[ticktock4]

My apologies in advance if this is the wrong forum to post it. I'm not exactly sure where else to turn to for advice, as this seems to be a 'laughable' issue (please don't judge), but is not close to serious enough for seeking 'professional help'.

Long story short: sexual violence, rape, strong sex scenes or cross-species animal sex upset me beyond measure. In fictional movies, real porn, TV series, etc. it doesn't matter.

Even if I read about a movie containing such scenes, without ever seeing it, if someone I know has seen it, it will get stuck in my head and will stay with me for weeks. Lately whenever I read "50 Shades of Grey" I need to be alone, control my breath and focus on something happy to calm me down. I project these negative feelings also on the people who watch these kinds of things. This has caused me to grow feelings of resentment towards my partner, who enjoys watching certain movies that contain sexual violence (American History X, 50 Shades of Grey, etc.) or, for example, Saw-based porn because it's 'funny'.

I'd like to self-analyse and get better, but I can't find anyone or anywhere on the internet a similar issue. I've had this for as long as I can remember, even as a kid. I don't know what to do with these feelings. Whether to accept or ignore or face it or learn to avoid the triggers or what... I don't even know where it comes from.

The sex can be male-on-female or male-on-male, both trigger me.

I'm fine with blood, gore and violence within limits. That's not an issue.

I'm 24 years old, male, gay, monogamously partnered, healthy personal sex life. Had an alcohol & drug addiction for 3 years, so during this period this issue never really bothered me.

Hope someone could point me in the right direction for self-healing before I destroy my relationships over this... Thank you in advance.

[sideblinded]

ticktock4, welcome to PC. I do not think that your feelings are laughable at all. In fact you are most probably correct in that when you visualize these scenes you are somehow triggered by them which means you have a strong reaction and maybe something happened to you when you were young that has to do with your reactions. Many people call this a sort of memory loss or dissociation. I am no therapist so this is only speculation. It could be that you suffered some abuse as a child and only a therapist can help you figure this out. Best wishes.

TickTock,

I have been getting creeped out lately every time I see a mention of the 50 Shades of Grey film, too. My reaction is not nearly as strong as yours, though. I will not see certain films or read certain books that have sexual violence in them or certain types of physical violence.

The physical violence has been a trigger for me since I was a child. I suppose my parents weren't letting me watch movies with sexual violence in them, so I can't say about that.

There's a term that I've learned about in the last 2-3 years - Highly Sensitive Person (HSP.) You might want to investigate it and see if it fits you.

The whole topic is definitely one that a good therapist should be able to help you with if you see one.

I think there are probably more people than we realize who are disturbed by scenes of sexual or physical violence in books or films. I think maybe men in particular may feel like they shouldn't say if they are. I really liked the "Girl With The Dragon Tattoo" trilogy and was surprised to hear my brother-in-law say that it had a disgusting amount of gratuitous violence in it and that he didn't like it at all. He's not American - he's from a Scandinavian country and has a different take on cultural issues sometimes.

I'm not trying to invalidate what anyone else said about the possibility of abuse in your background. In fact, my first assumption about my own reactions was that I must have abuse that I didn't remember. As far as I know, I don't, though.

Good luck with this issue.

It isn't at all laughable. Sexual violence should be abhorrent to anyone. Maybe I'm misunderstanding this but I don't see it as something you need to be cured from. Can you just avoid books and films containing sexual violence?