I'm feeling pressure to go to my Mom's gathering to celebrate her 70th birthday.
I don't want to see the family. I cannot deal with these people. I'm feeling good about myself, I'm hardly wearing my black cap anymore, I quit smoking, I'm exercising, I'm caring about myself, I'm reasonably happy with me and my life-even with it's flaws.
I KNOW if I go then I'm going to end up feeling like crap. It's a given. I'm the only one who lives in a crappy neighborhood, the only one who doesn't have kids, never been married, they're all older and bigger than me-I don't just mean chunkier but also-BIGGER- taller and broad shouldered. (My sisters) It bugs me because they like to throw their weight around and they're so loud. And everyone's got to be on "stage" and nothing is real or personal or sincere. It's like Hollywood without the glamour. It's all drama and everyone's got to out "Poor me" the next one. And there's all this backstabbing going on with everyone-especially with my oldest sister, Mom's FAVORITE daughter and of coarse, Mom's right there with her snickering away and it bugs the crap out of me. Um, we're supposed to be a FAMILY! You know, like love and support and stuff like that, Mom?
Besides that, my Mom always brings up the most inappropriate things to talk about. If it was just "Us Kids" it wouldn't be so bad but the husbands and wife are there and my oldest sister's side kick-our cousin. He irks me too. He's loud and nasty and mean. So prejudice and hateful but in a funny way so that makes it okay!!! It's okay to do or say anything as long as you do/say it and it's funny. Hahahahahahahahaha! My Mom gets on my freakin' nerves with this ha-ha-ha, smile even when it hurts bullcrap!!
I'm not even there and I'm already getting tensed up, angry and upset.
BUT my Mom is old and sick and could die and I would feel guilt over not going.
Help!!!!

[(JD)]

Well, why continue the charade of family at your own expense? Is this a long trip? Can you call and ask your Mom if it's ok that you don't come right now, and go later (when the rest of the family isn't around?)

At my mom's 80th birthday/family reunion, a few relatives didn't show...and one group drove ten hours, ate dinner and drove back. So? You won't feel guilt over not seeing the others... and if you find another way to keep in touch with your mom, you won't have to even consider guilt when she passes.

I vote don't go. You aren't going to feel good about it either way imo, so why put your physical health at risk by going? Make the call asap and end this terror inside. Then get to work on how you can remedy wanting to see your mom but not feeling her jabs.

visit her on another day and take a card and gift. please don't subject yourself to all of that "family love"........we all know that we can hope and pray for things to change.......but rarely does it happen..........good luck, pat

The both of you have said what I've been thinking about. That's interesting. Maybe all I needed was to hear it from somebody else.
Thank you Fay and Sky. (((((((Fay)))))))))) ((((((((Sky)))))

Look at what my horoscope says today:
Capricorn

Daily extended (by Astrology.com)
Just as you'd peel an avocado or scrape a sticky price tag off a new vase, today you have to work to get rid of some undesirable things in your life. Toss out what isn't needed, what doesn't feel right and what isn't flattering. This could include something as simple as a pair of old shoes or as complicated as a romantic partner who just doesn't have his or her heart in your relationship. Kick it to the curb and walk away -- without looking back!

I thought it was a funny coincidence. Or WAS IT? Hmmmmm...

sounds good to me. love, pat

[(JD)]

I don't believe in coincidences and use pretty much everything as though there's a reason (though sometimes, it just is )

[Soidhonia]

Hello Jax.
I am sorry you are getting stressed about this party. Would it be so wrong to just see your mother sooner and take the present and spend some time alone with your mother possibly take some take out and enjoy the day with your mother. And then when someone asks why you didnt celebrate your mothers birthday, tell them you are starting to enjoy the rest of the time your mother has left when she has a birthday by enjoying time alone with your mother. Then having to get stressed will be replaced by something you will ejoy reliving after your mother is no longer available to have time alone with in the future. Take care I hope the best for you. Soidhonia

[January]

((((((((((( Jax ))))))))))

If it's not healthy for you, don't go. Your first job is to keep yourself in that healthy place that you have so wonderfully attained. I'm so proud of you for getting to that place.

Hugs,

Jan

Hi everyone,
(((((((soidhonia))))))))) (((((((((January))))))))))
I think going to see Mom on a different day without the drama club would be best. Thank you very much for your input. I thought I was being horrible but it seems pretty much unanimous that I should skip the party and go on another day.
I really appreciate this. I'm feeling sooo much better.

[SeptemberMorn]

Jax, I'm with everybody else! Go some other time! You don't need the "drama club".

[Wants2Fly]

So glad you honored your inner truth and feel good for doing it.