[razeljenny]

What is it? How come I run myself into the ground? I get caught and than I feel like I just fell a thousand feet! It feels so stinky rotten. I am so mad because I do it again and again and don't learn to stop doing the things that get me to there! Hopelessness sucks and I can't can't go there too much more. It's sad running myself into the ground. Do "YOU" ever do it???? What discussion can you share here on the board about running yourself that way? What secrects do you have that you can help with this? Has anyone figured out ways of just accepting those times? Has anyone been hospitalized by it? What good or bad did you derive from this? How can we discuss this fallacy all people have everywhere? Do you feel like sharing on this drastic topic? Thankyou if you do and if you don't I thank you for thinking about this touchy topic, very very much all of you here at Psycentral. Robin Razel

[almostangela]

I had to learn the hard way. Once I wound up in the hospital and couldn't eat and no one knew why. It took four months to pull out of that. Later, I wound up with panic attacks that showed up at the most inopportune times. I am fine now, but that was after I dealt with my inside insatable need to do a million things and hold everything on my shoulders. Therapy helped, and now whenever I get into that mode, I check into myself and ask myself why I am working so hard and then I force myself to stop and chop down the tasks and demands. I learned that being imperfect feels real good and I kinda like being a little messed up. Saying 'to hell with it' and walking away is very liberating for me.

[URIIADDIVME]

See if you can make this fit for yourself;

Dependence is a drive motivated behavior, primary dependence occurs in the infant-juevenile state. Secondary dependence in the parental state.
Socialization, among humans, is competitive sexual selection, as in Darwin.
Primary Dependence is incongruent with mate selection and also with secondary (parental) dependence.
But, as a drive motivated behavior, primary dependence attempts to maximize its effect, influence, or continuation, this acts upon the evolution of species to extend the duration of the initial, developmental maturational stage.

So- humans take a long time to grow up- decades.
They are therefore, required by the nature of their maturational process, to maintain the behavioral state of primary dependence for an equally extended time.
That is to say, the child must behave as a child, the parent as a parent, for the process to function.
So then- perhaps "running yourself down" is an effort to manage the remaining influence of primary dependence.
Because- primary dependence does not just vanish in a puff of smoke and it doesn't mix well with competitive socialization either.
Also- Primary dependence elicits secondary dependence. This is intended as an interactive process but can occur in an internalized fashion as well. That phenomena is problematic.
Well anyway, that's one cause of the behavior you describe.
You can read more of my muzings here if you want to put up with it; do a name search in the "General" forum.
Bye-

[Soidhonia]

Hello I am sorry that you are having it rough at this time. Have you been talking to your therapist in an honest manner? Honesty is the best policy, the reason you may not be progressing in therapy is because you are not getting the therapy you need at this time. WE all make mistakes and making them continually is not necessary if you get the right therapy that you need to see yourself and catching yourself before the tragedy occurs. Staying out of tragedys sometimes takes planning to keep ourselves SAFE. Perhaps if you spent a little more time on looking at the initial pros and cons of your behaviior and thought processes it would help keep you safe. For example: You know you are possibly getting into a dangerous or triggering situaiton, you can either get in the situation or out of the situation by thinking of your safety first, and then making the right decision. It takes practice but it is very helpful if you think of safety First and then there should be less tragedies that occur from your actions later. This is called protective thinking and positive motivation. Your Safety should always be the first thing that comes to mind and what meeds to be done to stay safe. NO is a very good word to use if you need to use the word NO. Boiundaries are very good there are many books regarding boundaries that may help you as well. The point I am tring to make to you is you deserve to have less tragedy in your life and you can have less tragedy if you think and act accordingly in a positive and safe manner. I really hope the best for you and I hope things get better soon. Take care Soidhonia

[razeljenny]

thankyou

[(JD)]

Moderation is good for most all things, imo.

What disorder(s) do you have? Do you know?

How does it feel, this running into the ground? Is it a mental thing or physical or both for you?

Many of your statements are standard issues that CBT addresses (see the sticky post at the top of psychotherapy forum.) Black and white thinking, catastrophizing etc... countering these will help you not feel so frustrated and desperate, I think.

If it's planning and doing to many things and such, then using a calendar and honest thinking might help. If you are experiencing highs and lows such as with bipolar disorder, then expert help is necessary, imo.

TC

I have indeed run myself down to a "nubbin" as I call it. Couldn't stop until every little drop of me was gone. I consistantly did this - it was a lifestyle for me. As I got older - into my 40's and now into my 50's my body started to really rebel by permenant health problems. In my 20's and 30's, I would get violently sick with the flu several times a year- so bad that I had to be hospitalized - I think it was my body's way of forcing me to take downtime. It was also dangerous for me.

My very best friend (of 28 years) kept seeing me do this over and over again. She started "working on me" lecturing me literally (she was allowed being my best friend) and gradually she got thru. The things she kept saying "moderation" , "moderation", "moderation". So now in my 50's I actually find that I've changed, I now say moderation. She had also pointed out constantly, how I was running myself into the ground. The extreme amount of activities, the stressful situations that I put myself in without needing to, the way I handled stressful situations that made it worse.

I gradually became aware of what I was doing. I started to ask myself in advance - is this going to be stressful to me, do I actually NEED to to that activity - if the answer was no, then I didn't do it, if it was yes - I then asked myself how can I do this with the least stress. Stress for me has always led to depression and physical illness. It took so much effort.. sometimes I just wanted to give up. But I haven't had the "flu" in 10 years. The payoff for changing was worth it.

I guess what I am saying is pretty plain, Sorry..... I wish I could really help. It took a great deal of developing self awareness, then practice and monitering to change my behavior. My best friend supported me thru these changes - I didn't always like what she had to say like "And why the heck you doing that????" but it did help.

Sincerely,
freeW