Feeling like I get hit at every corner

I'm just gonna go out and list bulletpoints of what's going on with me right now.

-in college currently junior year
-placed on academic probation because had my first job last semester and put more priority on my job
-still at said job and mostly hate it since it keeps interfering with my school work alot
-kinda lagging behind in said classes, there's a chance I might get kicked out if I don't get my grades up
-trying to get grades up now but job keeps putting me to work on the worst days (like for example they want me to work today from 4pm to 11pm when I have a test I need to study for tomorrow and going in at 7am)
-having to stay up late to complete various assignments....just feel so tired most of the time and stressed out
-try to get invested in new hobbies to help with self-esteem and happiness but can barely get moments to invest in them fully. They help block out problems for a quick second then I remember my issues again
-really scared about family finding out about my near academic probation, they constantly think I'm lazy and don't try most of the time
-next test and projects are due with alot riding on them this week before spring break
-things with friends go smoothly then kinda go downhill from time to time as plans don't always seem to work out
-not doing well at making new friends, it seems to just get harder for me
-considered ending my life on multiple occasions even hoping someone would try to rob my store so I could have a chance of dying
-try to dismiss thoughts and look for brighter alternatives, it worked for a while but it keeps building up

I really am at a standstill of what to do. Most of the time these days I just want to sit down and study my notes or have a quiet evening but everyone in my house keeps arguing and fighting....

I really consider turning to drinking to help null my pain because I just feel like breaking down and crying. I know alcohol won't help and it just sickens myself even more that I considered it. I'm just so disgusted with myself for almost everything that's crossed my mind....alcohol....suicide.....

I just want to feel like for a brief second....for a brief moment that I don't have to worry about anything but it keeps hitting me in the *** each time...

I'm sorry for what you're going through. College can be very stressful especially with a job on top of classes. I understand why you're scared about your family finding out about academic probation, but maybe you should tell them. Maybe you should ask them for advice on what to do and for help. One thing I know is your family always will love you, and if you go to them in distress they will help you.

I hope you feel better

When I ran into my 1st wall of mental illness I tried to self medicate with alcohol...it doesn't work so please don't start. I would suggest seeking counseling through your student counselling center. They can help you come up with a plan to manage all the stress you are under.
Good luck.

QUIT the job! Your education is more important - you need to slow down & focus on SELF CARE. Start exercising (even a little to start with), force yourself to get involved with a group that interests you, eat healthy food. If you have to get a student loan to make it, so what! You are overworked & ready to break - lower the stress level so you can re-calibrate so to speak..... You are WORTH IT

I promise you that drinking will intensify the suicidal ideation, so I'm begging you to not go down that road.

I originally wasn't set up, to max student loans, until stepmom went back to school, and all my dads backpay child support was recalculated so she could get her schooling, I digress....maxing them, isn't a path I recommend, lest you want $800/month loan payments. And I was working, 16-24 hours depending how I fixed my academic schedule, bulking class days, to have 2-3 days open for office work.
Take a calendar book, those big ones, with removable pages. Time management. Work no more than 24hours.
Starting test studies, small chunks, only way to be a working student. Tell your fam, therapy, detachment skills from power they have over your self esteem.

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