I want to go home

It's raining and the leaves are falling. What few trees I can see from this place where I live are losing their leaves today. I want to go home to my farm. I want to be where I can stand in the rain and feel the leaves whip around me. I want to go home - my home that was taken from me. I don't belong here in the city. I don't belong in a beehive of concrete and metal with the stink of car fumes and chemical plants making me not be able to breathe.

I don't belong where people try to break into my car and hurt me and I can't defend myself. I don't belong where people hurt each other instead of watch over each other.

I need the clean air, the earth and the trees and their leaves. I need to be where I can hear the snowflakes when they fall. I need to hear the pines whisper to me when the breeze blows. I need to go home, but my home was is gone. I belong no where now and I am so lonely I feel I will break beneath the very weight of the pain.

((( January )))

I wish with all my heart that I could make that happen for you, Jan.

I'm listening. I hear you.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Jan}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I can relate!

I Am ... I Said

LA's fine, sunshine most of the time
The feeling is laid back
Palm trees grow and the rents are low
But you know I keep thinking about
Making my way back

Well, I'm New York City born and raised
But nowadays, I'm lost between two shores
LA's fine, but it ain't home
New York's home but it ain't mine no more
I am, I said
To no one there
And no one heard at all
Not even the chair

I am, I cried
I am, said I
And I am lost, and I can't even say why
Leavin' me lonely still

I know LA and New York are both big cities and not what you are missing. You're missing clean air, safety and freedom. I miss the same things, too.

I'd go home... "but it ain't home no more."

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I am, I cried
I am, said I
And I am lost, and I can't even say why
Leavin' me lonely still

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

My heart is breaking.

so sorry to hear your feeling this down jan

Thank you, Pet. I do appreciate you so much.

Hugs and love,

Jan

Thank you, dear Tomi. You do understand and I am so sorry you feel this way, too.

Hugs,

Jan

Mellors, thank you for the gift of your post. I know how hard it is.

Me

Jan-

When I'm missing a special place, I get some old magazines or calendars and put up some pictures that look similar to that place or help me to feel like I would if I was at that special place. Maybe you could get some pictures and put them up around you-- just even for a short time-- that way you can go into the picture and escape to "your place"

(hope this doesn't sound too strange- I just thought I'd share something that helps me--- old calendar pictures work good-- I have a stack of them! )

Thinking of you Jan

mandy-- (ps--do you like my new avatar? a very special member here got it for me-- someone with petals- )

(((((Jan)))))

I understand the emptiness that you must be feeling right now. My heart goes out to you and tries to lift you up a bit. I long for a home I had a number of years ago too. I will never be able to go back and see the deer outside my window playing in the field, or the wild turkey strutting in my yard, or the occasional bear rummaging near my home. But the memories of seeing all that help me to get through, and pictures of different seasons and deer in the field are at my fingertips. I find they help me.

I hope you are feeling better soon hon....Many Hugsssssssssssss to you!

Jean

Thank you, Mandy. I do like your avatar very much and I suspected who the person who helped you was the moment I saw it.

The picture idea is very good. I just kind of picture myself there. I remember the snow. I liked to watch the leaves in what I called a leaf devil. They whirl around and around before they go to the ground.

Thank you, dear Mandy.

Hugs,

Jan

Thank you so much, Jean. I'm so sorry you can't go home. I mourn for you, too.

Hugs,

Jan

Hello
I know I dont know you but i can relate to what you re going through. my parents house is in the country and i live in the city. some days i miss nature so much it almost hurts. i love the city but i cant survive without seeing the country at least now and then. what helps me when i really miss it and cant get out of the city though is to go to a park near me that has a little pond with ducks and just sit there watching them play and talk to eachother. i also find it very grounding and comforting to even just put my palm against the bark of a tree as i walk by on the street. sometimes, pathetic as it sounds, i take a leaf from a hedge or tree i pass while im walking, bring it back and sit with it smelling its freshness while im working/online/reading/whatever. it just helps me remember the space and feel of the freedom of the country. i would also suggest getting some flowers or a plant. i cant because im allergic but i imagine they would be very soothing.
im sorry you are missing your home so much. my thoughts are with you.
biiv

MUSHY MUSHY hug for my favorite DJanBS

(((( JANUARY ))))

I'm sorry that your life is not where or how you want it right now, but you WILL come out ahead down the road, I am sure.

Hang in there chica,
Love,
LMo

I know how you feel!! I want to go home too!! *hugs*

Jan, re-reading all the responses to your post, it came to me that in my situation, "home" is a space in time. The suggestions you've gotten are GREAT! Find pictures of what "home" looks like in your mind. Put yourself there, Sweety. Allow yourself to FEEL as if you've been there. It's a healing exercise, believe me.

((((((((( Jan ))))))))

Jan,

I'm sorry you are feeling homesick.

Hugs,

EJ

(((((((((Jan))))))))))) wanna trade? I'm a city girl stuck in the country.

I know all too well what it's like to be homesick. I hope you can find some pictures to remind you of home.

Love, Candy

Dear lady,
I truly feel for you, I don't know how long I'd survive living in the city. There will be a time someday, that getting back in a less city type area, or even the country, will be yours. Keep the faith, that's cool what mandyfins mentioned. Sometimes that sort of stuff works great, but then if it has certain things or people in the pics, I get too sad wishing for those days again. But surrounding myself with things that remind me of some place in the great outdoors, I can find thoughts to sooth my mind.
I wish you peace,re-newal and healing. Sending you many positive vibes.
Love,
DE

((((((((((( January ))))))))))))))

((((((((( biiv ))))))))))))

Oh, I do understand touching trees and holding leaves. There is a huge fir near my building. I go there sometimes when it looks safe and crush the needles. I breathe in the wonderful pine fragrance and am transported home.

Thank you for writing. Thank you so much for caring.

Hugs,

Jan

Oh man, I've hit the big time! I've got a hug from LMo!

Thank you, RLMoBS. It means a lot to me. You know that.

Reverse hug,

Jan

((((((( Pamelasue ))))))))))

I'm so sorry you are homesick. I hope you find peace.

Hugs,

Jan

((((((( Tomi )))))))))

I will do my best. I've turned my apartment into a mini autumn scene. I'm trying.

Hugs,

Jan

(((((((((( Tanya ))))))))))

Thank you so much.

Hugs,

Jan