[dtc1892]

Hi, I'm sort of lost, I know I have some issues. I see a therapist once a week but I can't get my thoughts to words verbally. I can sometimes, but I'm not able to communicate what's really bothering me, a lot because I dont know. I'm in grad school and everyone thinks I'm smart and deserve to be there, but I have a tremendous amount of trouble reading things longer than a paragraph, writing on paper (i mess up a lot of letters), I can't listen in class past 15 minutes either. I'm getting by because I cram with lots of coffee the night before something is due and I get everything done. I'm also in recovery from drug addiction, but I very strongly believe I need drugs to do my school work and to sleep. I want to use, but I know I can't stop at "one." I also have some ptsd issues that make me want to use drugs more. I told someone once that I have this terrible time with school work and they said I just wanted prescription adderral cause I'm a drug addict and i'm being deceitful. That's not true. I just want help.

[dillpickle1983]

You're not alone, although I'm not in recovery for drugs, but when it comes to therapy, I don't talk. I can't get myself to say anything that is bothering me. Everything is always "fine", which is the biggest lie in the world.

Welcome to Psych Central! I hope you find that we are a very supportive community and I hope you learn and grow here with all of us!



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I'm not in therapy at the moment but I know what you mean.

Before a session I'll be all capable and prepared with what I want to say and then I walk in there and just shutdown. Everything I had organized earlier just leaves and I'm left struggling to find something to say about anything.

I was considering trying to write down my thoughts when they came so I could take notes with me to sessions. Maybe you could try that if you have time.

[dtc1892]

thanks for the responses. maybe ill try writing stuff down. i also just freeze up because talking about alot of stuff is embarrassing to me. maybe this site will be helpful, reading n seeing other peoples posts and seeing im not alone.

[paintedblues]

Thanks for posting this - it's nice to know that I'm not alone in being unable to express myself at therapy. I feel really silly for this, but often what happens in therapy for me is that I just start crying - not really about anything, but I just feel like crying and then I get so upset with myself that I can't stop. Maybe I should take notes too and just hand them over when I walk in haha.

[hvert]

Paintedblues, I did that with my first therapist. When I stopped seeing her and switched to someone new, I didn't do it anymore. There was a break of a few months in between, so I am not sure if I grew out of it or if something about that therapist was triggering.

I strongly prefer writing to speaking. It's hard to say what you mean when you feel pressured and put on the spot. I have to see a lawyer tomorrow and I typed up four pages of everything I want him to know because I know I am not going to remember it all or say it the right way when I see him.

Maybe your therapist would let you send an email before each session? Or you could type one up and bring it with you? You're paying for help, so it seems like a therapist would welcome the opportunity to help you more efficiently by letting you communicate some things in writing.