help :/

ok so i dont know where to start because theres alot.

well the first thing how im sad all the time and sometimes i dont even know why, my entire life depresses me and i have no clue what to do about it.

I tend to think about every word i say, i constantly analyze everything that comes out of my mouth and often im embarrassed because I feel like the person/people i'm conversing with hates me.

I live inside my head.. My thoughts are loud and sometimes I feel like theres someone else in my head, Its someone i love and hate, the person inside my head takes me away from life, he talks to me and sometimes aggressively points out my flaws but also is the only person i trust. He takes me away to this beautiful place with trees and a waterfall and cloudy skies<3

I feel like nothing in life brings me joy. absolutely nothing, i pass everyday by feeling empty and dead and i only feel things when im on something or drinking.. Nothing makes me feel real feelings, not close ones deaths, not other peoples deaths, not when people get hurt or anything; all I think is I DONT CARE :/

school.. school is **** for me because i dont get anything the teachers saying i dont know whats going on and i'm often distracted all the time.. I CANNOT read i get the sentences confused and learning in general literally hurts my brain.

I'm image obssesed, I often think people dont like me because i'm disgusting and it makes me so sad..

this summer i thought i heard a high pitch noise in my room and then i felt like my face was being twirled and I was so scared I couldnt sleep for weeks and currently cant sleep in a dark room ever since. and i have had weird sleep for like a year now. It takes me hours to fall asleep, I constantly wakeup in the night but sometimes i can sleep for a day yet i still tired...

my moods constantly alter from super sad, to kind of sad, to suicidal, to straight up insane but never happy.

I always fear that I'm being followed. I self harmed for almost two years now :/

I'm really scared and sad and I have no idea whats wrong with me, I'm only fifteen.. I took several online tests and it basically said I have everything except OCD, I tried to talk to my ****** usless mother about it and she told me that i didnt have any problems before and that i'm doing all this for attention and that I should stop it . I'm honestly not and I'm scared of my thoughts and my brain and just everything...

What should I do ?

Welcome to PC! There's one thing you should thank your "useless" mother for... she gave you access to the internet! If you can stick around here for a while that would be great, hopefully you will feel better after reading about the experiences of people just like you

P.S. you cannot read? If you respond to this, you can read!

Do you have a trusted adult you can go talk with about your issues? The guidance counselor at school might be a good place to start. I'm sorry you're having these problems and hope things get better.

Jan

No i dont thats why i have no clue what to do