[StarStrike]

Because I do... I know I need it and yet, I always tell everyone I'm fine when they ask how I feel. And it's a complete and utter stupid lie. A lie to hide whats really going on under the mask I wear in public. The only people I confide in are my friends, my boyfriend and the internet. Because none of these people judge me and they always accept me, no matter what.

I don't see any mental health professional, nor do I see a doctor. Heck, my GP is even fooled by the mask I wear. But, I generally stay away from doctors because I get all nervous at the thought of it. I don't talk to my grandparents about what's going one because. Well, they don't need that sort of stuff on their minds. My grandad has cancer and my grandma has carers coming around to make sure she's taking her medication, because without them, she wouldn't do and she'd ignore her doctors advice to stop drinking all together.

I don't want to ask help from my dad because last time I openly spoke to him, he blamed one of my friends and acted like a total jerk. I won't ask my older brother, because he often says the wrong thing and then I have a mental breakdown later on when he's not around so he doesn't see me the way I am.

I'm scared... I'm terrified... I'm afraid of being labeled. I'm afraid of being treated differently. I'm afraid of the future. I'm afraid I'll be put on medication that I'd never want to take.

I want to be me... As myself... Just without the monsters in my head telling me awful things, without the urges to hurt myself, without seeing things that shouldn't happen or things that shouldn't exist, without the conflicting thoughts... I don't enjoy things anymore. I miss that happy feeling. But I know I need help... Help I'm afraid to ask for.

I know that if I speak to my tutor, she'll direct me to the help that I need. But I'm afraid to ask and I just don't feel brave enough either.

Am I alone with this problem?

[Catsarecool]

No I have that problem too only when something gets far to bad to hide do I get help and by that point its much worse than it should be. Asking for help though hard is allways the best thing to do.

[Blah_zey]

Asking for help makes us feel vulnerable. It also means unlocking doors we thought we had sealed tight. It also means giving up a little control and that's not easy.

It is hard to feel so alone and afraid. There is help and it's is never a burden to those who love you. You really are not doing the people you love any favours by not involving them. In fact when it all bubbles up, and it will eventually they will feel guilty and sad they didnt notice and you were not able to trust them. There are people who like feeling useful, to be of service to others. Think about who might best respond with compassion and listening. There are ways to treat your concerns without meds but if a medical profesional thinks it might help it could be your saving grace and actually help you feel more like yourself instead of the victim of your uncontrollable thoughts. If youd broken your leg you wouldnt refuse a cast, in this case youve broken your brain. Its not forever and there is no cool thing for your friends to sign. Its all invisible and intangible. Try and educate yourself as much as possible about mental health issues so you canunderstand the monster you are wrestling.

And cats is right, the sooner you get the support you need the more manageable the problem will be. I hope you find what you need soon

[too SHy]

I try to remember this, no matter how bad things get: everyone on earth, being human, must deal with these things, even the President, or the Pope, or the Queen, even the most humble person on earth. Some have predispositions to illness, just as some have a physical obstacle to strive to overcome. The fight isn't over till it's over, and it's bigger than us to say when. Look forward, as I do, with help, to one day maybe help someone else. There are people who are called to help those of us who suffer. Don't give up!

[Miswimmy1]

It makes us vulnerable and opens up the idea that we might have to rely on someone else to help us. That's scary. I struggle with asking for help but I'm getting better at it. Most people do have your best interests at heart and want to do everything they can to help you. i've learned that recieving the help I need over-rides any fear I have about being hurt in the process. Because reality is, you will get hurt. Things won't always go the way you want them to. But that's life and all we can do is learn from those experiences.

[StarStrike]

I took the first step... And wow... It's terrifying. I'm glad my personal tutor is easy to talk to because if she wasn't I would have had a panic attack. She let me choose whether I wanted to involve my older brother (who I live with) or not. I chose not to involve him because of past experiences. She then told me to make an appointment with a female doctor because I'd most likely find it easier to talk to her than to my GP. So, on my way home I made an appointment. I'll be seeing her this Friday at 11:30am and I can't express how scared I am. I'm not afraid of needles, or blood and I have a stupidly high pain tolerance. Yet the thought of going there terrifies me. Wish me luck everyone. I'll need it.

[cool09]

I find it's a double-edged sword no matter who you go to for help. Even family members. Doctors eventually dismiss the important issues you bring to them no matter how well they listen. Some Doctors completely don't get you from day one.

Hi, i'm also from the UK - sorry to hear you're having difficulties and i know how hard it is to speak to GP's a lot of the time.

It might eventually get to the point where you'll have no choice but to accept help so i would encourage you to try and seek at a time when you'll fully understand the options open to you.

A doctor is a doctor - yes a lot of them having appalling bed side manners but they've also seen and done rather a lot, i would be surprised if they hadn't come across your problem before. As long as you're clear about what you're willing to try and what you feel might not be right for you, they should be accommodating enough. If not, keep trying, persistence eventually pays off.

At my GP surgery they have a system whereby if you're not happy with the advice of one doctor you can see another, do you have that option available to you? It might be worth inquiring.

The biggest issue a lot of people face is not knowing what they think would help them - and if this is the case for you i would be honest and say so, in fact the more honest you can be with your doc the better. I would also request a referral to your local community mental health team (CMHT) as they would be better placed at judging what help you need in any case. You'll see a psychiatrist there and you could be given the option of therapy or counselling along with medication should you so desire it. Good luck.

I also used to find it difficult to ask for help. I was embarrassed, and I thought that no one would believe me or take me seriously. But now I've learned to not hesitate to ask for help. Even if others don't take me seriously, I always feel better letting it out rather than keeping it in. I've also learned not to expect a certain response from others. When I do that, I always end up disappointed.

[Pikku Myy]

Yes. To the point where it is hurting me...

[StarStrike]

Well, I went to the doctors and I told her everything that I'd been hiding. She gave me the number for the crisis team and has referred me onto the mental health team, who are going to call me today to arrange an appointment so I can get assessed. And then she told me that I will need to see her again in two weeks time. I won't lie... I am terrified. But, I know it's for the best because I'm getting pretty close to doing something I'll later regret.

[everywhereanywhere]

yes I am trying to get better I just posted to let it all out. even when I tried to see a professional I couldn't open up and say everything I kept stuff held in.

[avlady]

I felt useless and broken the first time my parents took me to a doc, and on pshyc wards where i got the help i needed but didn't realize they were trying to help me and i fought it the whole way, but in the long run i can look back and say thank you to everyone that tried to help me. I hope you can get the help you need and please don't fight it people are here to help.

[IrishGreenEyes]

Yes, I asked my GP for help in 2103. I lasted 2.5 months on my meds then convinced myself I didn't need them. Now I am back at square one and worse for it.

I am too ashamed to go back after I was unable to fulfil my obligations in return for the help afforded to me.

[HDevlin0001]

I did, and still do. I waited 6 months before finally realizing I needed help and made myself go in to get it. But I still have a hard time telling others I'm having a bad day, or that I may need someone to talk to. I am new to all of this, recently diagnosed, so I can only hope that it gets easier

[BadWolf]

Asking for help has been one of the hardest things I've ever done. I'm glad I did it.

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[0w6c379]

You are not alone. I don't ask for help because, when I do, it's always a big deal. I like to help others though.

[thickntired]

I'm happy for you that you had the courage to find a professional. I used to think if ppl knew the real me they would take off. It led to years of abusing drugs and alcohol trying to fit in. Those were awful dark days. It was emotionally exhausting trying to fit everyone else's idea of normal. To thine own self be true. ♥

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[willowbrook]

Yes, particularly when my symptoms are most active, which ironically is when I most need to ask for help. With the help of my Pdoc I'm getting a lot better at learning to ask for help when I need it, but my instinct is to still put on that mask of wellness and try and hide behind it to cover my problems up.

For me personally the issue of hiding behind a mask of 'I'm okay, really', when I'm anything but, stems from a sort of learned protection response due to an aspect of abuse that happened when I was a child, and also from the fact that my Mum tended towards histrionics with her own issues and I swore I'd never behave that way myself just out of sheer embarrassment. For example, my Mum suffered from bad panic attacks for a number of years when I was growing up. Except she couldn't just have a panic attack, there needed to be this entire dramatic production around it as well. Like if she had an attack at the local shopping centre instead of doing what she'd been instructed to by her Doctor, which was to find as quiet a spot as possible, sit down, and slowly breathe into a paper bag, she would literally go and stand in the middle of the walkway and start clutching her chest, and audibly gasping for air, as she huffed and puffed into her paper bag all the while looking around to see how much of an audience she had. Watching her do that, and seeing how the majority of people responded (negatively with a large amount of unspoken stigma attached), I told myself over and over that would never ever act like that myself, not matter what. Only trouble is I kind of went too far in the opposite direction, and it's ended up being a hurdle for me being able to seek and accept proper treatment when I really need it. But like I said, me and my Pdoc are working on that and now I'm starting to feel a lot more able to ask for what I need and not hide things so much.

[A Red Panda]

I find it really hard to ask for help.

I can ask someone for a lift after work to the grocery store or an appointment. I feel embarassed and guilty every time I do, but I can make myself ask anyway. But that's really about it.

[Fuzzybear]

Absolutely... I find it very hard (it makes us vulnerable..)

[lizardlady]

StarStrike, congratulations for seeking out help.

To answer your question, like some others I find it hardest to ask for help when I most need it. I'm in a bad place in my head right now, but I put on my "I'm fine face" when I'm around others. It's much easier for me to offer help than accept it when I'm in this state of mind.