[ForeverLonelyGirl]

Maybe there is some formula that I am unaware of or my posts are too long and detailed. When I post about a situation that I am having trouble with, I do try to explain it thoroughly. Maybe I give too much information. Whatever the case, usually I get one or two replies. I appreciate any replies I do get, don't get me wrong. Possibly I am expecting or hoping for too much. So the problem remains.

There do seem to be people here that are relatively mentally and healthy and are very helpful to folks in bad situations like myself. I cannot fault anyone for not coming to my aid quite enough when I do not feel that I am helpful at all to anyone here. I have nothing left to give anymore. Plus everything has become so PC, that you have to really be careful what you say to who. I'm sorry that I cannot help anyone here, it is in my nature to help but I guess I am all shot out, done.

Most posts suggest to see a therapist. I agree that therapy would be a great idea for me and others, it is just NOT feasible for me right now. Plus I feel all "over therapized", that is not a word but you get my meaning. After 15 or so years of therapy, it all seems repetitious. When you get this cynical and jaded, I am not sure that you can be helped.

The moral of the story is that I just want to figure out how I can best help myself on this site by making my posts more amenable and easy to answer. A lot of life's questions do not have easy answers, I do get that. Any thoughts?

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by ForeverLonelyGirl

Maybe there is some formula that I am unaware of or my posts are too long and detailed. When I post about a situation that I am having trouble with, I do try to explain it thoroughly. Maybe I give too much information. Whatever the case, usually I get one or two replies. I appreciate any replies I do get, don't get me wrong. Possibly I am expecting or hoping for too much. So the problem remains.

There do seem to be people here that are relatively mentally and healthy and are very helpful to folks in bad situations like myself. I cannot fault anyone for not coming to my aid quite enough when I do not feel that I am helpful at all to anyone here. I have nothing left to give anymore. Plus everything has become so PC, that you have to really be careful what you say to who. I'm sorry that I cannot help anyone here, it is in my nature to help but I guess I am all shot out, done.

Most posts suggest to see a therapist. I agree that therapy would be a great idea for me and others, it is just NOT feasible for me right now. Plus I feel all "over therapized", that is not a word but you get my meaning. After 15 or so years of therapy, it all seems repetitious. When you get this cynical and jaded, I am not sure that you can be helped.

The moral of the story is that I just want to figure out how I can best help myself on this site by making my posts more amenable and easy to answer. A lot of life's questions do not have easy answers, I do get that. Any thoughts?

getting the best kind of help online usually means looking at what kind of help you want to receive. online help is usually very limitted anywhere you go on the internet, mostly its limited to people reading each others posts, letting each other know whether they have the same problem as the poster and sometimes making suggestions.

Online help isnt supposed to take the place of seeing treatment providers off line which is probably why you see a majority of postings that say to talk with a therapist.

I usually include talking with the posters own treatment providers or a treatment provider in their off line location because what I post might not be the right thing for what ever treatment plans they may already be on. I can make suggestions but ultimately we all must follow our own treatment providers and own treatment plans set by our own treatment providers. otherwise we would end up leading someone to their death or other harmful advice.

[Fabulous]

Stay open to things, no one is perfectly together and sane in this world.

i honestly advise to keep doing what you are doing

i guess it all depends on the situation eventually to what replies you get.

if someone's going through something like you describe, then they can offer really good advice and suggestions.

but if not, we reply anyway because no one should be made to feel alone- and comments like you need therapy, are only pointers. it might get boring hearing the same thing again and again, but therapy is a good starting point.

i'm sorry you feel you're not helping. please stick around because we'd miss you here and worry about you if you left

[BeaFlower]

Hi. Personally, I have to admit that sometimes I skip long posts, since English isn't my language and for me it's difficult to read (and understand well) long posts Or sometimes I don't answer a post that I've seen because I really don't know what to add to what has already been written. I hope that you receive more replies in future. If I happen to read one of your posts and I have advices, I'll surely do what I can to help

[avlady]

yes me too i tend to skip over long posts because i have a comprehension problem, but i do read most anyway. i usually read them and if i dont answer them its because someone else has said what i would have said. i only wish i could help people more, i speak about my situations that i can relate to too, and more. i hope you have a great day and some more responces.

[A Red Panda]

People frequently advise to talk to a therapist or doctor because they have no way to know if you've posted more than one thread unless they know you.

I took a look at your list of threads so I am going to point out some observaions I made.

Out of the ones that are mental-health related (and within the past like month) you do get replies to your threads. A lot of the threads die off without having you as the last post - which means that you were the person who did not reply.

Some of your threads were more just rants where you didn't ask for much of anything.

I'm not really sure what else you are wanting from people. Threads that are huge and multiple pages long are often about a topic and not about a poster.

If you are wanting more of a feeling of friendship on the site I would suggest posting on other people's threads - people are typically more likely to engage in something if they know the other person, or know that the other person is quite supportive of others too.You don't even have to have suggestions for people - a lot of threads are just in need of some support. That doesn't mean to spam random threads, but it doesn't take too much effort to find a sentence to say to wish someone well.

Like... I'll use myself as an example. I'm the absolute most likely to read and post thoughtful replies on threads started by users who don't post very many threads but I recognize as being supportive and empathetic to others. If I see that they've posted a thread, I read it. Then there are others who I see commenting a lot but also actively make their own threads. Then I read threads which have titles that catch my eye - either because I think I can help/relate, or because it annoys me (that one I am not likely to respond to!). I almost certainly skip threads where I see that one person makes a whole bunch of threads about every new thought (to me, personally, well, personally it's a pet peeve!) and doesn't contribute much to the community otherwise.

I'm sorry if any of this sounds harsh, I'm just trying to give you some other perspectives.

[tealBumblebee]

Hi Forever,

Totally random, I noticed that we're from the same state. Back to your post though.

I understand where you are coming from. I will say, that the threads I post go through spells. Sometimes I get a wave of responses, and then, like in my last thread I received one. I don't think there is any special formula, but I do suspect that being wordy can, in fact, deter people because i've seen it deter myself. Because i am guilty of being very wordy, I tend to comb through my posts when i'm done and take out some of the unneeded additives. It's not a guaranteed thing, by far, but just something i've noticed in my own struggle. Also, a catchy thread title is likely the most attractive way to get someone to read your post. All in all though, there is no special formula, magic wand or anything that can promise you a response. I would suggest not to take it personally, if you can. I went through a phase where I was like "I don't think people on pc like me; i'm annoying" and heck, it may be true, but I don't really think it is. I don't think there's as much "I don't like this person so i'm not reading their thread" as one would assume (don't get me wrong, there are some. But usually those people have corresponded and know each other and don't expect it anyway. I haven't seen it in the masses really except in chat.) The only other thing I can offer, likely the most plausible, is that the times you post may be low census times or, in some cases, maybe people can not relate or your topic - I feel like many times this is my case. But when you're feeling low thats not really what you want to hear. Sometimes you need someone to come to your rescue.

I also understand about the not being able to reply/be a help to others. I definitely do when I can but I go through spells, maybe even months, where I just have nothing to say. It happens, not just to me or you but i'm sure to everyone here.

I'm not saying that any of these will guarantee you any better luck than you've been having honestly. But I would encourage you to keep going. Pc can be a very very helpful resource, seemingly, at just the right time. Sometimes the ebb and flow of post/replies get jacked up but nothing in this world is perfect. Feel free to pm me if you like, and try to hold on. I've no doubt the light isn't far away.

[Fuzzybear]

[martamiriam]

Originally Posted by ForeverLonelyGirl

Maybe there is some formula that I am unaware of or my posts are too long and detailed. When I post about a situation that I am having trouble with, I do try to explain it thoroughly. Maybe I give too much information. Whatever the case, usually I get one or two replies. I appreciate any replies I do get, don't get me wrong. Possibly I am expecting or hoping for too much. So the problem remains.

There do seem to be people here that are relatively mentally and healthy and are very helpful to folks in bad situations like myself. I cannot fault anyone for not coming to my aid quite enough when I do not feel that I am helpful at all to anyone here. I have nothing left to give anymore. Plus everything has become so PC, that you have to really be careful what you say to who. I'm sorry that I cannot help anyone here, it is in my nature to help but I guess I am all shot out, done.

Most posts suggest to see a therapist. I agree that therapy would be a great idea for me and others, it is just NOT feasible for me right now. Plus I feel all "over therapized", that is not a word but you get my meaning. After 15 or so years of therapy, it all seems repetitious. When you get this cynical and jaded, I am not sure that you can be helped.

The moral of the story is that I just want to figure out how I can best help myself on this site by making my posts more amenable and easy to answer. A lot of life's questions do not have easy answers, I do get that. Any thoughts?

I agree with that..some people think that it is easy to 86 a paranoid schizophrnic boyfriend like mine for example like I need to respect his boundaries when he is in full blown delusions and hallucinations...right...I don't think that they should be giving advice or trying to help if they don't the details of stuff like that...they are NOT professionals and seem to think that they know better than the psychiatrists and counselors we have seen so you need to be careful about accepting advice from just anyone...just my thoughts..

[ForeverLonelyGirl]

Thanks to all for your comments. Confessional-I do not always write a final reply to all my posts, I guess I should be more mindful to do that and be sure that I thank folks for their replies. I also do post threads that sound more like rants, I do apologize for that.

I guess I am just such a miserable person at times, thankfully not every minute of every day. It is certainly not anyone's fault here on this site and no one here is responsible for my happiness and well being. I do understand the limitations of a support site. Sometimes I just get desperate to be understood and empathized with. I certainly wish this were not the case and I could find some way to be more content with myself and life.

I always take any advice with a grain a salt, would never knowingly go forward with something that would be detrimental to my health.

Apologies, I certainly don't intend to point fingers and blame anyone for my inability to cope.

[mountain human]

I understand your feeling that therapy can get monotonous and you feel "stuck" at a certain point. Social support, I think, can never be understated. Nothing worse for any of us than isolation, alone with our thoughts and no one to be there for us.

[ForeverLonelyGirl]

Yes, that is a lot of the problem. Living alone and no one to converse with. I have days that I do not even speak to a human being. That is really not good, but sometimes I don't want to bother to pick up a phone if I feel too down. No one wants to hear a pathetic tone of voice and attitude. If my sons call, I pretend to be in an OK mood. I am guessing that they have figured that out by now.

Then I have all these thoughts bombarding my brain. My thoughts are not normal at all because of klonopin withdrawal syndrome. I have many intrusive thoughts of awful things. I could list them but they might be alarming to some folks, I know they are to me!

[~Christina]

I think if your more specific in your thread title and state what your wanting/needing.

Ex: Trouble with intrusive thoughts, advice needed.
Feeling very low, support and kind words needed.
Everything is wrong, I need to vent.
Etc.

I think of my threads as I would going to a Therapy session.. No one can walk into a Therapists office and have many many many issues and expect help with "all " of them at once. Usually a Therapist will point out a good starting point... I know actual Therapy isn't possible nor even wanted for you right now. But can you understand what I'm trying to convey?

Everyone has times where we just do not have the energy to support or reply to others. When I am in that place I will hit the "hug" button, Maybe that poster is feeling so bad that just seeing a bunch of hugs will in fact help even just a little bit.

Many times even when I am feeling terrible about my situation , I often focus on the members problem, offer whatever support I can muster. why? It takes me outta my own head for the time it takes to send a quick response of support. Ex: I'm so sorry your feeling so low , I have no really advice as I'm struggling also, but just know I hope your feeling better soon. Yes there are times even that is just too much to do, but just a thought.

I am a firm believer that a person should respond back to people who offer advice whether it helps you or not, it's you acknowledging there time responding to you.

Please don't think I am being mean, I'm just offering advise on how I feel you can get the most help from a site full of people all working on there own struggles too.

I do hope that you are feeling better soon

[A Red Panda]

Originally Posted by ForeverLonelyGirl

Confessional-I do not always write a final reply to all my posts, I guess I should be more mindful to do that and be sure that I thank folks for their replies. I also do post threads that sound more like rants, I do apologize for that.

You don't need to apologize for things you say on this forum, unless like, you were being really horribly mean to someone.

I was just pointing out observations as to why you might not get "more" replies than you do - most conversations die off when the OP stops interacting.

[SoupDragon]

I used to post a lot in the psychotherapy forum (been here a long time), but don't so much these days.

I then turned to the game forum - it was helpful to me, acted as a distraction.

These days I can experience real problems with concentration and I therefore don't always read long posts, because I just can't focus.

My advice would be to pick a forum that you can relate to in some way however small and hang around there and over time you may develop some online friendships by getting to know others - you may then find more of a connection and can more slowly focus on your own problems, may be just one at a time.

For me sometimes "rants" can help in getting stuff out of my head, but I know there is often little that can be said in response and so I don't expect too many responses.

I am sorry that things may feel tough for you right now, but hope you stick around PC and develop those connections for the support you need.

Soup

[lizardlady]

many great replies here...

ForeverLonelyGirl, I have been frustrated by a lack of replies to my posts too. I suspect most of us here have been at some point.

Gonna toss my 2 cents in about some of the suggestions already made....
If I'm not mentally in a place where I can respond to every person who posted in my thread I'll post something thanking everyone and saying I'm not in a position to be able to make individual responses. At least people know I read and acknowledged that they reached out to me.

Like Christina I will some times read a post that really touches me, but not have what it takes to write much of a response. I'll post a reply saying just that. I've gotten that sort of reply too. I tells me that someone heard me.

As a general observation, rant posts frequently don't get a lot of responses. When I post a rant I'm looking more to be able to dump what I'm upset about than replies.

Someone mentioned giving hugs or thanks. I've learned to look at those on my posts. Some times I might not get a lot of replies, but a ton of hugs. That tells me those folks read my post and had a reaction.

This is going to sound funny coming from me since I tend to post long posts and replies myself, but when I'm tired I tend to skip really long posts, especially if it's a solid block of text. My poor ole brain just can't follow it. I have been know to post about a zillion different problems in on post. Lots of helpful folks around here suggested I break the topics into separate posts.

I'm going to echo what others said, keep trying. PC is huge. You'll find a comfortable spot eventually.

[hannabee]

I too usually skip longer posts if there are hardly any paragraphs! Short 2 line sentences are good, with as many paragraphs as you need. Oh, and a line or 2 between each paragraph.

[ForeverLonelyGirl]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I think if your more specific in your thread title and state what your wanting/needing.

Ex: Trouble with intrusive thoughts, advice needed.
Feeling very low, support and kind words needed.
Everything is wrong, I need to vent.
Etc.

I think of my threads as I would going to a Therapy session.. No one can walk into a Therapists office and have many many many issues and expect help with "all " of them at once. Usually a Therapist will point out a good starting point... I know actual Therapy isn't possible nor even wanted for you right now. But can you understand what I'm trying to convey?

Everyone has times where we just do not have the energy to support or reply to others. When I am in that place I will hit the "hug" button, Maybe that poster is feeling so bad that just seeing a bunch of hugs will in fact help even just a little bit.

Many times even when I am feeling terrible about my situation , I often focus on the members problem, offer whatever support I can muster. why? It takes me outta my own head for the time it takes to send a quick response of support. Ex: I'm so sorry your feeling so low , I have no really advice as I'm struggling also, but just know I hope your feeling better soon. Yes there are times even that is just too much to do, but just a thought.

I am a firm believer that a person should respond back to people who offer advice whether it helps you or not, it's you acknowledging there time responding to you.

Please don't think I am being mean, I'm just offering advise on how I feel you can get the most help from a site full of people all working on there own struggles too.

I do hope that you are feeling better soon

Do not feel or think that you were being mean at all. It is totally true that you cannot walk into a therapist's office and rattle off a dozen problems and expect them all to be taken care of them in one day. They have to tackle one item at a time, focus on that and then move on to the next issue.

When I express frustrations about not feeling helped here people unfortunately become defensive. As I said before, I do not blame anyone here or expect that coming here is my "cure" in a day. I may preface my posts with "don't take this personally" from now on. I guess it's human nature to be defensive.

I think one of my problems may be that I think too much and take myself and life too seriously. Maybe I just need to lighten up!

Thanks for the suggestions and hugs Christina...

good to hear from you again.

i'm glad you stuck around!

[A Red Panda]

I don't think you need to preface any of your threads.

[BobCat55]

Originally Posted by ForeverLonelyGirl

Maybe there is some formula that I am unaware of or my posts are too long and detailed. When I post about a situation that I am having trouble with, I do try to explain it thoroughly. Maybe I give too much information. Whatever the case, usually I get one or two replies. I appreciate any replies I do get, don't get me wrong. Possibly I am expecting or hoping for too much. So the problem remains.

There do seem to be people here that are relatively mentally and healthy and are very helpful to folks in bad situations like myself. I cannot fault anyone for not coming to my aid quite enough when I do not feel that I am helpful at all to anyone here. I have nothing left to give anymore. Plus everything has become so PC, that you have to really be careful what you say to who. I'm sorry that I cannot help anyone here, it is in my nature to help but I guess I am all shot out, done.

Most posts suggest to see a therapist. I agree that therapy would be a great idea for me and others, it is just NOT feasible for me right now. Plus I feel all "over therapized", that is not a word but you get my meaning. After 15 or so years of therapy, it all seems repetitious. When you get this cynical and jaded, I am not sure that you can be helped.

The moral of the story is that I just want to figure out how I can best help myself on this site by making my posts more amenable and easy to answer. A lot of life's questions do not have easy answers, I do get that. Any thoughts?

Hi.

We humans are great for making life complicated. We throw rocks on our path in life that is already strewn with mountains to climb. I do believe we are born with the capacity to be our own best advisor. All we need to do is listen to our inner voice.
If you can bear to be in silence, a ten minute meditation in a quiet place at home is most restful for a troubled mind. I plan to take my own adivce and get back to doing just that.
I have more years behind me than ahead now and my thinking is heading to the refined we are born, we live, create life and we die. We come into the world with nothing and we leave it the same way. All the trash that we amass along the way ends up in the bin anyway. Nobody wants our stuff!. So I'm done collecting. Clean, clear space gives me clarity of mind and less work for my sons when I snuff it!. BobCat55

[eskielover]

I am guilty of writing novels here....but mostly I try to make sure I break them into small paragraphs to make them easier to read, use a different font & larger type so it's easier to read......but my writing isn't intended necessarily for replys I use this as sort of my place to journal things that have happened & when so I can go back to my own posts I see where I was or what happened when.....

Or sometimes I tell a cute story that has happened to me which needless to say my life is full of living alone on a farm......

I have a wonderful T & another one I"m starting with the end of this month & I have a friend who I talk to about one time a week & we do the analysis thing at times & share experiences that have happened.

When I have time I will read the longer posts or at least skim for the details & try to respond...but sometimes lately, I have been flying out the door & tell myself to go back to the post when I have time.....seems lately I haven't had the time but try to reply to the longer posts because I know how much of self is put into the writing.

It might also be because I do live alone & the only ones that listen most of the time are my eskie dogs & they just look at me & give me a slurpy kiss....so I have a lot that gets stored in my brain at times that just NEEDS to come out.