[Sabrina]

I'd would like to read everyone's feelings and / or opinions on why we sometimes lack willpower. I know there are many different dynamics to this topic, but I am wondering what happens to us when we KNOW that we should not do something, yet we do anyway.

Our minds are so powerful and if they are powerful enough to tell us right from wrong, good from bad, should vs don't, then why aren't our minds powerful enough to resist temptation? (Some of the time of course. I realize that is a rather sweeping statement).

Can we brainstorm on this?

[jlove973]

Sabrina~Thanks for this Topic I can really use help in these area's as well. I lack both Willpower and Motivation 0%

[Sabrina]

Oh yes, motivation! I forgot about that for a moment (and they go hand in hand so much of the time).

[SeptemberMorn]

My thoughts and my thoughts only: !!

First thing I noticed in your statement was the word "should." My T taught me that when you use that word, you are being your own critical parent. A better word to use is "NEED."

we KNOW that we should not do something Better phrased "we KNOW we NEED not do something." It takes all the sting out and it becomes more self-caring and personal for us.

Willpower = motivation = self-esteem. There are a lot of things I do or things I won't/don't do for myself because of my lack of self-esteem and fear of the unknown. The fear of the personal unknown is new to me. I didn't use to be this way. I hate it but I don't know what to do about it.

[Sabrina]

Wanna be my T Tomi? You hit more than one nail on the head!

I AM so critical of myself and I had not looked at it that way! And the more I criticize, the more I seem to set myself up for "failure".

I am very intrigued about what you said about "should" and "need'. I am going to spend more personal time studying that angle.

Thank you so much!

[biiv]

[froggie2]

I learned that too. Septie. Throw out the should. But wouldn't it be nice to buy willpower. I need a dose.

[Peanuts]

I think that willpower or lack of is related to how important whatever behavior might be to the individual person. For example, I like chocolate... no, I LOVE chocolate. Eating a chocolate makes me feel wonderful. I get a nice warm sensation while a chunk of milk chocolate slowly melts in my mouth .. yum. But, I need to stop reaching for a chocolate everytime I want to feel warm and wonderful because there are too many calories. So I think that, for me, my willpower is weak or non-existent because ... the chocolate is fulfilling a need and I don't have a replacement. So not eating a chocolate when I want a lift is too hard - no will power.

I would probably be more helpful for me to find an alternative activity instead of chocolate. yup, I'll probably do that one of these days ... which leads right into procrastination .. ha ha

peanuts

[Wants2Fly]

I think we lack "will power" for complicated reasons.

One reason may be that we need the comfort or pleasure of immediate gratification, versus delaying gratification to achieve a long-term goal.

The reasons we need the immediate gratification are the complicated part, I think, that can take unspooling all the complexities of each person's identity.

[SeptemberMorn]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
we need the comfort or pleasure of immediate gratification, versus delaying gratification

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OUCH! Oh, yeah! That's the one!

[Sabrina]

Thank you everyone. You have all given me something to work on!

I was also thinking about reasoning. I think our minds "reason" with us all the time. We do something we *needn't* because our reasoning is that we like it and want it (or want to). The strongest reason always wins and I am trying to enforce stronger reasoning so that when I feel I am lacking willpower I can turn to the stronger reason vs the immediate reason.

If any of that made sense ......

[SeptemberMorn]

It makes total sense! Only thing is, it doesn't work for me. My weaker Self always... or almost always gives in.

[Sabrina]

Yes, that is exactly what keeps happening to me.

I have been concentrating on "needn't" vs "shouldn't" and it really is an eye opener, even if I am still lacking that willpower.

Your post really helped me. Thank you!

[darkeyes]

Wants, that is a perfect reason or should I say best describes me. I haven't been able to pinpoint why I have lost motivation, and what you said makes a lot of sense.
Cleaning and weight loss has been 2 things I just can't get back to, yet helping clean someone else's place or the infirmery at the wildlife center, I'm fanatical, and now I think it was that others appreciated my effort, and being praised for a good job done, makes me feel appreciated.
In my home, forget it, I once borderlined OCD, and now I've deteriorated a lot, but then hubby has become so lazy, I have no co-operation, but my son is good and helps.
I wonder my husband and I's immense weight gains are causing this? Seems when I was thinner I was more inclined,not super energy but a lot more than now, 5yrs after our job relo.
Soooooooo, 2 areas that may go hand in hand,weight gain and no house keeping motivation,possibly the weight gain,less exercise is promoting the lethargy and messy home, eh?
Like a parasitic disease feeding off any willpower I have left.
One "atta girl", it's going on 2yrs since I had a cigarette.

Thanks for helping me pinpoint a possible core reason I'm in this rutt. Gratification, and appreciation can help lead one to motivation.
Somebody, please give me a push to get started.
Maybe I need a personal trainer and life coach. LOL!!

(((((((((((( y'all )))))))))))

[Sabrina]

One of the areas where I lack willpower (and there are many) is in my office. I get my work done but sometimes I have to force myself to get going. It isn't a problem of not being able to concentrate but rather one of not being motivated and having no willpower whatsoever to just knuckle down and get stuck in.

I am wondering now if that is because I feel my work goes unnoticed. (I'm the admin half of my husband's business). I wonder if I would have a bit more motivation if "job well done" was said to me from time to time. Or even just thank you. Naturally, if I felt motivated I guess I wouldn't be needing willpower to work.

Gosh, this is all so complicated!