[Rayne Selene]

I'm so tired, I can't even think straight. I'm doing terribly in school, I work seven days a week, and I can't take a day off without feeling lazy and pathetic. I want to get back to doing the things that matter to me, writing, painting, living. But I can't do that because my life costs money, a lot of it. I need to get my degree, but I can't focus in my classes. I'm barely pulling Cs and Bs. I'm so exhausted. I've come close to suicide on more than one occasion. I was recently diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. I have a family that counts on me, friends, a boyfriend. I have to keep doing all this. It doesn't help that I've been sick for the last three weeks with some unidentifiable illness; headaches, fatigue, stomach pain/upset stomach, dizziness, shortness of breath, bla bla bla.... The doctor literally told me "I have no idea what's wrong with you."
Is it terrible to wish that I could just get hurt, or sick, or something, and be hospitalized? To be forced to stop working and school and just rest? I want that so badly. I'm so so so so so tired, I'm falling apart.
Sorry for ranting. I don't really know where else to go right now.

I'm right there with you. I honestly considered the merits of getting myself committed just for the holiday.

I can't help you deal with it I don't know how to myself but I can say you're not alone.

[live2ski66]

I hear you. Not that I am a doctor, but your illness can be a manifestation of your psychiatric illness. If I were you, I would start by telling the doctor who diagnosed you with bipolar everything you wrote here. If you are suicidal, don't wait, get to the ER, they'll admit you for a psychological evaluation and will monitor your suicidal behavior. They might keep you there for a few days while psychiatrists evaluate you and determine your best treatment. Life is too short to continue struggling, your family and friends deserve more than you can offer in your current state. Hope this helps and good luck.

[monkeybrains21]

I agree with above. U can't be there for anyone and u can't get better until u help urself. If suicidal call hotline or go to er

[Go Hungry]

"headaches, fatigue, stomach pain/upset stomach, dizziness, shortness of breath"

All of these symptoms match up with panic attacks, which are very common with Bipolar Disorder. Not saying you're going to be having them everyday of your life or anything, so don't get scared of that. But what you're talking about sounds exactly like my bipolar, which I'm going through a bout of right now.

As for the other things you were speaking of, the extreme pressure that you're under right now... Sometimes it's a good thing to take a break. Sometimes you just have to, and if you have do, then a hospital is a safe place to do that. Call your psycho-doc and tell them -everything- you just posted. Even the little stuff. And this doesn't necessarily mean that you'll have to go in. Outpatient therapy can work wonders.

Don't let shame or fear keep you in pain. Also, if you're thinking about hurting yourself, even just a little bit? Go to the ER.

And just an aside... You're awesome.