[Selfconsciousness]

I have one disorder - Paranoid Schizoid.

I want this clarified, My thoughts are way out there, when i do get thoughts though (after i quit medicines)

I Am afraid of making an impact on other peoples mental state, i have not had an impact on other people in my life, but for instance on forums, because i judge or think that other people has a mindset that is closed and therefore cannot comprehend dangers of insane thoughts, that is disturbing their point of view on beliefs of reality, and existence. I am afraid other people would go nuts if they had my thoughts, and i feel a spread fear.

It can be theories that i have thought of, it can be things that i am scared of, or it can be just a feeling of spreading fear on forums, but also in real life i am thinking a third time, before asking a question or replying.

it is not afraid of rejection, cause i can handle an argument.

When i say i do not think, i see myself more as an observer, i can look and observe the city from where i live, without any thoughts, (neither talking to a higher being like i did on medicines)

Another thing i have noticed with paranoid schizoid:

I do not know if it is the medicines doing this, but i have been through alot of medicines, since the beginning of the last 2 medicine preparations i have been given, i have gotten thoughts, i am either talking to a god, or talking to insects, building my own story to find my one and only (thats what i did when i was on it) now i am not on it anymore.

Again i have a thought of planting fear in other people just telling the above: THIS IS MY VIEW OKAY.

I said from day 1 I do not want medicines, mainly because i felt i had been in that exact mental hospital sometimes with the exact same people, dejavu of me fighting real demon illusions, and dejavu of me having powerful emotions, and dejavu of me simply meeting the same people, where i in the end in my "dejavu" ended up clearing myself from myself. like a past life memory. None of it happended, it was pure thoughts, fun, feelings, but i never saw something that was not there, i never heard voices, it was basicly just me thinking twice

and i personally think medicines was the demons for me. not me. and i am afraid to say it because of the dejavu of what happended last time.

Do i have other disorders?

[festidump]

I'm scared to talk but not through fear but through embarrassment and being fed up of being called a crazy lady. I do have one friend who I work with who has battled depression so I try to remain. Upbeat all the time for her however I'm feeling so I get you, I don't want to spread my fear.

By bottling things up tho it can't be healthy for you, you aren't responsible for others state of mind and you need someone to confide in. Good luck!