how do i cope/help my husband?

by nature, i can find joy in even the simplest of things. i can shrug off the burden of my day when i walk through the door, by getting greeted by my cat, or a song on the radio, or watching the birds at my feeder. my husband on the other hand sees no joy in anthing...he suffers from deep bouts of depression, and anxiety centering around his job, which spills over into our private life and effects his son and myself. i try very hard to be supportive and loving, and to keep a "normal" enviroment for his 16 y.o. son. after having his meds bumped up and seeing a psychologist, who instructed him on the tools that may help him through this, and that might offer long term solutions to his problems, my husband is unwilling to even attempt to use these tools. if the answer is found in a pill, and requires any effort, he's not in. i dont know if this is a part of the depression/anxiety etc. or if this is a fear mechanism he is using, or if he just isnt willing to try. i am at the end of my tether. i try to communicate with him, but it only seems to deepen his depression..... any thoughts.. suggestions.
please

Welcome to my world

There is no easy way to solve this, Sunshine. I have been living with it for a long time, as have you. It does take its toll on the family.

The best I can do for you is to listen, and to say that I understand, especially when you say you are "at the end of your tether".

The things that have helped me in the same situation are:
- getting medication for myself, to alleviate the stress
- yoga/exercise, for the same reason
- finding the RIGHT professionals to help my husband, including finding a psychologist who specializes in severe depression
- getting release letters allowing his mental health team to discuss his situation with me and for me to be allowed to make and follow up with appointments for him
- a whole lot of compassion and support... I virtually lived here at PC and at a few other support sites for spouses of those with severe depression. I don't know what I would have done without my kind friends here
- I also tried attending a NAMI meeting but it was extremely upsetting and I never went back. No fault of theirs, but it wasn't for me, at least not at the time.

I'm really, really sorry for your family that you have to go through this. You're not alone, though -- there are others who understand.

i'm sorry that you're having a hard time right now. do you suppose the upcoming holidays may be contributing to his depression? life works in mysterious ways and we also have a full moon, do we not? i'm not loony.......just had some good life experience in this stuff.

read up on depression. please go to the depression forum here and see the link that i posted. it's full of information that might help you. and keep posting because the more you post, the more support you will get. xoxoxo pat

hi aintnosunshine,
im afraid i dont really have any advice to offer. just to say that my dad has always been very depressed and anxious too though wasnt diagnosed until a few years ago and has been awful at working on it so i know what you re talking about. i watch my mum struggle with him all the time and wish i could help her but theres nothing i can do.
just from your son's perspective (and i know you didnt ask about that but just in case your interested) i hope its ok if i just say its so important you explain to your son whats going on with his dad and that it has nothing to do with him. also because the depression might keep his dad from being there for him and being supportive you really need to make sure he gets as much of that from you as possible. i dont mean to add to the pressure you are under. one of the biggest things i wish for my mum is the courage to see that theres only so much she can do and then it really is up to dad to take responsibility himself. you can only do as much as you re capable of. you are not responsible for getting him well or for taking over his responsibilities while he is sick.
i wish you luck, courage, strength and peace for your heart.
biiv