[rigaschuckler]

Hello friends,
I hope you all remember me. I was away, studying, taking stock of all those things happening to me, and analyzing everything.
I have been meditating continuously for 2 months, and i guess it has an effect on me now.
Now i am gonna talk about some problems i have been suffering these days.
I have had a complex life, somewhat eccentric which would not be comprehended by most of the people. Growing in a house situated in a small hill, without any friends, bad painful childhood, not much educated relatives (still struggling in between the modernity and antiquity), property disputes, wranglings, dad's alcoholic abuses, oh god..it would seem like a poignant movie story
Anyway i would like to move away from here, not because i hate this place( In fact i love it, its so strange and somehow forms a part in me) but if i stay there again i fear i would go crazy. I don't know what will happen next but i have belief in me and my almighty.
In my family there is one guy, my paternal uncle, who always treats me very badly. Its so disgusting. For example whenever we would be having some family gathering, he wouldn't even look at me or speak to me. If i did speak, eh would say some stinging word, like (indirectly) 'are you still a good for nothing still?' This man is 40 years senior than me but he still behaves like this.His son and i grew up together but he also hates me. (It is a long story which started in our childhood's). This stuff makes me sad and in my teen years i vehemently avoided this guy, about which he made such a fuss back then. He hates our entire family, even my disabled brother.
I know life is just a bubble and it is made for loving each other.But in my case i never had anything. These were the people i had. At the sometime it makes me sad that i would also have made some mistakes which made them act like that. But i cannot tell them now, because they would abuse me and humiliate me. So i agree, sadly , that sometimes i have been vengeful.
I know it would be difficult for anybody to answer a stranger's question, but i would like to ask you what would you have done in these types of situations? The same as me? So am i justifiable for my acts?
Have a nice day:

[(JD)]

At the sometime it makes me sad that i would also have made some mistakes which made them act like that.

Wow. That is exactly where your abusers want you, taking the blame. Stop that! You made the decisions you made and you are still alive: quit questioning all that, it IS in the past. It doesn't mean you didn't go through "all that" is just means that now, especially now as you take stock and work at a good decision, you have a clean slate to work on about the rest of your life.

Meditation is good usually. However I would hope that wherever you end up that you will seek a psychologist/therapist who will help you realize how the abuse has affected you and affects the decisions and attitudes you take.

[dillpickle1983]

I do remember you! Welcome back to PC!!

[Lamia_13]

Welcome back, Rigaschuckler! I remember you too. You seem to have come away from your two months of meditation with great perspective on your life's events. I offer you continued support and prayer on your journey.

Hi,
My father treats me the same way. Sometime around 7 yrs old it started. In addition he will actually move to the other side of the room. Being mad like that takes it's too. He is an 80 yr old miserable man who no longer has any clue about the world. It took a long time but I have learned the best way is to pretend he isn't there and talk to people that want to talk to me. It is passive aggressive behavior and shouldn't be tolerated. Your acts are understandable but you are best off not doing anymore. By getting mad (whether you show them or not) you are giving them what they want. The whole point of passive aggressive behavior is to make the other person mad and then disavow any responsibility. Don't give him any power. Funny. I had this exact same advice for my cousin today. Hope it helps.

[Perna]

When we are younger, we do not have as much maturity and wisdom and looking at situations from later on, it seems easy to think we might have done things differently. But we did not at the time. We cannot do things different than we do do them, or we would. Regret is not very useful except for remembering so when we have a situation like that in the present we can be more mature and wiser and maybe try something different "this" time. Our childhoods are learning times. Sometimes the lessons are very hard or not quite what we need but we keep learning as we go along and as we get older we can find what we think we need/missed and help others by telling our stories (as you have, thank you!) and just keep doing our best.