew that before I tramped out! (I get to say that because I'm looking backwards in time now...). Oh, and the younger guys don't know why they do this; older men definitely do!

Anyway, where was I... oh yeah... I used to do that! I could never come out and just tell a guy that I was not interested or that I was dating someone, or anything. It felt like I was rejecting them and I didn't want to make them feel that way (especially if I thought I might change my mind about them). And I didn't want anyone NOT to like me. Saying no equalled rejection to me. I never wanted to be rejected and therefore, didn't want to reject anyone, either. I would have to create this whole weird thing which would end up making me look like a freaked-out nutjob.

Oh, what to tell you! This is going to sound sooo lame to you because it is so simple, but if you just tell them, "no, thanks" in the straightest and most serious face possible, that should work. If the same ones keep coming after you, they either really like you or really want you, know what I mean? You have to judge THAT one yourself, especially if you like the guy.

If they still don't get it, increase your intensity and firmness. If the same ones are still coming, well, they are either just awestruck by you or just crazy. Then you can go ballistic. THAT LAST ONE - GOING BALLISTIC - WAS A JOKE.

You will always have to deal with guys "coming on" to you from now on, to some degree. I found that when I finally accepted these as compliments, and with grace (not freaking out), and told the truth, at least I felt better about me. It didn't stop the guys from hitting on me, though, but I sure felt more and more comfortable saying no. Telling the truth = no guilt = no freak outs = control. For me, anyway....

It is okay, too, to enjoy some of this attention - even if it is only to yourself.

Oh, wow. Now I feel motherly-like! Weird. I hope I didn't sound like one, 'cause I'm not. Just smart about guys!

Anyway, one thing you know about yourself right now is that, if you had to, you could go ballistic and protect yourself, right? Be confident in that and start practicing new ways of dealing.

Altered State