[serenity2298]

I used to have a best friend that stopped talking to me because of my suicide attempt. We were extremely close, talked and spent time with each other every day. In order for me to move on I've had to step back and analyze our relationship because I've been told by some how unhealthy it really was. She didn't allow me to drink or cut, threatening to never talk to me again if I did. She threw away my clothes that looked ''slutty'' with my consent. Minor things also like don't smoke in the street cos you look like a hooker. Basically she was very controling and i interpred it as care, that she cared about me and my welfare cos she always had a point and was always right. Why should I smoke at a busstop looking like a hooker to attract bad men that only want one thing? Why should I drink when I'm on medication? She always had a valid point. I'm now looking back trying to differentiate what was control and what was out of care. I'd deeply appreciate any opinions you guys might have on the subject. When does too caring become controlling? Thanks in advance.

Hi serenity2298.
I was of the opinion, that Management, was the aim, in context of Care.
Regards.

[ChipperMonkey]

Care is when someone will discuss their concerns about your behavior and let you make your own decision. Control is when someone says "do this or I won't be your friend".

[serenity2298]

Yes she would often threaten that if i do 'this' or 'that' she would drop me and never talk to me again and that's what happened when i tried to commit suicide in november. she has completely dropped me in all ways possible. I'm hurting so much but need to look at it from all angles whether I should pursue getting our friendship back together. I miss her dearly.

Originally Posted by serenity2298

Yes she would often threaten that if i do 'this' or 'that' she would drop me and never talk to me again and that's what happened when i tried to commit suicide in november. she has completely dropped me in all ways possible. I'm hurting so much but need to look at it from all angles whether I should pursue getting our friendship back together. I miss her dearly.

Hi.
Do you miss her?
Or would you like someone?
Regards.

[serenity2298]

Originally Posted by HeronB

Hi.
Do you miss her?
Or would you like someone?
Regards.

I miss her immensley but I understand your question, I have dependant personality disorder so anyone that could replace her intelligence, humour and care would easily take the place i think but she really is one in a million, it's hard to find someone like her.

[avlady]

you probably scarred the @##$ out of her, but still she could have acted differently than she did. i don't know myself if i could handle having a friend who acted like you did, i'd like to think most likely i would have tried to get you to see a doctor.

[serenity2298]

Originally Posted by avlady

you probably scarred the @##$ out of her, but still she could have acted differently than she did. i don't know myself if i could handle having a friend who acted like you did, i'd like to think most likely i would have tried to get you to see a doctor.

I was admitted to an institution after. I was however already seeing a therapist and psychiatrist at the time. Maybe I did scare her, I regret it every day, I so wish I hadn't done it.

[kim_johnson]

It is hard to know whether she was controlling or caring... It is hard to have a friend who doesn't seem able to control themselves in ways that are good for them / care for themself in ways that are good for them.

I had a friend who dropped me after a suicide attempt, too. I think... Where he was at in his life... It wasn't good for him to invest more in me than I invested in myself... My attempt hurt him more than it hurt me.

Don't know if this makes sense.

[connect.the.stars]

Thanks for posting about this. I too have trouble differentiating between whether my parents control or care about me. I think some people only know how to express how much they care by strongly advocating for the way they believe is right.