[mj14]

On Thursday morning, I noticed my cat was acting sick, just kind of lying around. When I took him to the vet, I found out that his kidneys and liver were failing. It would have taken a blood transfusion just for him to make it through the weekend, and even if they could stabilize him, he would need daily shots, and would just keep getting sicker and sicker. So, after many tears, I made the decision, and Thursday evening, my cat Jesse was put to sleep.

A friend of mine found Jesse when she heard this strange sound coming from a hole in the laundry room wall at her apartment building. She reached in and pulled out a three week old, filthy, wailing kitten. She had to feed him with a baby bottle. But her roommate was terribly allergic, so eventually, they needed to find a home for him, and I took him in.

For three years, I wondered if there was something wrong with Jesse, because he never meowed. One day I looked down and I was accidently standing on his tail, and still, not a peep. Then one day, there were workmen coming to my apartment, so I shut him in the bathroom so he wouldn't run out the door. When I opened the door to let him out, he looked at me, gave a single "meow" and walked past me out of the bathroom. I suppose that he just never made a noise because up until that point, everything had pretty much been ok. That stoic attitude stayed with him through his whole life. He had terrible urinary tract and bladder problems, which had to have been painful...usually, you can tell when a cat has this because it will cry and cry...but Jesse just bore it all silently. For four years, he was sick almost constantly, but after countless trips to the vet and two surgeries, he was finally better.

And he was a tough little fella. I used to worry about the dog tormenting him, and then I realized that when they fought, it was usually Jesse starting the fight! He would sit on a chair, and jump on my dog's back as he walked by. It didn't matter one bit that the dog weighed four times what he did. I once tried using the old "water pistol" trick to get him to stay off the table. Never worked...for two weeks, he just walked around wet all the time...seemed like nothing could keep him from doing just what he pleased.

But he was always my sweet kitty. No one else could really get near him...he never even really warmed up to my ex, who he lived with for 11 years...but he was just the most affectionate thing with me, cuddling with me, purring, sleeping between my feet. It was like a little secret, only showing me what a sweet and loving cat he really was.

And now my little boy is gone. Everywhere I look, there are signs of him. I miss him so much.

I'm sorry this was so long - thank you to those who managed to get through the whole thing. I know I'm not handling this well, so I hope that by writing it all down, it will help me handle losing my dear, sweet, little Jesse.

mj

[Rapunzel]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Jesse must have been an incredible cat, and you gave him everything in life that he deserved. Yes, it hurts to lose someone you love, and you need to mourn for him. It's okay to be sad. Thanks for sharing with us.
Love,
Wendy

<font color=orange>"They accused us of suppressing freedom of expression. This was a lie and we could not let them publish it." ... from the Director of Censorship...

</font color=orange>

[Peanut61]

(((((((((((((((((((((((MJ & Jesse)))))))))))))))))))))) - I was boobing when I finished reading your post - what a wonderful tribute to your sweet kitty. I'm so sorry for your loss, MJ. With much sympathy, XOXO Jill

<font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT</font color=blue>

[mj14]

Thanks, Wendy...he was a pretty special guy. I know I'm going to be sad for awhile, but it did help to write it all down, and think about all the good things. And it helps a lot to know there are people who can understand.

*hugs*
mj

[mj14]

Thanks, Jill. That makes two of us, because I was pretty weepy by the time I finished writing it, too.

I really appreciate your hugs and support...it makes it a lot easier knowing that I don't have to go through this alone.

*hugs*
mj

[inkblot]

{{{{{{{{{{{MJ}}}}}}}}}}}} I know how hard it is for you. I've had to put the dog I'd raised from an 8-week-old pup to sleep. She was old, but refused to ever grow up. She never believed she couldn't play with me just as she always had, even when it was clearly much harder for her. Pets are like our children. We care for and nurture them, and they do the same for us! I'm sorry for your loss. Post more and let us know how you are doing. Maybe we can chat if you are up to it. Feel better.

[mj14]

Thanks, inkblot. Yes, my boys are definitely my four-legged furry children. And the sad truth is, they go from being babies to senior citizens so fast, but they never stop being our babies.

Thanks again.
*hugs*
mj

[darkeyes]

mj14, you know you have my heart with this, an animal lover, and "owned" by a pet, my Molly girl. I wish there was some words of comfort here, but know that Jesse will always be with you as long as he stays in your heart and soul.
And also know he had a great mom (you) in his life here on earth, I hope it is true that we shall meet our loved ones and pets in the "next" world

Love,
DE

In giving advice seek to help, not please your friend
SOLON

[PlanningtoLive]

MJ, I am so sorry for your loss...........there are no good words to help you, but please realize how much I care and that I will say some extra prayers for you, okay?

xoxoxoxox

Mary Alice

[dexter]

Hi mj14, I haven't responded yet to this although I am deeply sorry for your loss, pets really are family members, (in some cases superior to family members) and I know it is a huge loss.

I really enjoyed reading your post however. A vivid capsule of his life painted in just a few paragraphs, so that I really feel as if I knew him and can almost picture him and his personality.

Although your post was prompted by a very sad event, it is filled with the love that comes from such a strong bond between friends.

I hope you can remember that love along with your memories of Jesse. You may always miss him, but the grieving will pass, and your memories will last forever, and they will have the power to bring you a smile once the pain of the loss begins to subside.

It is rare that a post can evoke such strong empathy of loss and also inspire a smile in a stranger "thinking back" on Jesse's life. I thank you for sharing this, and hope you are able to do well with your memories of him and with the support of others.

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
-- <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com>http://www.idexter.com</A>

[WendyE]

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I can understand how special Jesse is to you. It can be so hard to loose a pet that you've become so attached to. It sounds like you had many wonderful loving years with him. Your very lucky to had that and he was very lucky to have had you to love him.

Jesse sounds like my Snuggles. She doesn't seem to trust anyone but me. She's never really bonded with anyone else. We are so very close, her and I. I can't emagine loosing her yet. I can only emagine how your loss must feel. Your Jesse isn't in any pain now and that can be comforting. Hold tight to all those wonderful memories he left behind just for you.

Love,
Wendy

so sorry to hear about your cat.......they mean so much to us......

[SeptemberMorn]

MJ, I'm so sorry for the loss of your cat. Like others have said, our pets become part of our family and it's difficult to move one once they are gone.

Take care of yourself, allow yourself to mourn, but remember all the joy Jesse gave you.

<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

[Fuzzybear]

mj, what a beautiful tribute to Jesse, thanks for sharing. I am very sorry for your loss.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{mj and Jesse}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Love,
Fuzzy

[bptoo]

mj,

I'm so very sorry about the loss of Jesse. You were both blessed to have each other in your lives. I can tell by your words that he was family to you, and that's something very special.

I hope that when you've had your time to grieve, no matter how long that takes, that you will be left with beautiful memories of you and Jesse together, and the love you had.

All my love mj,
Greg

[mj14]

Thanks, de. You've always been a kindred "pet mommy". I keep expecting to see Jesse's little gray and white face peeking through his kitty door...but as you say, he will always be with me in my heart.

Thanks again.
*hugs and puppy kisses*
mj

[mj14]

Thanks, Mary Alice. Your thoughts and words of support have been a big comfort to me. I appreciate it all so much...it helps more than I can say to know that y'all care.

*hugs*
mj

[mj14]

Thanks, Dave. My "boys" are my family...I've shared more of my life with them than with anyone other than my parents and brothers. It means so much to me that you got a sense of Jesse through my post. There are no obituaries or eulogies for animals, but I needed to write down all those wonderful memories of him, to hold them in my heart along with the pain of his loss. And I know that those good memories, the happy times, are what will endure.

*hugs*
mj

[mj14]

Thanks, Wendy. Part of why I felt I had to write this was to let other people see the "secret" love that Jesse showed only to me.

Thanks again.
*hugs*
mj

[mj14]

Thanks, butterflylady. Jesse and my dogs are such a huge part of my life. I can hardly believe that he's really gone. I am so grateful for the support of you and everyone here.

*hugs*
mj

[Dorian]

THE SADEST 2 WORDS IN THE ENLISH LANGUAGE,
AND CERTAINLY NOTHING GOOD ABOUT GOOD BYE, SORRY MJ . . .BEN
(((((((((((((((( 4 MJ ))))))))))))))))))

[mj14]

Thanks, Tomi. I will always hold Jesse's memory in my heart, and will remember all the love he brought into my life. A friend of mine told me that he would not get another pet because he couldn't bear the pain of losing them...but I wouldn't trade away this pain in a million years if it meant losing the 13 years that Jesse was with me.

*hugs*
mj

[mj14]

Thanks, Fuzzy. Your love and support have meant so much to me. It helped me a lot to write about Jesse, and it helps even more to read everyone's condolences.

*hugs*
mj

[mj14]

Thanks Greg. I do feel blessed to have had Jesse with me for 13 years. It's hard right now, but I know that the love he gave me will always be in my heart, and even though he's gone, I still feel him with me.

*hugs*
Love ya,
Jo

[mj14]

Thanks Ben...I know you are dealing with pain of your own, and your words really mean a lot to me. Goodbye is never easy, but I suppose it is the price we pay for loving.

*hugs*
mj