[Katana]

I've been daydreaming almost constantly since maybe 2008. I have a few imaginary worlds in my head that I use to escape reality.

I've done it much more since graduating high school in 2010. I've rarely left the house since getting out of school because of my paranoia and fear.

In these worlds, I have alternate identities. The worlds almost always are a post-apocalyptic setting, and many things can trigger the daydreams. Music and TV shows always trigger it.

When I'm off in these worlds, I sometimes make the facial expressions and mimic the movements of the characters in my head. I only do that when I'm alone though. I even laugh or cry depending on what my characters are doing.

Maladaptive Daydreaming is like an addiction because it won't stop. I have to take sleeping pills because my mind keeps going with these worlds when I'm alone with my thoughts. Repetitive movements always accompany it, which in my case is walking in circles around the dining room table with my iPod in my hand, twirling the earbud wire.

I get angry when my daydreams are interrupted, and I often snap at my parents.

I was so worried about it because I didn't know what it was. I started searching online about daydreaming and discovered that many people with traumatic pasts, loneliness and depression also do this. Frankly, if I didn't do this I think I'd go insane from loneliness.

Does anyone else here do it, or know someone who does?

[FedUp&Bored]

Yes. I've been doing it off and on since I was 13, I am now 60. The primary daydream was an alternate world, alter-ego scenario. It wasn't until I analyzed the relationship between my alter-ego and the people I created in my world, that I could see that I was using it to try and figure out and deal with the people I knew in this world: i.e. problems with my mother. Once that happened, things began to change and I am mostly now in this world . Good luck.

You're also right about loneliness being a factor; also insecurity and lack of self-esteem.

[Bad_Wolf]

Originally Posted by Katana

I've been daydreaming almost constantly since maybe 2008. I have a few imaginary worlds in my head that I use to escape reality.

I've done it much more since graduating high school in 2010. I've rarely left the house since getting out of school because of my paranoia and fear.

In these worlds, I have alternate identities. The worlds almost always are a post-apocalyptic setting, and many things can trigger the daydreams. Music and TV shows always trigger it.

When I'm off in these worlds, I sometimes make the facial expressions and mimic the movements of the characters in my head. I only do that when I'm alone though. I even laugh or cry depending on what my characters are doing.

Maladaptive Daydreaming is like an addiction because it won't stop. I have to take sleeping pills because my mind keeps going with these worlds when I'm alone with my thoughts. Repetitive movements always accompany it, which in my case is walking in circles around the dining room table with my iPod in my hand, twirling the earbud wire.

I get angry when my daydreams are interrupted, and I often snap at my parents.

I was so worried about it because I didn't know what it was. I started searching online about daydreaming and discovered that many people with traumatic pasts, loneliness and depression also do this. Frankly, if I didn't do this I think I'd go insane from loneliness.

Does anyone else here do it, or know someone who does?

...I had no idea this was even a thing, but it sounds exactly like me. I could have written your post. All the way down to the post apocalyptic daydreams...frickin weird. And yeah, it pretty much eats up all of my brain space, I mimic the conversation without realizing....everything. Wow, thanks for exposing this condition. I've often wondered if I wasn't just Autistic or something and that's why I do it. And I mean, it straight occupies every single second of every day. I try to explain to ppl that I live in my head, but they don't seem to understand what I'm talking about. Good to know there's an actual condition, and I'm not alone. Sorry you're suffering though, hon.

[Dog on a Tree]

I think I do have some mild to moderate maladaptive daydreaming. It's like my brain wants to be in this state of mind alot or often?

[avlady]

i used to pace the floors all day and all night. after being hospitalized it went away after getting meds and a t. i was basically just very lonely.

[Katana]

I'm really glad to hear I'm not the only one. I was actually relieved when I discovered stories online about other people who do it. It's always nice to put a name to the symptoms you're experiencing. The scariest feeling is when you don't know what you have.

Mine is definitely due to loneliness. Since I don't have any friends, the other personalities I have that live in my worlds are the kind of people others look up to.

[Perna]

I was like you describe and finally had a breakdown in college when I was 20 and getting ready to graduate the next year and realized I'd have to go out into the "real" world. I was in therapy from then, 1970, until 2005. It took until 2002-3 or so to "fix" the daydreaming parts and truly get with this real world. I recommend you find a therapy and get to work trying to get back to this world as otherwise life will get much much more uncomfortable than living it is.

[Dog on a Tree]

You have this forum now. Use this forum as a support network for you. I'm sure you can make friends on here. It doesn't matter if you have friends online or in real life. What matters is the meaning and quality of those friendships.

[Eeno]

I have this issue; my source for it is a mixture of trauma, loneliness, childhood, and wonky mental wiring in general.

important piece of knowledge in MD is knowing the daydreaming is a coping mechanism in a sense...

however, I have seen/heard a few people in my college use this to their advantage by projecting these daydreams into artworks or literature.

[b0rn2befree]

I have the same issue, I can even say that I daydream 100% of the time, it doesn't stop even when I do things that requires concentration. When it does stop for a while,

Possible trigger:

all I can think about is suicide.

I want to find a way to use it to my advantage instead of it slowing me down, to bring the characters from the dream to my real life. It's OK that they are imaginary characters, I just want them to live here with me rather than me living there with them...

[Katana]

Originally Posted by b0rn2befree

I have the same issue, I can even say that I daydream 100% of the time, it doesn't stop even when I do things that requires concentration. When it does stop for a while,

Possible trigger:

all I can think about is suicide.

I want to find a way to use it to my advantage instead of it slowing me down, to bring the characters from the dream to my real life. It's OK that they are imaginary characters, I just want them to live here with me rather than me living there with them...

I am exactly like that. When I'm doing things like talking to my parents or even cleaning my rat cage, a huge part of my mind is off in my own world, and I can still focus on what my characters are doing. For instance, as I'm typing this I can feel the daydreaming part of my mind "calling" me, if that makes any sense. When I'm forced to come out of the world, such as when I'm talking to my psychiatrist, I'm hit with an overwhelming feeling of depression. I'd even go so far as to say I'm heartbroken when I'm forced to come back to this world, since I feel trapped in this body and mind and would love to be someone better. When I'm talking to my doctor I talk in a dull, monotonous voice because I'm so depressed that I have to be myself. I also stare at the ground wishing so badly I wasn't there. I told her and my former therapist about the daydreaming, but they acted like it's no big deal. My doctor tells me to "face my fear" by simply going to Walmart and forcing myself to interact with people.

You just can't do that with Selective Mutism. I'm supposed to be eased into it slowly, but she acts like I should just throw myself into a crowd of people and deal with it. That only results in SM freezing me completely and my body goes into lockdown mode where I can't speak or move and my heart's beating so fast it feels like it's about to explode. I feel helpless and exposed during those moments. It's cruel of her to put me through such terror. I already had to go through that every day of school, I don't want to go through it in my adulthood as well.

She isn't willing to help me and I just don't know what to do about it because every psychiatrist I've been to has acted the same. The truth is they know nothing about SM and don't want to admit it.

Sorry for the rant, but I just went to my doctor a few days ago and she behaved as she normally does, so I'm quite angry.

I've always described my feelings like this:

My body is like a prison and my eyes are like windows. I'm trapped inside looking out through those windows, wanting so badly to escape. The girl everybody sees when I'm in public is not me, she's Selective Mutism. I'm inside this prison struggling to get out so people can see my personality, but all they can see is the depressed, shy, socially awkward, expressionless shell that SM turns me into.

I once had a therapist who asked me why I talk about SM like it's a person. Nobody could possibly understand unless they have it, but it's like it is an entity with it's own personality, and it hijacks mine whenever it chooses.

[b0rn2befree]

Katana, do you think it's SM that is the main reason while you daydream? I'm autistic, so I can relate to this. I can interact with people and they don't even notice that something is wrong with me (my autism/Asperger is very mild), but each and every interaction is stressful to me. In the real world, I can never enjoy interacting with people, unless it's in writing. In the imaginary world, I actually connect with the characters.

[Katana]

Originally Posted by b0rn2befree

Katana, do you think it's SM that is the main reason while you daydream? I'm autistic, so I can relate to this. I can interact with people and they don't even notice that something is wrong with me (my autism/Asperger is very mild), but each and every interaction is stressful to me. In the real world, I can never enjoy interacting with people, unless it's in writing. In the imaginary world, I actually connect with the characters.

Yes, my SM has kept me locked away from people my whole life. Interacting with people in real life exhausts me, but in the imaginary world I really enjoy interacting with others. I also form strong emotional attachments to all the characters. In real life, though? I feel like an alien on a foreign planet, surrounded by these creatures (people) that I have no clue how to behave around!! My psychiatrist can't begin to understand what that's like.

I'm really jumpy around people and if someone approaches me or talks to me, I kind of move away. I don't mean actually taking steps, I mean slightly rocking back on my heels as far away as I can get. I also always, without even thinking about it, move to the opposite side of my parents to get away from people. We'll be going down an aisle and if someone is coming toward us I veer off to the side of my parents that nobody's on. Sometimes I'll do this in such a panic that I'll almost knock products off a wall if somebody suddenly comes from a side aisle or a blind spot and catches me off guard. It's like that rush of panic people feel when a very loud alarm goes off right next to their head.

Nobody understands it, they file it away by saying things like "She's shy." A common one when I was little was "She'll outgrow it." That turned out well... I'm 23 and I act the same way I acted as a little kid, minus the hiding under tables or growling and barking at people. I still get the urge to do that though, as horribly embarrassing as that is to say. I did that until my teenage years, then forced myself to stop, but it's definitely still there. I think I developed that weird defense mechanism when I was a little girl in kindergarten, playing house with the other kids. I always had to be the dog, because I didn't have to talk. I guess the habit stuck. I actually had a panic attack in eighth grade where I hid in a corner growling at my teachers, even baring my teeth at them. It was all because I was scared to death of going to gym that day. SM wouldn't allow me to talk, so I growled. The school called my mom who came and took me home, and she was terribly embarrassed.

In my daydreams, my character doesn't have SM or anything else. It's just sad that I can't really be her. I honestly think I have something besides just SM. I had a therapist who also told me that, but my dad's insurance started refusing to cover the costs of going to see her, so we had to stop. That still enrages me, because she seemed really willing to help. She also never came after us about the payments, even though the insurance never paid her, and that was 2012 I think.

[FedUp&Bored]

Originally Posted by Katana

I am exactly like that. When I'm doing things like talking to my parents or even cleaning my rat cage, a huge part of my mind is off in my own world, and I can still focus on what my characters are doing. For instance, as I'm typing this I can feel the daydreaming part of my mind "calling" me, if that makes any sense. When I'm forced to come out of the world, such as when I'm talking to my psychiatrist, I'm hit with an overwhelming feeling of depression. I'd even go so far as to say I'm heartbroken when I'm forced to come back to this world, since I feel trapped in this body and mind and would love to be someone better. When I'm talking to my doctor I talk in a dull, monotonous voice because I'm so depressed that I have to be myself. I also stare at the ground wishing so badly I wasn't there. I told her and my former therapist about the daydreaming, but they acted like it's no big deal. My doctor tells me to "face my fear" by simply going to Walmart and forcing myself to interact with people.

You just can't do that with Selective Mutism. I'm supposed to be eased into it slowly, but she acts like I should just throw myself into a crowd of people and deal with it. That only results in SM freezing me completely and my body goes into lockdown mode where I can't speak or move and my heart's beating so fast it feels like it's about to explode. I feel helpless and exposed during those moments. It's cruel of her to put me through such terror. I already had to go through that every day of school, I don't want to go through it in my adulthood as well.

She isn't willing to help me and I just don't know what to do about it because every psychiatrist I've been to has acted the same. The truth is they know nothing about SM and don't want to admit it.

Sorry for the rant, but I just went to my doctor a few days ago and she behaved as she normally does, so I'm quite angry.

I've always described my feelings like this:

My body is like a prison and my eyes are like windows. I'm trapped inside looking out through those windows, wanting so badly to escape. The girl everybody sees when I'm in public is not me, she's Selective Mutism. I'm inside this prison struggling to get out so people can see my personality, but all they can see is the depressed, shy, socially awkward, expressionless shell that SM turns me into.

I once had a therapist who asked me why I talk about SM like it's a person. Nobody could possibly understand unless they have it, but it's like it is an entity with it's own personality, and it hijacks mine whenever it chooses.

I wish YOU love.