What colouring do you find attractive?

I was just talking about this with a girlfriend while a little toasted on Saturday night :>

I generally have a thing for tall, dark, preferably olive skin and green or brown eyes. YUM! This describes most of my ex bfs to some degree (except for the last one, ahhh that must have been my mistake!)

Anyway, there is a gene theory of attraction that sort of explains this (to do with pheromones and things). Bascially, we are most attracted to people who are genetically the most opposite to us because when you mate you are then creating the strongest possible offspring. Part of this is selecting people who are opposite to you in terms of colouring, etc.

I have pale skin and blue eyes and dark hair so it makes sense for me to be attracted to someone with much darker colouring than me.

It's just a theory but I rather like it ...

So what colour combinations do other people find attractive?

I am very pale with green eyes and my natural hair colour is dark auburn. I have an oval face and chubby cheeks... I wish I had dramatic cheekbones, but I can't even see my cheekbones!! Anyway, I'm 5'4" and curvy.

My "type" seems to be men who tan easily, are much taller than me, thin and have naturally darker skin and brown hair. I'm attracted to men with very strong, square jawlines, and receding hairlines. I also like beards. I like both brown and blue eyes, but one thing the men I'm attracted to always have in common is that their eyes are brooding and intense in appearance. I like expressive, slightly tired looking eyes for some reason.

I have soft features, so I think that might be why I'm drawn to men with very defined features. Those features appear very manly to me. Mmmmm...

When I was a teenager I was only attracted to native men -- tall, dark hair, dark eyes, little or no body hair.

Oddly enough, in my fantasies, and aesthetically-speaking, I'm very attracted to the pale, thin, other-worldly, slightly effeminate blonde look -- like David Bowie and Marty Casey. I am never physically attracted to men who look like that in real life, though. I just like to look at them.

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Juliana said:
I am very pale with green eyes and my natural hair colour is dark auburn. I have an oval face and chubby cheeks... I wish I had dramatic cheekbones, but I can't even see my cheekbones!! Anyway, I'm 5'4" and curvy.

My "type" seems to be men who tan easily, are much taller than me, thin and have naturally darker skin and brown hair. I like both brown and blue eyes, but one thing the men I'm attracted to always have in common is that their eyes are brooding and intense in appearance. I like expressive, slightly tired looking eyes for some reason.

When I was a teenager I was only attracted to native men -- tall, dark hair, dark eyes, little or no body hair.


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Hehe you sound gorgeous!

And the native thing ... mmmmmm. I have been out with a few Maori boys and am still very very attracted to their look.

When I was in Portugal a couple of years ago I was in seventh heaven on the beach - dark, well built / very athletic, and awesome body art, they constantly play soccer ... *swoon*

I definitely need them to be taller than me (I am 5'6" and curvey). It is definitely a bit of a protection thing, although again I think it symbolises strength and good genes to breed with.

My ex Andy is a very classically good looking man - 6'2"ish, not that built but a good shape, dark hair, hazel eyes. He is quite pale but hey you can't have it all. We still hook up - it's funny, I wonder if he will always be in my life in that way until one of us gets hitched ... heh.

Goodness it sounds very knight in shining armour between the two of us Juliana!

I've heard the theory that we tend to be attracted to people who are genetically different from us too. I think that the experiment that supported that went a little something like this:

Different people have their own unique scent. Apparently part of that is racial (though to assess that you need to control for diet especially when a group eats a lot of curry or chili or fish etc). But part of that comes down to individual uniqueness. I think they presented different cloths with different scents to people and asked which cloth they preferred. They then found that the cloth that was preferred tended to come from the person that was most genetically different to the person doing the choosing. I'm fairly sure that was how that went.

Lots of severely detrimental conditions are recessive so you would need both parents to be carriers for the condition to express in the offspring. So yeah, the thought was that if there was some mechanism for assessing genetic difference (such as pheremones or perhaps phenotype / physical characteristics) and people did indeed seem to be attracted to someone different from them (i'm not sure how much evidence there is to support that) then the reason may well be to prevent those recessive diseases.

(inbreeding is part of the problem behind some of the royal families in history and also part of the problem in increasing the numbers of severely endangered species where we have little choice but to force inbreeding or allow extinction)

It is unclear how much that comes through with respect to phenotype. There are social norms (lessening but still present in much of the world) about marrying someone who is a member of ones own cultural group. NZ is probably less inclined to that social norm than other parts of the world. I remember being well and truely surprised to watch an Oprah episode and hear how the majority felt about 'mixed' or 'interracial' marriages.

With respect to my preference... I think my preference is basically a male version of me. Similar build but the male version. Similar features but the male version etc.

Yes, that's exactly the one I'm talking about

And yes, we are more of a melting pot here in NZ than other countries are. Especially with the children of many Asian and Polynesian migrants now being born as first-gen Kiwis.

There are still some very very strong beh norms around marrying within own cultural group, though. I would venture to say Saamoan, Tongan, Niuean are particular examples of this. It is also very tied up in the way the families are structured - finances are a good example. Basically, as I'm sure you know, families contribute to different 'funds' which are then used communally. You might contribute to your parents' funds, your aunt's funds, and your partner's uncle's funds. It is a very complex system and is one of the key reasons there is so much debt - people give a lot of money that they don't have, and the loan sharks go nuts over it. And then there is church-going ...

So I guess if you are going to marry into one of those cultures there is a lot of adjustment to do.

NZ is going to have a HUGE problem in 25 years time if we don't fix some of the social issues that are bubbling under the surface. A hui I went to recently was fascinating in terms of korero about what steps need to be taken. The more pessimistic feel that there will be white flight AND brown flight (sorry about the un-PC terms).

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drunksunflower said:

When I was in Portugal a couple of years ago I was in seventh heaven on the beach - dark, well built / very athletic, and awesome body art, they constantly play soccer ... *swoon*

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My dad is 1/4 Portuguese. His grandfather was a Portuguese sailor. He has black hair and hazel eyes and gets a dark, dark tan after just one afternoon in the sun. I always wished I could be like that. I look a lot like him except for the colouring. I'm the very pale, female version of him. I wish I could have inherited his colouring. I inherited my depression from him instead. LOL.

Your relationship with your ex-boyfriend sounds a lot like my past. I put a stop to the hooking-up thing with my ex many years ago and I'm glad I did because it was making things complicated. He's my best friend now. I'm so glad we were able to work past the urge to jump into bed together all the time. There was so much more to our relationship than that and now there's nothing making it messy. He's the one person in this world who I feel comfortable talking with about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING and I never feel judged. I'm glad we're not doing anything to risk that friendship anymore. He's still my knight in shining armour. I seem to need one of those in my life.

i honestly can't remember the details of the study... i have a few concerns about it, however. lets say we grant them their finding that when it comes to pheremones people prefer the scent of the people who are most genetically diverse to them. i wish they had done this in addition: they could have had pictures of the people whose scents they had taken a sample of and then asked the person to pick which person in the picture they found most attractive. it would have been interesting to see whether their choices mapped onto their pheremone choices or not. it would then be interesting to have them meet the people (so they could see and smell them) and then after that ask them who they found the most attractive. i would expect that the choice of pic would interfeare with their choice of person in meeting (people do alter their later choices in order to be consistent with earlier choices) so they would need to switch the order of pic - meeting with half the sample. this fuller study could give us the following information:

- how much do physical characteristic provide similar information to pheremones (if it is indeed genetic diversity that people are attracted to)

(the notion behind that is that just because someone is of a different racial group to you doesn't mean they are more genetically different to you than someone of the same racial group as you. there is considerable variation between members of the same racial group and oftentimes not that much variation between members of different racial groups so racial groups actually aren't - perhaps surprisingly - a good measure of genetic difference)

- how much do physical characteristics mediate judgements about pheremones

(the notion here is that people may make pheremone judgements one way and phenotypic judgements another way. meeting the person (where you have both kinds of information) would provide a way of assessing which takes priority)

> There are still some very very strong beh norms around marrying within own cultural group, though. I would venture to say Saamoan, Tongan, Niuean are particular examples of this.

yeah. this is to do with small groups wanting to preserve their culture (?) perhaps. whereas the trouble i was seeing in USA was the social stigma of the dominant group marrying someone from a less dominant group. Not quite so bad as... But more similar to... Some of the stigma around white-black marriages in South Africa...

> I guess if you are going to marry into one of those cultures there is a lot of adjustment to do.

Well... That depends on whether the person has become culturally assimilated or not, I guess. I notice this more in Australia than I did in NZ (though I know this is happening in NZ too)... 3rd generation Austrailians who look distinctively chinese or korean. I still get a little surprised when I meet them first off (because the majority of chinese and korean people I spoke to back home hardly spoke a word of English whereas here they have more of an Aussie accent than me!)

> The more pessimistic feel that there will be white flight AND brown flight

Because of the 'brain drain' do you mean? Or because of other reasons???

i've never described Bill to you......and i hope you can control yourselves. Bill looks like Hugh Laurie....."House"........
i've always been attracted to that type.

the eyes are the most important feature for me. i like the brooding, insane, fervored look.

juliana and i had a midnight conversation about "types" recently and we both chose Johnny Depp over Brad Pitt.....i like an edge.

I like an "edge" too. Check your e-mail; you'll see what I mean.

I definitely have a 'type.'

Btw, Hugh Laurie is so HOT!!!

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fayerody said:

the eyes are the most important feature for me. i like the brooding, insane, fervored look.

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Me too!

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Juliana said:

Your relationship with your ex-boyfriend sounds a lot like my past. I put a stop to the hooking-up thing with my ex many years ago and I'm glad I did because it was making things complicated. He's my best friend now. I'm so glad we were able to work past the urge to jump into bed together all the time. There was so much more to our relationship than that and now there's nothing making it messy. He's the one person in this world who I feel comfortable talking with about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING and I never feel judged. I'm glad we're not doing anything to risk that friendship anymore. He's still my knight in shining armour. I seem to need one of those in my life.

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Hehe me too. Ours was happening every couple of weeks up until recently, but neither of us have been in each others cities for about a month now.

I sort of wish I was more like I am now (the happy version) and he was more like he is now when we were going out. We just 'get' each other. We don't even have to say anything half the time, we will just know what each other is thinking and have laughing fits over what to other people would probably be nothing (and we get extremely funny looks).

Ahhhh the what ifs ... lol :>

That's the way my ex and I are too. Unfortunately, when we lived together we often brought out the worst in each other. We're so much alike except he's a more extreme version of me. That's fine in a friendship, but in a romantic relationship it was a BAD combination -- too intense, too dramatic, etc.

Alexandra:

a) Yes, I would need to read the actual methodology and critique that before I could say I find it entirely credible. I do think it's interesting though :>

b) I'd actually venture to say that there is a low level of assimilation in many of those cultural groups. Things still operate the old way. I recently did research on Sorted for Retirement Commission and the Pasifika groups were fascinating in terms of how children in their 20s are still expected to pretty much carry on those traditions. It is very entrenched. I would say when they have children it will be that generation who will perhaps adjust more to European ways of saving. I don't know ... The level of knowledge is simply not there in this gen. There is a great deal of naievity and while I do not want to appear critical the level of personal debt in these groups is HUGE.

According to Census stats, if you project 20 years down the track, there will be roughly the same number of 'people of colour' (any colour) in NZ as there will be 'white'.

Unfortunately, these groups (esp Maori, Pasifika) are overrepresented in many areas of social concern. Justice, health, unemployment, etc.

At present, 'white' are the engine room of the economy - hold more jobs down, larger population, earn more money on average etc.

What is going to happen as the population becomes more 'brown' is that the engine room is going to end up more 'coloured', as many 'white' retire the balance of power is going to change. And when there are so many simmering problems under the surface in some of the 'coloured' groups, that means there will be more problems to deal with as that population increases.

There needs to be a huge movement in resolving some of these social issues or we will end up with a population with a hell of a lot of problems which could feasibily cause a lot of incongruency and conflict in society.

Please excuse talking in 'colours' like this, I do not mean it in a racist way. In fact I am borrowing Joe Williams' words (Chief Justice of the Maori Land Court) from a recent conference.

Must have an edge.

Brad is boring.

and Bill is younger..................

Hmmm there are a lot of ladies who think House is hugely hawt. I can see the attraction for sure ...

He really does need a massive wardrobe overhaul though - lol :>

I like purple men with orange eyes and magenta hair. I prefer they have translucent skin, droopy knees, and dangly fingers.

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Maven said:
I like purple men with orange eyes and magenta hair. I prefer they have translucent skin, droopy knees, and dangly fingers.

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H2D!!!!

(hot to death :>)

LOL. Oooh. I LOVE droopy knees.

I have always gone for dark hair and brown eyes...with olive skin...I guess it is because I am blonde and blueeyed...yes just the opposite....lol!

I think Hugh Laurie is HAWT!

My preferred type in men is dark hair (dark brown or black) and brown eyes, preferably with beard and mustache. I also like a lot of hair on the arms, chest, etc. This current trend in males to shave their chests is yuck to me! I also prefer men who are not heavily muscled, especially in the upper body. I kind of like the emaciated, sunken chest look. But I like well muscled thighs and calves. I have medium brown hair and brown eyes, so there goes the opposite theory!

I am familiar with the scientific study that is being discussed here. The genetic difference that people are mentioning maps to the HLA type (Human Leukocyte Antigen, also known as MHC or Major Histocompatibility Locus). This is a complex genetic locus containing many genes and is extremely variable from one person to the next. The purpose of these genes is to present antigens on the surface of our cells. These help our body determine self from non-self (pathogens invading our body). The theory goes that it is good to be as variable as possible at this locus to enable a population to survive epidemics, disease, and such. It also helps prevent inbreeding. In addition, the female is thought to somehow favor mates different from her at the HLA. The study referred to in this thread is one in which male college students were asked to wear a T-shirt for several days, so it was good and saturated with their scent. Then the T-shirts were given to female college students to smell, and they picked their favorites. They then typed the guys and ladies at their HLA locus and discovered that women preferred men who are different at the HLA. It is not known exactly how people can smell the difference. But the HLA affects many cells in our body so it is conceivable that cells displaying different antigens could give off a different odor. I'm just guessing here. I have not heard of any pheromone genes located in the HLA. I think this study has been repeated many times. Here is some references:
Reference 1
Reference 2
Reference 3

I hope they paid those poor girls a lot of money to smell the stinky T-shirts!

When I was in art school, there was this guy who had a huge crush on me. I found it very strange because he looked so much like me. I rarely see anyone who resembles me. The resemblance between us was quite uncanny, though -- same shade of green eyes, pale skin and dark auburn hair. My natural hair colour is very unusual and his was exactly the same colour. Most redheads have freckles, but we were both freckle-free. We looked like we could be closely related. I found that a turn-off. I couldn't understand why he was attracted to someone who looked so much like him.

I have a friend whose parents look like brother and sister. Both of them have bright red hair, blue eyes, turned-up noses, pale skin and lots of freckles.

I think I'll always go for the opposite of me, though.

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sunrise said:
This current trend in males to shave their chests is yuck to me! I also prefer men who are not heavily muscled, especially in the upper body. I kind of like the emaciated, sunken chest look. But I like well muscled thighs and calves.

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I agree with you. I'm turned off in general by men who look like they spend a lot of time on their appearance. So, using lots of hair products, body waxing, etc. ... I could never be attracted to man who does those things. I like a hairy chest and facial hair too. I also like thin men who are just naturally toned -- not pumped. So, the guys I have dated usually run for exercise rather than going to work out at a gym. Actually, most of the guys I date are musicians who stay up late at night playing in bars and never excercise. LOL. I shudder at the sight of muscle-bound men at the gym. That will never be my type. Some women love that look though. My dad's been into body building since he was quite young and my mum just LOVES his big arms.

I remembered another thing related to the smell of males. When I was pregnant, certain males smelled incredibly bad to me--they exuded a really strong, unpleasant odor. I was driven to avoid them. Sometimes when I would eat in the cafeteria at work, I had to get up and move to another table if one of these men sat at a table near me. Other men smelled just fine to me, similar to how they smelled before I was pregnant. I have no idea what this all means. I know when you are pregnant, your overall sense of smell increases, but this seems so specific. I was glad after I gave birth that these men stopped smelling horrible to me. Thank goodness, my husband was not one of the "horrible smelling" males. Maybe it is somehow related to the HLA?