[krisakira]

Hello. I am needing to ask a question for those with mental illnesses, like me. Do you feel like the people in your life, such as a significant other, need to be your "caretaker"? Is that the type of relationship you have with your SO? Why do people automatically assume my husband is my caretaker? Do I need a caretaker? My husband has taken care of his mother his entire life, and the last thing he needs in his life right now is a wife that he needs to take care of. I have asked him, do you think you have to be my caretaker? and he says no. I want to keep it that way. Yes I have some pretty significant MIs such as borderline and schizoaffective. But I keep them in check when possible, and when not, I seek help from my T or go inpatient or outpatient programs. My husband is not my sole care team. I guess because I have so much support from T that he does not need to be my only source of help. I do not need a caretaker. Does that mean I am high functioning? Because I still cannot hold a job. I go to college full time though. Do I just not fit in anywhere? Am I not like the rest of you?

[gayleggg]

I don't know about others, but I'm bipolar II and I don't need a caretaker. I have my Pdoc and at times when I need one I see a therapist. I do work full-time, however, I don't feel I could handle the stress of school. I don't really feel like I fit in anywhere either. My job is easy and doesn't take a lot constant stress, but I don't feel like it's where I should be.

[luvjosh07]

I got married the 18. When my pdocs ask me how being married is I say I feel like I gained a caretaker not a husband. That its not fair to him. I know Im having a hard time right now but hes helping me. Which I would do in a second if he ever needed me. Would you help your husband if he had the same issues?

[Auntie2014]

This is my take on your question. People with mental health issues do need someone they trust to be able to make decisions ONLY WHEN THEY ARE NOT ABLE TO MAKE DECISIONS FOR THEMSELVES And it is the responsibility of the person with MH issues to make sure what your wishes, about treatment, are before you you reach a crisis and share them with your trusted person.

[healingme4me]

I do not know how to answer your question about high functioning. Who knows, as my pdoc would say.

As far as you, not wanting to have a caretaker for a husband, and he doesn't want to be one, it speaks volumes to a semblance of healthiness where your marriage is concerned. I feel, it's positive that you seek out your T and other means, to help yourself through you own internal struggles. Sounds like a supportive relationship, something to reflect fondly on.

[Nobodyandnothing]

I wouldn't exactly call my H a caretaker but he is always there for me and picks up the slack of housework, etc. He also handles all my meds. I still- after more than 8 years- don't trust myself with the meds and neither does my pdoc. My pdoc also wants to talk to my H for a few minutes, with me present, whenever I have an appointment.

[venusss]

I certainly wouldn't want anybody to be my caretaker.

Part of the reasons I stay single. I don't wanna impose myself on anybody. It took me long to ask people to help me with a heavy bag up the stairs... and I doubt I would ever ask somebody to help me with my emotional baggage.

[FreakWorld]

I do feel that other people are my "caretaker". I still don't like it though.

[Trippin2.0]

I don't have a caretaker, and if I get married, my husband will certainly not be one as I'm not interested in having one at all. If my bipolar or borderline needs attention, there's therapy, coping mechanisms or meds for that.

My bf, while willing and able to provide emotional support, whether it be a sounding board, extra cuddling or extra space, he is not my therapist. So while my behaviours and thought patterns affect him at times, my goal is to try and keep dealing with my baggage as separate from him as possible. Neither him nor I would want him labelled as my caretaker.

Where chores and parenting are concerned I believe its a team effort. So shared responsibility doesn't translate to caretaking in my book. Sometimes one team member picks up the slack when the other is not well, and vice versa. If he's unwell is bronchitus and mine is depression, well then so be it.

I work, part time at the moment, needed a break from full time as it was just too stressful and overwhelming. Problem with taking a break from the rat race:

I'm still a rat.

Will be going back to full time in March. Idk much about high functioning, pdocs apparantly think I am, and I alternate between resenting that label to being proud of it, depending on mood.

So in answer to your question Kris, no they don't have to be our caretakers, but in some relationships that's the role they choose to play.

[onionknight]

I'm fiercely independent so the thought that I would ever not be in personal control of my life horrifies me, but if and when I ever enter into a serious relationship, I will tell her about what I am susceptible to in terms of depression/ OCD/ C-PTSD. That way a partner would be like a second pair of eyes trying to keep me out of trouble in my own mind.

one of my partners fell into a caretaker mode when she was with me, although she called it a 'parent' role

[A Dirty Window]

I wouldn't call my family my "caretakers." I've authorized two of my siblings to make decisions if I am ever psychotic again, or suicidal enough to try to act, because during those periods clearly I am not making good executive decisions.

I don't work. My tdoc finally talked me into applying for disability, and I was accepted. I wouldn't say I'm high functioning; I quit work because I was having severe anxiety and had a psychotic break. I do handle my own affairs day to day for the most part, however.