[smoothielover]

Hey, I'm only 23 years old and I feel like I'm having a mid-life crisis. I don't take any meds or hormones, don't drink coffee, don't eat sugar, get plenty of sleep(10 hours average), am not over worked, live a very low-stress life style, eat organic, go hiking at least few times a month and smaller walks more frequently, and have a very patient boyfriend of 3 years. The thing is I have very little sexual drive, have no inspiration or creativity(I used to be very artistic), and almost every day, no matter what part of my cycle I'm in, I have at least one angry melt down where something went wrong(like trying to flip an egg and it doesn't flip right and the yolk breaks) and sometimes it happens multiple times a day. I actually avoid cooking eggs now because I suck at flipping them. These melt-downs rarely end in tears though. I just get really really mad and I feel my temperature rise. I kind of wish I could cry more actually, and I'm wondering if hard drug use in my teenage years has affected me, and is still affecting me 5 years later. I still have happy moments through-out the day. My days are just very up and down. I feel like I have no passion left except for anger and random ideas that I'll never actually get around to or finish. I do notice the day before my period I have an ultra-meltdown that keeps getting worse. This last time I beat up my bed and tore everything out of my closet, scattering around the room. You know, I think I actually felt better when I was smoking and drinking coffee because now I'm completely sober, I'm fully aware of what's going on in the world and I'm mad at the whole world. I feel the pain of the whole world and the Earth and I'd rather just hide in a cave with a bunch of pillows and blankets.
Anyway, I'm just wondering what the hell is going on. I feel like I'm doing everything "right" and I still am very angry and freak out on a daily basis. I sometimes feel like I don't know who I am as a woman, that I am not "womanly" probably because of what I see in the media(I don't have TV and only recently got internet for the first time in 5 years). I don't wear any make-up, no jewelry and I don't shave. I do wear semi-feminine clothing though. Also I don't have many friends because I live 8 miles off a crappy dirt road.
Sorry for the long rant... Just wondering if anyone else feels as crazy as I do?

[CANDC]

Hi smoothielover. Welcome to Psych Central (PC). Sorry you are having challenges with anger. Have you talked to a therapist or a psychiatrist about getting a diagnosis? There can be many things bubbling up inside us from past experiences.

If you want to try lifestyle changes, I can talk about what I am going through as possible changes.

For first aid, dealing with an anger outbreak, one thing I try is a breathing exercise to focus on breath instead of fighting with the thoughts.

Breathing exercise with natural breathing do not force.
If you are feeling very anxious or angry or just want to calm down, you can try a breathing exercise that takes the attention away from the trigger of anxiety to a simple tool of counting breaths.

Find a comfortable position seated or laying down. Begin to relax your breathing. Silently count 1 on the inhale, and two on the exhale. Then silently count 3 on the inhale and 4 on the exhale. Continue up to 10 or until you lose the count then return to one. No judgement. I sometimes end up at 18 then smile and return to 1. The idea is to focus on the breath and the counting and not get sucked into the anxiety or anger trigger. Also works to quiet the mind.

I have to watch what I eat because foods I eat can stabilize my moods or exaggerate them. For me protein is essential to mood stability. A high protein some naturally raise chicken or fish (mostly soy, yogurt, scrambled eggs (no flipping - i cut out some or all of yolk) low carb diet with snacks (roasted cashews, sauteed tofu) or meals every 3-4 hours will over time reduce my swings.

Other lifestyle changes that help me are doing yoga, exercises, mindfulness, calm music, and being active on Psych Central. These could raise your energy level but that may not be the problem. For me anger is a sign that something in my past is deeply troubling me. That directly affects my libido and interest in intimacy.

Some people find the forums give them the compassion and empathy they seek. http://forums.psychcentral.com

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.