[tesseract49]

Hi everyone. I am Susan and I am a transwoman currently on HRT. I am also autistic, just so you know who I am.

I find that over the last few years, I have had a distinct lack of motivation and enthusiasm for things. I am currently unemployed and searching for jobs but I feel like I can't get a job and there is no point applying for one. I also feel as though, if I got an interview I would turn it down. I have no idea why at all. I just feel like there is no point to anything in life. We are here for no reason what so ever and nothing I do will have any negative or positive impact on my life or anyone else's. I procrastinate all the time and just can't bring myself to actually do anything constructive. The only time I ever feel like doing something to help myself is when someone motivates me and makes me feel like I can do it, but I need this all the time, otherwise I can't do anything. I don't know if what I am saying makes sense but I am sure I can't be the only one. Somehow people motivate themselves and yet I can't do that. I need a treat or a reward or I can't see the point. All my friends are so much more mature than me and seem like adults, but I still feel like a kid. I don't know what's wrong with me or why I can't just do things like other people. xxx

Hi Susan, it's nice to meet you!

I used to have motivation for things and I had goals for my life. However, ever since my break down I just can't seem to get going again. No goals, no hopes, no dreams, and no motivation. Well, I do want to learn to drive, but where is that going to get me?

[tesseract49]

Hi Thehours. I feel for you. I supposw a lot of these feelings link from depression. The only problem is that I have never been diagnosed with depression and I don't necessarily feel depressed. I am a huge pessimist which doesn't help. Perhaps I have been conditioned to be like this. At least you can sympathise with me. *hugs* xxx

Yes, I totally sympathize with you! Especially with feeling less mature. I know that it doesn't help to compare myself to others, but gosh darnit it's hard not too. I compare myself to my friends who are living their lives and doing things. I get feeling like, "Why am I not capable of doing things that other people can do?" I wish I had the answer you know? I get that they just aren't dealing with being mentally interesting like I am. That plays a huge part in it. However, it just doesn't seem fair does it? Ugh, it's just frustrating.

[tesseract49]

Thanks for your message. I do wish I had the answer too. Xxx

[Hexagram]

Originally Posted by tesseract49

I have had a distinct lack of motivation and enthusiasm for things. I am currently unemployed and searching for jobs but I feel like I can't get a job and there is no point applying for one... if I got an interview I would turn it down... I just feel like there is no point to anything in life. We are here for no reason what so ever and nothing I do will have any negative or positive impact on my life or anyone else's. I procrastinate all the time and just can't bring myself to actually do anything constructive. The only time I ever feel like doing something to help myself is when someone motivates me and makes me feel like I can do it, but I need this all the time, otherwise I can't do anything... I still feel like a kid. I don't know what's wrong with me or why I can't just do things like other people.

Originally Posted by tesseract49

I have never been diagnosed with depression and I don't necessarily feel depressed.

From the point of view of a unqualified, non-licensed, concerned stranger with a long history of depressive episodes, you certainly sound depressed. Can you talk to the MD who is managing your hormone replacement or consult a psychiatrist?

Disclaimer: This reply is not meant to be taken as a diagnosis or advice on how you "should have acted."

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

I just feel like there is no point to anything in life. We are here for no reason what so ever and nothing I do will have any negative or positive impact on my life or anyone else's. I procrastinate all the time and just can't bring myself to actually do anything constructive - Ha!, Welcome to my world. My therapist is helping me - there seems to be no simple quick answer to these issues. While this is clearly a case of unhelpful thinking, I cannot quite shake the feeling that the only appropriate response to the world lies in unhelpful thinking, which in itself is unhelpful thinking. You get my drift I am sure.