[wisewoman]

It's so long and detailed but why do I get so irate and disturbed when I see people treated unkindly/unfairly and I take steps to bring light to it and the victim backs down claiming it was no big deal etc!!!! I am indignent for them and then they say oh it wasn't that bad after they cry on my shoulder. I end up looking like an idiot and most recently looking unstable to an agency that needs to believe that I am stable enough.

Also why is it okay for the AGENCY to say and do anything they want but to crawl down our thrats if we dare speak up about mis-conduct, rude behavior etc.?

[SeptemberMorn]

The Agency does what it wants because it CAN, plain and simple.

As for you getting indignant over something that happened to a victim... When I would get really upset at my ex because of something he did to my kids, my daughter would say, "Mom, I know Dad is a butthole, but he's MY butthole." In other words, she didn't want me to say anything bad about him. She just wanted me to listen and support HER. Maybe this helps.

[wisewoman]

You are right there, I have to remember to listen. I felt that this person was hurt because she was doing me a favor when she was treated so wrongly. Like I caused it. Agencies can and do what they like and the lack of professional ethics troubles me so much.

[LMo]

I know what you mean in terms of your daughter's example, Sept. I felt like that during my divorce -- I didn't want to get divorced and my ex hurt me terribly, but I still didn't want to listen to people badmouthing him, even though I knew they were doing it to support me.

[SeptemberMorn]

It's difficult to listen and not put in your own two cents worth. It stinks, doesn't it? I don't suppose you have a union rep you could go to?

[(JD)]

IDK what the policy of the agency you work for is, but the behavior of abused ppl is quite textbook. Your training might have that in it's paperwork..hopefully with guidelines on how to get that to work for their own safety.

Don't take it personally, ww... it's the way the world is, imo.

[LMo]

_Sky raises a good point. I have a similar issue in my real life, with some volunteer work that I do. What helped me convince the victim to speak out was to show them the statistics about the effectiveness of (in this case) getting a restraining order.

So would some statistics help your case?

[SeptemberMorn]

I think some people believe that they are validating you by calling "the bad guy" names. (I don't mean you, WW.) That was my ex's way of doing things, so I had learned that from him. It took my kids to teach me different.

[sabby]

{{{{WW}}}}

You sound very much like me. When someone comes to you with a problem, you get all fired up over the issue (especially if someone is being taken advantage of), you do what you can to help, then you are blown out of the water for doing so. God I hate when that happens.

I don't know if this will help you or not, but, one of the things I've learned to do over the years in those situations is to give the person the opportunity to vent, then arm them with whatever information they need to fix the problem themselves. I try hard not to get involved anymore, because it can just suck the life right out of you when it blows up in your face. As long as the individual has the information to help themselves, then you have been a good and supportive person without having to sacrifice yourself on their behalf. Like I said, I don't know if it will help you, but that's my two cents worth

Hugssssssssss
Jean

[prodigiousgamer]

Is that you John Wayne? Is this me?

[JustAPixie]

I like what Sabau said, it makes sense.... Give them what they need to stand up for themselves and not only are you not in the heat, but they get to learn how to stand up against others...

[wisewoman]

Thanks everyone. I do not work, it is the child protective agency from whom we are adopting our little girl. and one individual who is cruel and abusive. Everyone knows it and they all told me to avoid, put up etc but then I saw this woman being hurt and I am in up tp my neck so now she is saying oh it wasn't that bad. geeze, you think they could figure that one out.