i desperately need feedback

it's been years since my brother and i have been able to get along. i inherited what he wanted, when our parents died. i let him graze his cattle in my pastures, but that was not enough.

my daughter went to the ranch this week-end. my father built a smokehouse and an adjoining washhouse, back in the 40s. when i was growing up, my mother and father fed us off the land and with what they raised. my dad would smoke the meat and preserve it in the smokehouse. my mother had a wringer washer in the other side that she washed our clothes in. she heated the water in an iron pot (that my bro stole) and dried them on a line.

we kept a lot of their possesions in both sides. i had my very valuable (sentimentally) collection of Christmas ornaments in an old refrigerator, so the rats couldn't get to them. everything in there was neatly stored and protected. most of the ornaments were bought in New Orleans, during my many trips there.

my daughter called me sunday night. my brother tore the building down for the wood.(beautiful gray wood) it was on my land. the refrigerator is gone. the cardboard barrels are gone (full of antique linens and antique quilts)(saved for my granddaughters) and things are scattered on the front porch and in the yard. my highschool mementos are gone, as are my daughter's college items. there is no fence where the building was. so anyone's cattle can walk into the yard and tear up more things. i've hardly slept since sunday night, with severe stomach trouble, and i'm emotionally sick.

i called one of my sisters yesterday and told her that i am going to get a restraining order against him and go to the district atty and do whatever i have to do, to charge him with theft and destruction of property.

the sister called early this a.m. and told me that she doesn't want me to proceed with my plans. she says it will be in the paper??? and all that means is she will be embarrassed. she then told me that my parents would turn in their graves, if i pressed charges against my bro. i pointed out that my parents had been distressed over his actions for years and years before they died. and then i asked her what i should do about my possesions and the damages. her reply was for me to forget it and move forward. all of her concern is for herself. she is only worried about someone finding out what kind of person my brother really is. my family has laid down and rolled over for him, as long as i can remember. he's mistreated all of us and threatened to kill me, after i inherited a section of the ranch.

i feel that i have to stand up for myself. my friend, robert, is coming up from Austin, to accompany me down there next week. i do not fear for myself, physically. i fear for my emotions, if i don't do something about this. the sister that called me has never approved of my life and is very, very judgmental about my daughters. so, it isn't like i'm going to be losing alot if she's mad.

i need feedback from people who know that life is not all roses. thanks, xoxoxo pat

Oh, my goodness...
This "brother" has destroyed your family heirlooms, your possessions from your past on the ranch, and all your sister is concerned about is that the neighbors might find out!
Is he living on the property, in the family home? Or just grazing his cattle there? Whatever his circumstances, what he has done is blatantly destructive and hateful.
I am a little concerned for your safety going there.
Seeker

Maybe consider calling the police? Maybe he didn't do it? Maybe it's good to hold someone accountable?

two of my cousins saw him doing it. they tried to stop him and couldn't. he had workers with him. he doesn't live on my part of the ranch. he sold his part and he has a ranch about 13 miles from mine.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{[Pat}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}]

Sounds like something done under the influence of drugs/alcohol. It's violence. I encourage you to consider pressing charges.

(((((((((((((((((((((((Pat))))))))))))))))))))))))

((((((((((((Pat)))))))))))

This is terrible. I am so sorry for the loss of those very precious valuables. I agree with Ozzie. You can not live your life based around other people. You need to do what is right for you and only you. If it were me, I would proceed the same way.
I am behind you in whatever you decide. Please keep us posted, k?

Hugs,

Jen

I'd press charges. 'nuff said.

friends, i believe that i will sleep better tonight. thank you, thank you, thank you for your support. it is very much needed. i'm being pulled on from all sides. xoxo pat

Press charges.

If the shoe was on the other foot and SHE wanted to handle something in a way that you didn't approve of, do you really think she'd say "Oh, OK, because you don't approve, I won't do it"?

Oh man, that is horrible!! I don't know how your sister and brother can be so cold,inconsiderate and downright mean.
I don't know what to tell you, but the heck with your sister and her worrying about it being in the newspaper, you do what you need to do for yourself. Sure easy for her to say "move on", okay, and in time you will, but for now, precious items of times,memories, have been robbed from you, this is something that one does not "just get over".
I bet she'd tell the hurricane victims that lost everything to "just get over it", huh?
It is sad when the passing of parent(s) ends with siblings fighting over stuff, I hope you'll be able to find peace, and maybe even something stuck in the rubble that belonged to you, please take care. If possible, take legal action on
your brother, I don't like to say things like this, but there is no excuse or reason,for what he did,he should of at least notified you before he knocked down the building(s)
giving you time to gather up your stuff.
"Should of", I know it is past tense and can't replace or undo what is done, but perhaps teach him a good lesson, a person is never too old to learn.
Wishing you luck and inner strength, please know we are here.
Love,
DE



((((((((((((((((((( fayerody ))))))))))))))

Hi.

When my mother died,I was in the hspital. By the time I was discharged...my sister-in-law took all of my mother's possesions. From her rings to her socks.. She and my brother are cold & hateful. What a thing to do. It's sad when people think "it's all about the money"!

The bandits...gypsys!

~Dottie

So sorry for the loss of those mementos as well as the damage to your property. IMHO, you are doing just what you need to do, making your brother accountable for his actions. As for your sister - she will just have to deal with it.......he didnt do this to HER, he did it to YOU. I am glad your friend will go there with you, giving you support especially when you actually see what has been done ! Good luck to you, grieving over these losses IS hurtful. Take care of YOU through this time!

one thing that is going to be so hard, is to stand in my back door and that building won't be there. it had been there so long that i don't remember it never setting there. during the blizzard, 2000, a little screech owl took shelter on the light that was on the front. memories that are breaking my heart. i'm still getting physically sick when i think about it. the list of things that are gone keeps getting bigger..thanks, everyone..xoxo

Definitely press charges, and to heck with your sister.

I was living in a very small town with my then-bf when I got pregnant years ago. It was one of those places that listed birth announcements in the paper.

When I went to pre-register at the hospital, they asked if I wanted to have the announcement in the paper. I said yes. My %$#@!!! bf said no, because his grandfather was a big hotshot dr. at that particular hospital, and he didn't want his gparents knowing I was pregnant.

The "no info" order meant that when I went into labor and people called to check on what was going on with me, they were told that that information couldn't be given out, so none of my friends except one, who I called myself, knew that I was in the hospital giving birth, or if I'd had a boy or girl and when, etc.

I have always resented the hell out of that, that just because my bf was ashamed of what was half his fault in the first place, my friends couldn't find out anything.

Moral of this story is, don't let anybody push you around just because it will "make them look bad." Your property was destroyed. You had a right to it. Your brother didn't. That's a chargeable offense. Go for it.

Love, Candy

i just talked to my other sister and i admitted to her that i've finally come to grips with the biggest emotional loss. that building represented my mother and father. i could still walk in there and feel their presence. i could smell the smoky fragrance from my childhood. i could hear that old wringer washer chugging along. that's the main thing that he took from me and he also took it from my sisters. only one admits to feeling as i feel. this has really been a hard morning, as i'm trying to deal with the loss of that which was so very special.

((((((((((pat))))))))))))) I wish there was something I could say to make it all better but I don't know what to say. I am thinking of you and hope all goes well if you decide to confront your brother.

Jbug

i'm skipping a family reunion this saturday, because anything i would do if i see him, would be untoward and unseemly and undignified. the first time he'll know that i'm after him is when he is served the restraining order.

Too bad you have to skip a family reunion because of HIS actions ! Too bad the order cannot be served before then - stating HE cannot be in your presence and that you are attending the reunion ! Oh well - at least, you are processing the losses, dealing with them appropriately, and have a plan. Good luck !

(((((((((pat))))))))

After losing 2 brothers to suicide; and knowing that of the 2 still alive; the oldest one is like your brother & sis -- it truly breaks my heart. I believe he cares more of what they left behind than the fact that they're gone....the reason we don't talk.

For you to have to watch brother VS sister "go at each other like greedy, hungry wolves" must be just as painful. All I can do is send you a huge box of hugs & my invisible teddy bear so that you would have something to hug during this "attitude problem" they are going through is gone & of course........((((((hugs?)))))

Peace, Dayzee9

thank you. today i've been a bit more grounded. thank you for the teddy bear. i will sleep with it tonight. this has really been a hard week.

Look to what really matters in the end.

Pat,
What an awful thing to face. I'm sorry for your loss and the continued stress of dealing with your brother.

gg