new to this but desperately need some advice

I have been with my boyfriend for just over a year, to be precise its about a year and two weeks. Recently we have been arguing abit. We didn't celebrate our anniversary because i got the impression he didn't really want to. We are only 17-18 yrs old and i know that sometimes he gets abit freaked out when it comes to things like commitment. I know it isn't because he doesn't want to be with me but all of his friends are single currently and i know that sometimes he thinks that i think we are going to be together for ever and i want something really serious but i have explained to him i know we only take it one day at a time and i don't expect years and years of serious relationship seeing as we're both still really young. However i was farely disspaointed that he didn't make any effort towards our anniversary. i didn't say anything though. I brought him as a present later on in the week a nice desinger t-shirt, i thought he would like it because it wan't too serious and i know he would like it. He took the t-shirt told me he liked it but i never really got anything back, no card or anything. Just on the day of our anniversary "happy anniversary" and a kiss. A week later a large group of us went out on a big night out for somebodies birthday. One his friends hurt my feelings and my boyfriend didn't stick up for me. I got abit upset and it did end up in a very big row. Things have only started to back to normal now. i Don't know what to think anymore. We sent a few mobile messages during a few days and he said he didn't want to break up but he does think our good time maybe over. I didn't understand though because all the other times we have had arguments he hasn't ever thought about breaking up. Its like he does want to be with me but doesn't want anything serious. Its really hard because i can't say anything about it to him because i am afraid of what he will say. I have noticed that ever from our big row he doesn't say i love you any more and he is slightly moody and short with me. When i am with him he doesn't really give me much attention. When we are walking round town shopping or on lunch he makes excuses why he doesn't want to hold my hand "i just want to put them in my pockets for abit" is what he says. Yet he says he doesn't want to break up with me. I am so confused i just don't know what to think. What could i do to make him realise how much i mean to him one reason its so hard is because i know i mean alot to him but he just won't show it. i just need something to open him up alittle and i don't know how. I don't want years and years i see it as you take one day at a time because we are still really young.

it is really getting to me and i am feeling really sad about it because i do love him and means so much to me. what bothrse me the most is i know he loves me otherwise he would have broken up with me the night we had the big argument it was the prime time for him to.

Has anyone got any advice please i would really appreciate it!

Sorry to hear you are going through this. But, you might be right about better now than later after years and years of unhappiness.

While I know you are SURE this is love, it doesn't sound like it. It may be intense LIKE, and need? The bad thing is, you are both too young to commit to a lifelong event. The good thing is, you are both young enough to learn from this relationship and move on.

There ARE others "out there" who do know how to care about another person, not having to be put first. IMHO you should work on yourself. Find out who you really are, what you really like, what kind of life you really want. I don't think this will be a quick decision: how can you possibly understand all of what life offers???

Again, I'm sorry you are hurting. It's important to be your own person that doesn't need another to feel whole. Once you become that person, it will be easier for you to identify a mate with the same attribute.

Perhaps you can stay friends for now? But I would chalk this relationship up, you deserve better.

<font color=green>Good wishes and welcome!.

<font color=blue> meditation is a true way to connect to the Source </font color=blue>

Emma,

I remember going through this in high school. To be honest, I think most young men are not very good at expressing themselves, or even at knowing what they really want from someone. They are not taught to reflect on such things as much as women are.

I think if you are interested in other guys, you should focus more on them and maybe develop friendships so that you feel there is more in your social life than just your boyfriend. Even if you aren't looking for a relationship with anyone else, it helps to connect with friends, because you will realize that lots of people are plenty interested in you and they may have as much, if not more, to offer than the guy who is making you feel this way.

Best of luck.
cthonica

Hi Emma,

I'm almost 35 years old and I still remember the way I felt about the boyfriend I was with at your age. I ended up pushing him into marrage when I was 18 and he was 20. Well, not quite pushing him because he was the one who asked me because he didn't want to loose me. I had made the decision to move to Washington DC when he was in bootcamp and he really didn't want to loose the control he always had over me so he asked me to marry him knowing that's all I ever wanted. But still we did it for the wrong reasons. Hind sight is 20/20 when you get older and look back. I have to say that I would go back and do it all over again the same way because we wouldn't have our son today if I didn't but I was misserable!! If you can make the best decisions now you will be so much happier. I remember just how much I loved him back then. He was my WHOLE life. What I would do is take it slow. Men can sometimes be closed up because they don't know how to talk to us about how they're feeling.(Sorry guys, LOL) Let him know that you're there and that you care. Things will work themselves out. Your both young. You might find out that he's not the right one for you. I wish you the best of luck.

Love,
Wendy