Catch 22

I have been battling with depression off and on for much of my life. Back in July I felt so overwhelmed by it that I quit my job to try to spend time balancing myself. Instead, for the last 2 months I have hardly left my house, and I barely talk to anyone.... I feel like I dove even deeper into the abyss, and now I have no motivation or drive to get another job. I know it's necessary in order to move forward (in any direction). It just seems, lately.... I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't.

I feel... Like I don't really know what to do with myself anymore.

It is a catch 22. Not working gives us more time to isolate and hole up. I had a pdoc tell me when I was in suicidal crisis to get my *** back to work, that my co workers were counting on me. I understand his reasoning but it was not helpful and I could not return to work. Maybe there are less overwhelming things you can do (small things) to get going in the right direction. And focus on positive steps around treatment that may break the cycle.

Thank you, pretty much everyone has told me that I will feel better if I go back to work... I'm not even sure I'm capable of concentrating enough to attempt to look for a new job, yet alone begin interviewing for one. :/ I feel like this giant black hole is just sucking me in. All I know is it's not getting any better the way it is, I guess I have to find a way to get motivated