personality traits we find attractive in men

I saw this over on the men's and thought maybe if they happen to read here they can see a woman's definition of what we feel makes a man a man.

I personally don't care for the big macho type.

sensitive and caring

to me a man is someone that will stand up for his wife/gf

chivalry. I like my guy to open my doors for me most of the time.
playing sports to me does not make a man. nor being mean and abusive.

I will add more to mine when I think of them.

A loving FATHER & FRIEND - a kind HUSBAND.

Shared interest in his partners LIFE -

Able to offer honest TRUST & LOYALITY.

Fidelity while in a Relationship.

being able to forgive when a woman puts her foot in her mouth

not being afraid to do something sweet for fear of being called soft

not being afraid to tell a woman when he feels down or needs help...superman's just a comic-book character lol

----- for all men I've ever offended by being a silly insensitive highland moo.----

Not being afraid to verbally express his deepest most honest feelings of LoVe.

these are all good ones.

for the guys that are reading I really hope this helps you understand us females! lol we really don't need a big macho type meanies lol

I want my man to be able to cry when he is sad and not feel that he has to ashamed of it.

Jbug

honesty and loyalty.

I don't like crying men. I would like a man to be partially sensitive. That's what I have a therapist for, for godsakes, lol. I don't like a man who is a baby. I like a man who is artistic, good sense of humor, authentic, intellectual, and can match me in a debate.

Okay, I just turned that into a personals ad. Sorry if it didn't directly address the question. :-)

I don't feel that men that cry are babies. I think it shows they have feelings just like us women. sorry. I think it takes a bigger man that can cry.

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jbug said:
I want my man to be able to cry when he is sad and not feel that he has to ashamed of it.

Jbug

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I agree. what makes a man for me, is someone who knows himself. someone who understands he's a work in progress & is willing to put in that work. he's not afraid to be himself with me. he believes in truth,commitment,God. & if he's sexy,passionate & artistic, then i've died & gone to heaven. it's a good thing i'm not looking for 1

Pinksoil,

I hope you work out the issue of not liking a crying man especially if you are being a T. Men have a hard time letting their emotions show, and sometimes it takes a gentle T to allow them to maybe cry for the first time, and without judgment. Crying is healthy for everybody. My T says God didn't create the eyes for just seeing.

yep, i don't agree with macho crap that men shouldn't cry, they got feelings too.

hmmmmm. what defines what makes a man..... well I suppose is his wife!

Lol.

I guess men tend to be DOERS. They show their care by doing something for you. They might arrange breakfast in bed... Or buy you flowers... Or get you that book you have been talking about... Or drive you around town for that shopping excersion.

Men (quite often) aren't so good at telling you how they feel (what are empty words worth?) They tend to show you how they feel by DOING STUFF. Often... From a females perspective... The stuff they do... Might be imperceptable. Not because it is insignificant or unimportant or ineffectual... Just because...

Women tend to say they care and want to talk about it... But in terms of action... Maybe that is harder.

I personally think... That solely by virtue of being born male or female... We are who we are... A guy who tries to act 'stereotypically male' is about as unappealling (and inauthentic) as a girl who tries to act 'stereotypically female'. Maybe that doesn't have quite the same ring to guys as it will to girls...

I just meant to say... That what it is to be a guy is to... Be a guy. And if you are a guy... Well, then, you are a guy. Hello. And fulfilling some stereotype of 'macho male' well... If it helps you feel better then go for your life. But with respect to making it with the girls (clearly an interest of every 'macho male') well... You better foster your sensitive feminine side. Lol.

I find this to be a bizarre discussion. I don't know what 'makes' a man. There are characteristics that I prefer in men I associate with, but those are the same characteristics that I value in women that I associate with. I don't really see gender as having much to do with anything as it relates to me.

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happyflowergirl said:
Pinksoil,

I hope you work out the issue of not liking a crying man especially if you are being a T. Men have a hard time letting their emotions show, and sometimes it takes a gentle T to allow them to maybe cry for the first time, and without judgment. Crying is healthy for everybody. My T says God didn't create the eyes for just seeing.

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I work very succesfully with mostly men in my internship, so I think I have my "issue" in perspective there. I was talking about men that I relate to in my personal life and that's just how I feel. I am not going to say that crying is wonderful and healthy and lovely just because it's the right thing to say. I'm going to say how I feel, and that is how I'm feeling right now. I agree with LMO-- what makes a man is subjective. Crying is not a characteristic that would be attractive to me in a man. I don't really think that your hope of me working out an issue before I become a T is needed because I have helped a lot of men reach a very emotional spot when I am doing therapy with them.

I'm not sure how clear I was. I guess I don't define 'men' by personality characteristics. A man is a man if he identifies himself as being a man. There are personality caracteristics of some men that I don't like (such as career competitiveness) but I don't consider them to be less men than one who is collaborative (although I find that to be sexier). Same with women. And if I had a problem with crying men (which I dont), then a non-crying man still wouldn't make it into my book as a 'man' if he identified himself as female.

I just think that the question is awkward - maybe I'm stuck on the semantics though. I'd rather answer: 'what characteristics do you find attractive in a man'. Men already have way too much pressure, IMO, to behave a certain way to conform to society's view of 'men', and it saddens me to exacerbate it.

im going to go with my science classes here and say... a penis.

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pinksoil said:
I don't like crying men. I would like a man to be partially sensitive. That's what I have a therapist for, for godsakes, lol. I don't like a man who is a baby.

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Sorry if I offended you it seems like I did, but it is hard to believe this viewpoint of men expressing emotion doesn't bled over into therapy with your male clients. Maybe it hasn't yet.

And about accepting crying as the right thing to say, no, it IS healthy for all of us to cry when we need to, not just something to say.
It is okay for men/boys to cry, it is something I teach my son who is 11. Showing your emotions is okay even for men or anyone. It is when we pent up our emotions is when the trouble begins. My husband cries and I don't think he is a baby or weak in any way. My T cries, both of them do.

But as a future therapist, I wouldn't in my professional life or personal life EVER call a man a baby for crying. I have to admit I was surprised you said that in any context. Therapists especially should know crying is healthy show of emotions whether man female, boy or girl.

I am glad my T doesn't think I am a baby for crying, I think I could never let myself fully trust him if I had to hold in my emotions, worried that my T would think I am a baby. If you don't think your clients can pick up on this, you are fooling yourself.

I remember when my husband's uncle (big military man) told my son to quit crying after his grandpa passed away after the funeral because he was being a baby. He was 10 and he was expressing what is normal. I told him to leave my son alone, he can cry all he wants.

ermmm....think i'm on a different planet to everybody else today. i thought this thread was define what makes a man to us, not a debate on crying and therapy. is it just me?

You are right, sorry about my comments.

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happyflowergirl said:
You are right, sorry about my comments.

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((((((((((happyflowergirl))))))))))

i think i'm just on one tonite. peace &amp; love to you.





what makes a man?.....one who don't mind giving me lotsa cuddles. lol.

for me... a man is someone.. that hugs.. when hugs are needed... or just unexpectantly..
nuzzles... the back of my neck and makes me feel special, warm.. and loved...

"huffs and puffs" around the house... lol until I "notice" something is "wrong"... so I have a "clue"...

shares.. some of my loves with me.. of nature.. and animals.. but has some loves that are different than my own so I might also share those with him...

is independent... and allows me to be independent...

knows...that... I will always listen.. so if he is "scared, sad, angry".... he knows I will "hear" him... may be thru body language.. or spoken... but... expressed in some way.. shape.. or form...

respectful... of himself... and of me.... meaning... he would never even dream of telling me "you are stupid"...

one that opens doors... and grabs my arm.. when we are walking..

ahhhhhhh.. the list could go on forever...

im making an addition:

doesnt get mad at the wii when he is having a bad bowling game!!! lol.

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LMo said:
I find this to be a bizarre discussion. I don't know what 'makes' a man. There are characteristics that I prefer in men I associate with, but those are the same characteristics that I value in women that I associate with. I don't really see gender as having much to do with anything as it relates to me.

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I agree Lmo... I couldn't really come up with anything that specified a man.. even to say a penis does doesn't completely sit with me as I have male friends who identify as female, and that is ok with me.

Even saying what I am attracted to in a man is hard because I have dated macho men and very feminine men..