[poeticdemon]

I'm not quite sure at all what's going on and I forget about them easily but they don't go away. I just wanna know if there're other people similar and what helps them in dealing with it on a day to day basis because this is not working for me as a lifestyle. I can't function and that's not good right ?

I see things. Its like seeing two images at the same time, not mashed together but layered. My vision of things and objects is clear(good eyesight) AND fuzzy at the same time. It's like a storm going by it hurts my head. In the storm are information I suppose, abstract and non-abstarct, like ideologies, belief systems, a scary noise, a voice, events, images its just hectic. I tried putting them in boxes, sorting them out in a way which helps but it's not enough(yet). Can't explain it better sorry. My reality is fragile, it's tasking getting a grip on things other people seem to just understand. how easily accepting of you I'd say.

When I'm alone my mind wanders into situations and I am engulfed in it, my body and mind responding as if it's reality. I pretend conversations like a practice that I dream of happening in the future, like an actor on stage.

Names and faces are.. difficult for me. Can't remember them well at all. Been that way since I was small. Chugged lotsa pills once(hospitalized)4 or 5 years back, diagnosed with depression and schizo. Some mania. Trauma victim, father used to beat me years back(still taumatized). Mother didn't defend.

I'm not married but living with a partner for two and a half years who looked after me during severe depression two years back. Got better, now though worrying signs appear like the storm I meantioned which was calmed a year ago. Every bits and pieces in the storm were just floating around in slo-mo, they weren't fuzzy and doesn't hurt. Now it's not as bad as it once was but it's gaining speed and I should do something about that. Flunking college and my partner getting involed intimately with one of my mates few months back are possible causes. Am dealing with that but the other things remain.

It'd be ever helpful to me if similar poeple if any could give tips or even just kind words is encouragement enough. Any insight or whatever I dunno. I don't even know what, I'm sorry.[/FONT]

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by poeticdemon

I'm not quite sure at all what's going on and I forget about them easily but they don't go away. I just wanna know if there're other people similar and what helps them in dealing with it on a day to day basis because this is not working for me as a lifestyle. I can't function and that's not good right ?

I see things. Its like seeing two images at the same time, not mashed together but layered. My vision of things and objects is clear(good eyesight) AND fuzzy at the same time. It's like a storm going by it hurts my head. In the storm are information I suppose, abstract and non-abstarct, like ideologies, belief systems, a scary noise, a voice, events, images its just hectic. I tried putting them in boxes, sorting them out in a way which helps but it's not enough(yet). Can't explain it better sorry. My reality is fragile, it's tasking getting a grip on things other people seem to just understand. how easily accepting of you I'd say.

When I'm alone my mind wanders into situations and I am engulfed in it, my body and mind responding as if it's reality. I pretend conversations like a practice that I dream of happening in the future, like an actor on stage.

Names and faces are.. difficult for me. Can't remember them well at all. Been that way since I was small. Chugged lotsa pills once(hospitalized)4 or 5 years back, diagnosed with depression and schizo. Some mania. Trauma victim, father used to beat me years back(still taumatized). Mother didn't defend.

I'm not married but living with a partner for two and a half years who looked after me during severe depression two years back. Got better, now though worrying signs appear like the storm I meantioned which was calmed a year ago. Every bits and pieces in the storm were just floating around in slo-mo, they weren't fuzzy and doesn't hurt. Now it's not as bad as it once was but it's gaining speed and I should do something about that. Flunking college and my partner getting involed intimately with one of my mates few months back are possible causes. Am dealing with that but the other things remain.

It'd be ever helpful to me if similar poeple if any could give tips or even just kind words is encouragement enough. Any insight or whatever I dunno. I don't even know what, I'm sorry.[/FONT]

Thanks for letting us know you have been diagnosed depression and in your words schizo. Schizophrenia is sometimes a very hard to deal with problem for those that have it and those close to the one that has it. I dont have it but a family member does. he goes through these phases that you described. what helps him is staying on his meds, talknig with his treatment providers so that they know when the meds need changing or adjusted. staying in touch with his treatment providers also gives him an outlet for when in his words "freaky things like this" happens. He also gets very active by going to the YMCA /gyms in his location for sports activities and socializing, this gives him another outlet for focusing his pent up energy on something positive. Right now he is inpatient, he has gotten to know himself and his body so well that he now goes inpatient on his own when the psychosis phases begin. this way he can relax and know he is safe and in a controlled environment, which allows him to let down his guard, stop pretending to be ok, and take care of what needs to be done in order for him to get back on track.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by poeticdemon

Flunking college and my partner getting involved intimately with one of my mates few months back are possible causes.

Does sound like you are having a hard time and some things to deal with; stress can be difficult that way for me, one seems to be dealing with it but it is not linear and unless I am clearing my thoughts and feelings and dealing with them, the rest is "surface" stuff (dealing with the college and getting reinstated or working harder to get off probation, working with my partner to get communications better, etc.) and can feel like trying to bail a leaky boat.

I would see if I could find a counselor/therapist or maybe just my primary care doctor and see if they could help support some, help with some of the symptoms or do tests to see if there is anything physically wrong that could be easily fixed (eating right, getting exercise, not being alone as much, etc.).

I hope you do get through all this okay, find some support and help with your difficulties

[transient]

I understand what you mean. The way you described it helped me figure out what's been going on with me- it's hard to notice whats going on until it's over because it's so overwhelming, and it's difficult to talk about with my T because I don't know how to word it so it's comprehensible.
What you said about the vision happens to me, as well as the 'storm'. I call it layered thoughts because even if they aren't exactly thoughts, there's a lot of noise going on in my head, and a lot of abstract thoughts at the same time as ..normal thoughts. I hope this made sense.

Stress really intensifies it for me, when that happens I retreat and do something that can take my mind off things- ie. watch a good korean drama, cuddle with a soft blanket, listen to music and make art.
Finding something that will soothe your senses might help.
touch- something soft or some comfortable clothes. sight- a soothingly lit room (maybe you can find a bright nightlight that shines colors on the wall in sequence. sound- natural sounds like thunder or the ocean help me.
Those are the main senses that effect me the most when I try to comfort myself. If you have a punching bag, if you're overwhelmed by the storm you can go at it or do any physical activity where you're not too stimulated by others.

Anyway, I hope I was able to help somehow, and I hope that you're doing better today. Take care

[poeticdemon]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

Thanks for letting us know you have been diagnosed depression and in your words schizo. Schizophrenia is sometimes a very hard to deal with problem for those that have it and those close to the one that has it. I dont have it but a family member does. he goes through these phases that you described. what helps him is staying on his meds, talknig with his treatment providers so that they know when the meds need changing or adjusted. staying in touch with his treatment providers also gives him an outlet for when in his words "freaky things like this" happens. He also gets very active by going to the YMCA /gyms in his location for sports activities and socializing, this gives him another outlet for focusing his pent up energy on something positive.

The voices were gone instantly after the suicide case(weird really). It's been a good few years but now sometimes they seep out, forgot to mention this part.
I was on meds before and it drove me insane. The storm(cooler name pending) was layered. How do I explain this it's like a bigger storm in a sense of a numbness that is medication which then clouds(very effectively) my vision of the storm which ironically wipes out my grasp on reality. It's like a constant *PING*. Needless to say I hated meds and was unfaithful to the schedule. I feel ungrateful for not taking what seems to be my only real help(meds that is) but it's only because I felt I was doing fine great really and I would hate living a dull minded life. So ungrateful of me..

Originally Posted by amandalouise

Right now he is inpatient, he has gotten to know himself and his body so well that he now goes inpatient on his own when the psychosis phases begin. this way he can relax and know he is safe and in a controlled environment, which allows him to let down his guard, stop pretending to be ok, and take care of what needs to be done in order for him to get back on track.

I thought of this. I don't know how practical it would be though. Thank you for having me revisit the idea. It could be of help.

[poeticdemon]

Originally Posted by Perna

I would see if I could find a counselor/therapist or maybe just my primary care doctor and see if they could help support some, help with some of the symptoms or do tests to see if there is anything physically wrong that could be easily fixed (eating right, getting exercise, not being alone as much, etc.) and can feel like trying to bail a leaky boat.

I don't know of any counselor or therapist around that would be of real use, tell me things I didn't already know while paying them money I wanna keep to pay off my student loan. It's all basically, live healthy and eat your meds at the end of the day. Gee thanks. It helps living healthy and medication, it does really. But besides that when those fails because it does happen, and when it happens I find myself not eating right because the sickly feeling of it all I'll puke, had to stay in bed because the world's scary and that'll make me lonely in the end.

But I'll definitely try that. One thing for sure I need to be talking to people who knows and I can't find them without looking right ? Thanks.

[poeticdemon]

Originally Posted by transient

I call it layered thoughts

Absolutely made sense. Thank you thank you I have never been able to say this to anybody ever before.

I tried taking my mind off of it but when it's bad I end up doing those things you mentioned, tv shows, holiday retreats in bed, running away in long stretch hours that my responsibilities are aren't being taken care of.

A year and a half ago, after many many months of being a depressive recluse in my house taken care of by my girlfriend I managed to calm this storm and it's the most amazing thing ever. Like seriously. When its slow and I can catch the things flying about, I get these brilliant ideas and realisations of the world. People don't scare me, they loved me even and I feel like a force of something great.

I wanna be like that again. But the world, my world is going crappy it sucks. I can't 'see' anymore. It's cloudy again. Effing hell. I certainly can't have a year hiatus again to regain my focus like I did before. I'm still with my partner and that would take a toll on her. I can't shake off this feeling that the storm is meant to be there, why else would I have had it since forever ? I can numb it down with the pills but I can focus and be a master of it. I prefer the latter. But if I can, I'd wanna do it without wearing down in a cave and being dependent on the people around me like they don't have better things to do.

Love your idea of stimulating the senses. It definitely works and what a coincidence it is that I always prefer buying clothes with soft fabrics. I was always particular with that. I had a few months stint of being addicted to pot in the effort of 'stimulating' the senses during a less fortunate time of my life. People say its bad though and I've been clean for 4 months now I think. I ended up writing an essay sorry. Thanks