Everything irritates me lately

Mostly for good reason, I just can no longer hold in my irritation-
I used to be praised on my patience- one of my managers at work told me the other day I need to be more patient. The irony is not lost on me.
I want a new job, but I don't really have any good prospects. I had one, and then lost it- I missed a call back because an error/delay with my voice mail-
so I'm a little deterred-
My current job is ok, I'm just tired of the bs politics and people talking down to me and me being under appreciated and underestimated-
I've been drinking recently a little bit each day in the evening- it helps me feel better the next day- didn't help today though- it was my birthday.
Only my family and my bf know, and like one other friend- I didn't tell any of my worker friends. Feeling like a dork/loser. Feel like whats the point- I'd rather not have people know- but an definitely had to not have to work.
I donated blood today- that was good- I'd rather so a good deed that helps others than get lavished with gifts and fake well wishes from aquaintances that don't give a damn. Birthdays are just another day. I guess that sounds depressing, but then again I've never really liked celebrating my birthday much anyway. I think I had like only birthday party with friends when I was little and then nothing after that. Sure, I went to other friends parties, but I never got my own after that growing up. I think the whole thing is silly. So I guess that's made me feel like It's not a big deal. Maybe that's resentment/bitterness? I don't know. But I don't really like my birthday, this year especially. Last year was fun-went out with my bf. We ended up going out after all this year but it seemed weird- I think it was the place- it had a weird vibe, when people didn't really make me feel welcome. I don't know, maybe it's all in my head . . .

I'm sorry that you are so frustrated and that the dinner date didn't go so well. Hopefully things will begin to look up for you soon.

i will wish you a happy birthday, although i know you probably might not want to hear it, but it might make you feel better as i am sincere so here it goes-Happy Birthday!!! i hope you feel better, i really don't do much on my birthdays anymore, just get a few cards from family.how is your family situation? do you have a good support system with them? i hope you feel better soon, good luck on finding a new job too if that's what you want and need.

Just a few thoughts...
"My current job is ok, I'm just tired of the bs politics and people talking down to me and me being under appreciated and underestimated-"

If you feel your current job is ok, maybe you should stick with it. There is always going to be the bs and politics. I've been in your place. I would give anything to have an ok job right now, I'm home with no chance of ever going back to work that I can see.
Also...
"I've been drinking recently a little bit each day in the evening- it helps me feel better the next day- didn't help today though- it was my birthday"

Don't start down that road...experience here from starting to drink a little after work and then on all my off days when work got too rough. I was already on psych drugs, so the drinking just exacerbated my depression and anxiety. It took me way down a dark path that led to my destruction. Alcohol is a depressant, the day after tends to bring worsened depression.

Happy Birthday to you!

Just reading your post brought about memories of my lost career and just wanted to share my thoughts and experiences with you. Don't mean to be a downer.

Birthdays can be rough, I finally started just trying to appreciate what I have and can do, treat myself to some shopping and eating dinner out with a friend or family. Sounds like there are some issues that you need to talk out with a good friend or preferably therapist. Best of luck to you!

You are a good soul,but in order to keep it that way,
you need to protect it.Quote: "You get the behavior
from people that you're willing to put up with without protest. Your silence is CONSENT!"
You need to raise your communications to your
benefit,and quickly. Look at dear self with compassion and care,and please don't turn against
self by taking alcohol,that will deaden perception
and thought processes. Get good book on self-assertiveness,and maybe one on self-esteem.
I think what IS in your head,is,that some people are
a bit loony and not very nice--and you are damn well right! Trust your feelings regarding people,
a lot of them are sick in head.
Deepest Respect,
BLUEDOVE

Hey, I was quite tired when I wrote this and kept losing my train of thought- I forgot to mention also I've been more cranky since the fall out with my so called friend ( check my 'so called friends' post) - and I realized I have some grammar mistakes hat might make it hard to read at first- anyway- I think I'm still tired-
Ttyl.

I meant to say more- I think the blood donation took more out of me than normal, I don't think I should've had any alcohol last night .. .

Could the drinking be self medication? If you have a T or Pdoc have you discussed this with them? These changes could be related to your illness.

please stop the alcohol drinking if you can it is detrimental to your overall health and mind. i used to drink to unwind after a waitress job i had years ago. it just made it harder to get through the next day, i would sometimes be hungover even though i didn't drink too much. even a little bit can cause me brain fog the next day. i would have to be at work before 8 am and it took its toll on me i eventually had to quit. i think the thing too was i would be on my feet walking all day, which left me with all type of foot problems now too. i would just be happy if i had a desk job instead, but am happy for the experience, i do like people.

I don't drink alcohol and never have, it just doesn't appeal to me- but I'm not so quick to tell you not to drink alcohol. Do you have a history of substance/alcohol abuse? If not, if a glass of wine now and then helps you feel calmer it's not the end of the world. If you're looking forward to getting home and being alone so you can drink every night well, obviously that is a problem.

Good for you for donating blood - and Happy Birthday!

I'm going to hazard a guess and say that the fall-out with your friend is contributing a lot to your upset state of mind.

I only drink a little bit, it often leaves
Me feeling more revived the next day, yesterday was weird