Not sure if this is the right place but I have a random question.

I have a friend lets just call her M. Now I love this person and she's been there for me a lot but every time I talk to her or look to her for support the only thing I get is "I know" or "I know exactly how you feel". She does this with everything if I break my arm she knows what pain I'm going thru because her brother broke his toe. That's how any conversation I have with her goes, it's almost like I shouldn't complain because she has it worse even when the example of how she knows makes no sense or is in no way the same. She also always has to be right, to the point where she will lie about what happened to make herself the victim. I'm just wondering if this is a disorder of any kind. I know I'm in no position to diagnose or throw a stone just trying to understand her point of view.

having to be the center of attention is the criteria of some diagnoses. but you need to meet more than on criteria to recieve a diagnosis. but i would re evaluate the accuracy of your first statement about her being a friend who is always there for you to listen. it sounds like she is a person who is always there to one up you. it doesnt sound like she is being there for you at all, she doesnt seem to be listening to you at all, and doesnt seem like much of a friend. friends listen to you, they care about your feelings, they talk about your needs. what type of friend is she? i am sure you have only described part of her.

Thank you for your feed back, I know everyone has there story and I don't like to judge. M and I recently had a big falling out and for reasons I really don't want to get into we need to get along on some level so I'm just trying to figure out how. It's been over 20 year of this. She also tends to make "outsiders" the bad guy (my husband for example) she makes snap judgements and doesn't like people. She's extreamly rasict, she hardly leaves her house. She also always talks about loyalty, she sees me getting along with my inlaws as disloyal to her because I have complained about them (no one gets along 100% with their inlaws that's just life) I'm rambling now and I know you are just gonna say be done with her but I promise you this is complicated and I really do have to keep her in my life, even just at arms reach and occasionally. Thank you so much for your feed back.

Have you tried to redirect her claims back on her? For example, if you were to tell her that your broken arm hurts and she says she understands because UnrelatedXYZ happened to her, try asking her to explain exactly how she could understand JUST because something happened to her. It's easy to make a claim like that, but not so easy to back it up, and making her explain herself when she doesn't make sense might make her consider what she's saying to other people a little bit more.

As for being racist and making everyone else the bad guy, there could be a lot of explanations. There's no excuse for racist, even casual racism, but some people will not change. Again, redirection and turning her words back to her and making her explain them could help this. I had a "friend" (an acquaintance, maybe met him twice) some time ago who was telling a racist joke in a group of people (something about a family tree and hanging) and when he told the punch like, I just looked at him and said, "I don't get it." He was surprised and said, "What don't you get?" I made him tell the joke again to me slowly and I acted super confused the whole time, even though I definitely got it. I asked him to explain exactly why it was funny, and once he got half way through his sentence ("Because, black people were.. lynched.. and.. hung...") he slowed down and got really embarrassed because he realized that he was being especially horrible and not funny.

It may or may not work in every situation, but I find that people with annoying habits like these don't tend to pick up on their own idiosyncrasies until they see them in other people. All it usually takes is calling someone out on being an unreasonable jerk to make them stop. Good luck!

There are people like that. You should really talk to her and tell her what's wrong with her. Maybe she doesn't know that shes doing that, maybe she doesn't recognize it, like she thinks that shes doing the right thing. Talk to her.

Thank you for your feed back. I will try having her explain to me how it's the same,mi don't know if it will work she is older than I am so normally she will tell me I'm young and don't know. Lol I know right. I am trying to be more honest with her when she does stuff like this, because of our falling out sometimes I worry she thinks I'm piling on but I'm not. Thank you both for your feed back, this site has really been a god send.