[thickntired]

I've always heard the adage, our secrets keep us sick. I don't buy that anymore when it comes to my treatment. At my last stay in the psych ward I was terrified that I was losing my mind. As most patients, I was in an extremely vulnerable situation. For 5 days I was grilled on everything from when I lost my virginity, a list of all drugs I've used, and the worst - ptsd from childhood.

I swear to God about 12 people subjected me to detailed scrutiny. Social workers, nurses, therapists, numerous pdocs, primary care doctors, and best of all a pair of young somethings. I was never told if they were students, interns, or college kids doing there required psych 101 studies. I'll just refer to them as tweedle dee and tweedle dum.

I was way worse after discharge. In the past I've been stabilized with meds and come to a point where I'm not suicidal or homicidal. ( I've never been homicidal until spending 5 days with the cheerful, peppy and intrigued random mental health whatever) I wanted to punch most of them in the face and I'm not a violent person.

So, since my release in March I feel violated. Every time I divulged into the twisted senerios it was akin to being raped. When I cried I was given visyral aka benadryl or a journal to "write about my feelings."

That was the first time I've been straight up honest and forthcoming with all of my life. Yeah, big mistake. Now, I have so much shame, hopelessness, anger and regret. Who knows where all those people keep the notes of questions, diagnosis and speculation. I have no idea where they work or any accredidations. Maybe I'm patient X a dehumanized case study. Usually I'm able to better research or judge psych employees and know if they're straight up incompetent. But I was so desperate for help from anyone.

I feel like I'm on the cover of an awful tabloids full of unflattering photos, brutal opinions and speculation. It is now hard to make eye contact, I've left AA, I keep my mouth shut and downplay illness.

I don't think I will ever trust anyone with what goes on in my head.
Except here, thank God for this we site.

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[Yoda]

I understand exactly what you are talking about. The last time I was inpatient the admitting nurse asked me if I had ever had childhood sexual assault. I said yes and then she started probing and asking for details of what happened. I have never talked about this with my T or my pdoc and I felt violated. I received no counselling for CSA while I was inpatient so I asked in group therapy one day why I was asked for detailed information when the information was not related to why I was admitted and it was distressing to talk about it. The group leader said it was inappropriate and I should not have to discuss it. I at least felt validated by the group T but I still was left dealing with memories I had shoved far away.

[possum220]

I am so sorry you were subject to that depth of scrutiny. In real life and even in here you don't have to share anything that you are not comfortable with. Some people, in the real world, depending on their role may be asking for research or study purposes etc. Unless it is your personal doctor or therapist (and even then you may not be ready) you are always allowed to say I am not comfortable sharing that. Protect yourself.

When I was in a clinic and medical students were asking to speak to patients, those people were given the option of saying no. Some of the patients were just out of bounds. I have learned to tell some people that if they want that information they will need to discuss it with my psychiatrist. You don't need to be retraumatized just because they happen to be 'interested' in your life. I wonder how quickly they would scuttle away if you started asking personal questions about them.

When the time for healing comes you will safe with that T or P'doc. (Maybe scared) But you will feel safe.

I learned very quickly to just answer what I was comfortable answering. I didn't find they pushed for answers too terribly hard. I suspect they are pretty used to hearing no for an answer. As far as nursing students went, they would ask to talk to me, and I just said no. Again, it wasn't a problem at all.

[spemat]

what I hate is telling them something and having them write something else down and I end up looking like a liar... that is why I am glad I have a psych nurse practitioner now who does everything. I hated those LICSW therapists smiling in my face and saying I am doing SO GOOD and then running to my doctor and accusing me of being manic.

[SnakeCharmer]

Dear Thick, I am so sorry you had such an upsetting experience. One thing I would like you to remember: You are not on the cover of a tabloid. You really can look people in the face. Your life story has not been broadcast all over the place. People cannot look at you and know any of the things you don't want them to know.

I have PTSD. Well ... just a little now, because I've been working on it. I was a victim in a crime that made national headlines. The tabloids did find me and chased me down. Everyone who watched news or read the paper or tabloids knew what happened. False speculation followed me everywhere.

It took me a while to hold my head up high. To say, "Eff 'em if they don't like it." As soon as I held my head up, looked people in the eye, and even smiled at them, they were the ones who started looking down at the ground.

What I went through was terrible. But I am not a terrible person. The people who chased me for stories were not terrible people, just insensitive. The people who pried and poked at your psyche in the hospital were not terrible people, just insensitive to what you really needed.

When I decided to forgive people for acting like A..holes toward me, I started getting better. It took me at least two years to work through letting go of my anger and fear and the feeling that everyone could look right inside me and see my pain. They couldn't. That's one of the biggest problems. People are really blind about what others are suffering and that's one of the main reasons they stumble around acting insensitive.

The terrible thing that happened to me took a big chunk of my life. I decided to not give it anymore of my life by hanging onto my rage and fear and shame. That kept me prisoner. Letting go of it freed me. So, eff the insensitive psyche ward workers. Don't give them any more of your life. Eff 'em and forgive them for acting like clods. Then hold your head high and remember that even though terrible things happened in your life, you are not a terrible person. You have the right to get better and feel better. It begins when you decide to hold your head up. Take a deep breath and try it. It'll take practice, but slowly it will feel okay to accept yourself and to forgive those who did not understand your pain.

You will be in my prayers.

[spondiferous]

I'm so sorry this happened to you. The last time I went to the hospital was something very similar to this. I have gotten to a point where I have no problem detailing my entire history. But what I find is that now that people take my diagnosis of borderline (it is one of the many i have been given) seriously, that is all they see...even though I have fully recovered and borderline is no longer an issue. So it's like they taunt me with what I tell them about myself, and the only reason I am saying anything at all is to "get attention". Since last September, my last trip to the hospital, I have been trying to recover from a devastating and horribly invasive experience at the hands of the so-called mental health professionals.

The majority of them, for whatever reason, have no sensitivity training. It would also appear that the majority of them don't know much about consent, or how to obtain it prior to go poking and digging about. Not to mention that a great number of mental health professionals seem, for some reason, to not have any personal experience with mental or emotional trauma, and so they have no idea the kinds of trauma they are causing and don't seem to give much thought to how a person is going to pick up the pieces after the wounds are reopened.

[glok]

Hello, thickntired. Getting better is hard. I hope something good comes from your experience.

[thickntired]

Oh my gosh! This feedback is helpful but it's tragic that we all had to deal with this insensitive behavior. My heart goes out to everyone here who was dragged through the system. I think this is more common with female patients. It makes me furious that we have stooped to the point where WE have to defend ourselves. When the doctors don't bother to "First Do No Harm" it's a free for all to staff members. I actually met a woman in this ward who was told to strip, cough and squat in front of a female and MALE staff member. I do not think that is legal in ANY situation. Prisons, jails and state institutions would be shut down for that misconduct. The really sad thing was this woman was, like me, just desperate for help at any cost.
I am so proud of you all for learning to stand up for your right to have your voice heard. This gives me so much inspiration and less anxiety about what to do next time I run into this dehumanization.

Hugs to us all and shame on these workers for their ugly and heartless actions.

Tnt

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[little_bear]

I was dragged out of bed at 3 in the morning by these "Project Response" people who my mother called (she doesn't live with me by the way) and taken to the ER. At the hospital, this creepy mental health worker wouldn't let me sleep. She kept asking me questions and I wouldn't answer her. Then the MHW yells "She won't even look at me!" and then she put me in lock up. Mentally ill people have no civil rights.

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[MotownJohnny]

I think the MH industry needs to stop treating patients like prisoners. I know that is how I felt after my first meeting with a psychiatrist. I went in looking for compassion and understanding, I walked out an hour later feeling like I was some kind of criminal. And my experience was "trivial" compared to yours. I don't want to even begin to think about what inpatient is like.

I can see the need for reasonable physical control of violent patients. Anyone else should never be subjected to physical control against their consent. If you are suicidal and WANT to be restrained for your own safety, I say fine.

But, even worse, there is no respect for personal dignity in the MH system. It's like, "OK, you're crazy, so who cares about your feelings."

I personally found my experience as traumatic as anything my father did to me in 18 years of childhood. And he did a lot to me, I have very bad memories of my upbringing.

IF stigma is such an issue, why does the MH profession itself engage in such stigmatizing practices.

[winter4me]

Originally Posted by thickntired

I've always heard the adage, our secrets keep us sick. I don't buy that anymore when it comes to my treatment. At my last stay in the psych ward I was terrified that I was losing my mind. As most patients, I was in an extremely vulnerable situation. For 5 days I was grilled on everything from when I lost my virginity, a list of all drugs I've used, and the worst - ptsd from childhood.

I swear to God about 12 people subjected me to detailed scrutiny. Social workers, nurses, therapists, numerous pdocs, primary care doctors, and best of all a pair of young somethings. I was never told if they were students, interns, or college kids doing there required psych 101 studies. I'll just refer to them as tweedle dee and tweedle dum.

I was way worse after discharge. In the past I've been stabilized with meds and come to a point where I'm not suicidal or homicidal. ( I've never been homicidal until spending 5 days with the cheerful, peppy and intrigued random mental health whatever) I wanted to punch most of them in the face and I'm not a violent person.

So, since my release in March I feel violated. Every time I divulged into the twisted senerios it was akin to being raped. When I cried I was given visyral aka benadryl or a journal to "write about my feelings."

That was the first time I've been straight up honest and forthcoming with all of my life. Yeah, big mistake. Now, I have so much shame, hopelessness, anger and regret. Who knows where all those people keep the notes of questions, diagnosis and speculation. I have no idea where they work or any accredidations. Maybe I'm patient X a dehumanized case study. Usually I'm able to better research or judge psych employees and know if they're straight up incompetent. But I was so desperate for help from anyone.

I feel like I'm on the cover of an awful tabloids full of unflattering photos, brutal opinions and speculation. It is now hard to make eye contact, I've left AA, I keep my mouth shut and downplay illness.

I don't think I will ever trust anyone with what goes on in my head.
Except here, thank God for this we site.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using Tapatalk

I am so sorry. I hope you share this, even if you do it anonymously with the "Treatment Team" who were Supposed to be helping you. This became a traumatic experience for you...I really am so sorry...I do think the system is broken...

[thickntired]

Originally Posted by little_bear

I was dragged out of bed at 3 in the morning by these "Project Response" people who my mother called (she doesn't live with me by the way) and taken to the ER. At the hospital, this creepy mental health worker wouldn't let me sleep. She kept asking me questions and I wouldn't answer her. Then the MHW yells "She won't even look at me!" and then she put me in lock up. Mentally ill people have no civil rights.

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My heart goes out to you, Little Bear. I would like to get my hands on those sadistic, sad excuses for employees. I hope you are able to find a decent mental health worker, and in time heal enough to be able to open up and start healing.

[bigblackdog]

Originally Posted by spondiferous

. Not to mention that a great number of mental health professionals seem, for some reason, to not have any personal experience with mental or emotional trauma, and so they have no idea the kinds of trauma they are causing and don't seem to give much thought to how a person is going to pick up the pieces after the wounds are reopened.

More of them than you know do have personal experience with mental illness. My therapist does regular sessions with a colleague just to be able to manage hearing all the things he hears and he offers the same to others as a professional courtesy. It's the wounded healer archetype.

Many people with MH issues enter the field because of their own struggles. 1 in 10 Americans develop MH issues in any year....and that means that 1 in 10 MH pros do too.

Touching someone's trauma just happens in the course of trying to heal and help someone. Doesn't feel good. Recently had an appt with DH and Pdoc and between them I think they hit every single trigger I have. I was also meds unstable at the time, so it did not take much.

[thickntired]

Originally Posted by MotownJohnny

I think the MH industry needs to stop treating patients like prisoners. I know that is how I felt after my first meeting with a psychiatrist. I went in looking for compassion and understanding, I walked out an hour later feeling like I was some kind of criminal. And my experience was "trivial" compared to yours. I don't want to even begin to think about what inpatient is like.

I can see the need for reasonable physical control of violent patients. Anyone else should never be subjected to physical control against their consent. If you are suicidal and WANT to be restrained for your own safety, I say fine.

But, even worse, there is no respect for personal dignity in the MH system. It's like, "OK, you're crazy, so who cares about your feelings."

I personally found my experience as traumatic as anything my father did to me in 18 years of childhood. And he did a lot to me, I have very bad memories of my upbringing.

IF stigma is such an issue, why does the MH profession itself engage in such stigmatizing practices.

I am so sorry you have been treated like a prisoner And please don't in anyway call your experience "trivial" compared to mine!! We are all at different levels of vulnerability and desperation for help. No one has a trivial experience when the people who are supposed to help do more damage. I had no where near the experience of dealing with an abusive parent.

My background includes addiction, but I was totally prepared for that stigma. With addiction the US incarcerates while the rest of the world rehabilitates.

My biggest fear in life is 4 point restraints. As a survivor of sexual abuse I never want to be held down without my consent.

[little_bear]

I have had mental health workers make passes at me. One MHW tried to kiss me when my husband was in the waiting room. I told him I loved my husband, and he backed off. I think a lot of people have this idea that mentally ill women are all horny sluts with no morals. That is so not true. I actually think a lot of MHWs are sadistic people. A lot of them are mentally ill thenselves, and they are on a power trip. It is really sick. As a woman, I get treated so badly sometimes that I wonder what century we are living in.

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[thickntired]

Originally Posted by little_bear

I have had mental health workers make passes at me. One MHW tried to kiss me when my husband was in the waiting room. I told him I loved my husband, and he backed off. I think a lot of people have this idea that mentally ill women are all horny sluts with no morals. That is so not true. I actually think a lot of MHWs are sadistic people. A lot of them are mentally ill thenselves, and they are on a power trip. It is really sick. As a woman, I get treated so badly sometimes that I wonder what century we are living in.

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I had a sexual relationship with my drug and alcohol counselor in rehab. When I was a minor our Christian Youth leader hit on me. In both cases I doubt my word would hold clout. I think that is the way predators feel about mentally ill patients.

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Originally Posted by thickntired

I've always heard the adage, our secrets keep us sick. I don't buy that anymore when it comes to my treatment. At my last stay in the psych ward I was terrified that I was losing my mind. As most patients, I was in an extremely vulnerable situation. For 5 days I was grilled on everything from when I lost my virginity, a list of all drugs I've used, and the worst - ptsd from childhood.

I swear to God about 12 people subjected me to detailed scrutiny. Social workers, nurses, therapists, numerous pdocs, primary care doctors, and best of all a pair of young somethings. I was never told if they were students, interns, or college kids doing there required psych 101 studies. I'll just refer to them as tweedle dee and tweedle dum.

I was way worse after discharge. In the past I've been stabilized with meds and come to a point where I'm not suicidal or homicidal. ( I've never been homicidal until spending 5 days with the cheerful, peppy and intrigued random mental health whatever) I wanted to punch most of them in the face and I'm not a violent person.

So, since my release in March I feel violated. Every time I divulged into the twisted senerios it was akin to being raped. When I cried I was given visyral aka benadryl or a journal to "write about my feelings."

That was the first time I've been straight up honest and forthcoming with all of my life. Yeah, big mistake. Now, I have so much shame, hopelessness, anger and regret. Who knows where all those people keep the notes of questions, diagnosis and speculation. I have no idea where they work or any accredidations. Maybe I'm patient X a dehumanized case study. Usually I'm able to better research or judge psych employees and know if they're straight up incompetent. But I was so desperate for help from anyone.

I feel like I'm on the cover of an awful tabloids full of unflattering photos, brutal opinions and speculation. It is now hard to make eye contact, I've left AA, I keep my mouth shut and downplay illness.

I don't think I will ever trust anyone with what goes on in my head.
Except here, thank God for this we site.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using Tapatalk

I am sorry you went threw this, I am going threw some thing similar but different where some people read my files that they had no permission to look at, They had no right what so ever, They violated my rights they violated myself as a person and I also dont trust any more, There were only 2 people that had permission to read my files and these other people did not, I also agree with you when it comes to our child hood things in our past, If we dont want to talk about it we should not have to, When we are ready to do so we will, I am sorry you went threw this and I hope you find a decent trusting therapist and make sure to not sign any thing with out them explaining any thing to you, Good luck

[thickntired]

Thank you, Rain cloud. My therapist put in an order for a new pdoc so I got lucky. Who is reading your file? That has always been an issue with me. Like a receptionist gives a damn about hippa laws and won't tell family or whatever. And now all the dentist offices want all mental background. I lie on their forms. I've been told it's for drug interactions, but I prefer to take my chances than list thorazine which I'm taking PRN. A friend was I'm the hospital after she hurt her back. She overhead the nurses discuss her meds in the hallway. My medical Dr is an *** and goes through employees like clock work. So, a lot of people have read all my diagnosis.

Big Hugs♡♡♡

[featherwillow]

I thought my state was the only place that acted this way toward people who have to go to inpatient. Except, my state has something called the "baker act" where you are brought to the attention of a social worker, mental health facility, or the police if you are "in danger of hurting yourself or others, or are not mentally stable enough to preform daily tasks" you are baker acted. Of course they ask your consent, but saying no automatically gets you baker acted because that means your "incompetent of making the right choice". It's ridiculous. This stuff needs to be brought to the attention of everyone, especially those who have mental illness or know someone who does. People get harassed and dehumanized in places like these. I went there multiple times, because my mom couldn't deal with me, and they take away all your belongings, except for personal hygiene items, which go in a locker where the staff has the keys, and you have to go to sleep, wake up, and eat at specific times. You get like one 10 minute phone call a day, and visitors at certain times. You legally have to be released out of baker act after 72 hours, but I was there for a week because the doctor was mean, cold, and apathetic, and probably told my parents I had to stay (they NEVER question a doctor or anyone by any means) and she released information to them that I did not authorize, though I was supposed to be protected by the HIPAA act. All I did when I was there was cry. I hated it. It made me more fearful than I was before, and more sad. When you were not eating, sleeping, or forced to do short pointless group sessions, there was literally NOTHING to do. At all.
And you know, a lot of kids, like minors under the age of 18, end up in these places without their parents knowing until they have to call the police and ask where their child is.
If anyone thinks these type of institutions are for "healing"...you probably don't anymore. Don't get me wrong, there may be SOME good places out there...I just don't know about them. So believe me, I know you where you come from! This crap happens more often than people realize and should be stopped...it's cruel in my opinion. We shouldn't have to subject to physiological pain that just adds to the problem. I'm very sorry you had to put up with that place. Ones like those are downright awful.

[LornaMorello]

Wow darling, I am so sorry you were subjected to that!
I've had somewhere around 6 psych stays and I've never been plied by that many people! That hospital needs to be investigated by the proper authorities! Especially because it was completely out-of-bounds for them to have people asking you questions in the first place without stating their names and positions at the hospital.

I hope you are healing well from this experience and I am sending all the <3 in the world your way. I also hope you have a better psychiatrist than whichever one you encountered at the psych ward who will prescribed you something better than placeabo-esque Vistaril!

Best of luck darling, message me if you ever so need

[little_bear]

Tea&Sympathy I so sorry dear 💞. I know what you mean. I had this creepy MH orderly come into my room univited and lear at me in this totally creepy predatory manor. I told him if he touched me my husband would kill him. He got really angry, and told the head nurse. She was a sadistic b*****. She came in and yelled at me about agressive people ending up in the state hospital. I had been hospitalized because I was a victim of domestic violence, and I couldn't sleep and I started hallucinating. I'm not married to that guy anymore, but the threat worked.

[splitimage]

I'm sorry that you had such a bad experience, but not all mental health professionals are bad.

I've been IP in a psych hospital 3 times, for a minimum of a month each time, as well as doing a 3 week intensive out patient program. In all my experiences, I've only met one truly bad Dr. and that was in the IOP program, she basically told me she couldn't help me because I was "just an addict" Needless to say we didn't develop a great therapeutic rapport.

But my psych hospital is great. I think it's because it's a dedicated psych and addictions hospital and is a teaching hospital. Working there is considered kind of the cream of psych jobs, so everyone I've interacted with has been amazing. They also have a really strong patient's advocacy body, and an advisory committee that includes patients. I'm on it, and they do take us and our recommendations very seriously.

So don't dismiss all mental health professionals just because of some bad apples.

splitimage

[glok]

I have had help from people I greatly appreciated. An article that was rather shocking:

Why Shrinks Have Problems | Psychology Today

[Achy Turtle Armor]

Some of these stories sound more like nightmares! I have never had a bad experience when I've gone IP at my local hospital, lost count of how many times. I did have one bad experience at the emergency room once. I had SIed and the doctor on duty knew nothing about SI so she tried to Baker Act me after I got my stitches. This meant that I had to ride in the police car to a psych place where luckily they understood what was going on with me. I was released to my old T at the time so I was only there 10 hours. They did strip search me there which was humiliating.

There was this other time that I'm not too fond of either. I got kicked out of Menninger psych hospital in Houston because I took an overdose there. The local hospitals psych ward was pretty scary compared to the local one here in just that it was really cold. Heavy steel doors on each room with only a tiny window to look out. Thankfully I wasn't there too many days. My parents and my Pdoc back home convinced Menninger to give me another chance.