[blind archer]

there are so many thing to tell about that i dont know how or from where to begin

i have never been good at talking. in any kind of situation i struggle to form sentences and speak normally. the words i need to use would come very late and in jumbled order and i would say them like that and then at last form a sane sentence. keep this in mind and also that english isnt my first language

couple of years ago i discoved that one of the things i was suffering from since like always was maladaptive daydreaming from this site online.

i showed all the symptoms, but sadly i found out i had already tried almost all the possible treatments the website told about. my struggles to become an better/average person were everyday since i was like 11 as felt i needed to do so.

i think i had been suffering from social anxiety from even earlier but just a month ago something strange happened. i achieved success in a task on the same day as a very humiliating incident happened to me. a day later i realised that when people were praising me i wasnt feeling happy due to them but because i did something that increased my self esteem and in all my life i have never felt any different when anyone thought good about me so why should i care that people are laughing at me. i lost all my fears that day but there are a couple of symptoms that are still here. a lot of people with social anxiety script their future conversations. i do that even though conversations always go different than i scripted and even though i have seen that i talk better naturally. i still cant stop doing that . whenever i think i am going to have a conversation i start scrpting it in my head then i stop when realise i shouldnt do so then start doing it again some time later. it is one of the hundreds of irrational repetitive thought processes that start abruptly and i cant realise and stop them until like a lot of time has been wasted.

i just saw i also show many symptoms from ADD so i might have that too

when i was a kid i was brilliant at my studies until i got introduced to video games, internet and tv leading to more than 10 years of continuous time waste and stuggle with studies and having an old man-like physical stamina.

this year is the deciding year of my like so i must get freedom from my um these things or live a crap life. i thought i should get rid of all kinds of entertainment first. you see i have seen so many movies that i can almost predict what is going to happen next. and even something surprising happens i feel nothing. i have played so many games that i can easily play better than most while only using a fraction of my consiousness and daydreaming with the rest. same thing with novels and stuff. even internet is not intresting anymore. even though these things had stopped giving me any kind of positive feeling years ago i couldnt quit them. because i was very addicting to them somehow. but after a lot of struggle at this moment i have spent 146 hours without them

it is still hard to be productive. i seem to have grown a phobia of studying after all these years. i dealt with the fear of failing, uncertainity, pessimism, anxiety that were holding me back but i still cant read. i just kill time wandering around, streching time taken on doing simple tasks. i dont feel tired or drained ever after studying but i still just dont do it.

another problem is that throughout the day, some song i heard years ago, some scene from a movie, some quote from a game starts repeating in my head. i know people do this but i do it way more than acceptable. even those things i never liked repeat the same way. i re-enact a scene from a movie, line by line, second by second in my brain wasting a lot of time. even at times like im solving a maths question during an exam i can feel these things running in the background increasing the time i take for doing the question. i dont even enjoy them. what are these things called? mind-worms?(like earworms for catchy music)

i am also VERY unobservant. if i close my eyes i probably wont be able to remember what im wearing. i try to practise midfullness and to be observant all the time but automatically every 15 seconds i start having mind-worms or day dreams or start ruminating the past or future and by the time i realise and stop them i have missed a lot. i forget names, where things are kept, the way to a particular room in school and things that are happening in front of me

i have no access to mental help but i am making progress myself. if anyone has anything useful to tell me please do

[blind archer]

i forgot to menton that i often say things that you would call unacceptable. i just say that it was the person whom i was talking to overreacting and realise months later that i shouldnt have said that

[plynstrom261]

Hi there,

I hope you're doing well. I think that your inability to study might be your way of coping by avoiding studying altogether; I would encourage you to take small steps in the direction that you want to go. Once you start making more and more small and positive changes you will be less likely to avoid situations or resort to maladaptive daydreaming.

I know a book which might be useful if you want to explore your thoughts and behaviors in order to have a better understanding of yourself; the book is called "Mind Over Mood" by Dennis Greenberger and it is a bestseller so it should be easy to acquire. This book teacher Cognitive Behavioral Therapy which helps you understand how your thoughts and behaviors are all related.

Unfortunately I cannot give you any diagnoses, since they would likely to wrong.

I hope you find the peace and joy that you are looking for.

Kindest Regards.

[saw_q]

well me honestly i got brain and nerves issue. anyway i also didn't give it up and let the time past by. now thanks god i in good state and become to recover slowly. i try chinease medicine herb and also hospital too.. anyway i can say i'm ok.. i'm alright now.. go try to Chinese medicine shop. coz death nerves need its food. my conclution. give it A shoot ok.. alright friend. tq.