[Artesh]

Hello

I am 21 years old male from Poland. I may not be understood because my problems do not fit well into the established diagnostic criteria of mental ilnesses.

A brief introduction - I was born prematurely in 7th month, suffered from retinopathy and as a result I have impaired eyesight (had surgery as an infant). i have no history of mental health problems in my family except for paternal grandmother who had a lifelong history of severe hypochondria and probably depression (in her life she worekd for about 5 years and basically spent her entire life at home lying in bed and rarely even going outside).

So what's the issue? Everything was fine with my mind until the age of 13 when a few days after completing 6th grade I had a severe onslaught of depression mixed with anxiety that striked me literally a few minutes after waking up and the entire episode lasted for 2 months. It was literally a nightmare - severe depression mixed with anxiety (I used to feel this way a couple times as a little kid but it lasted only for a few seconds). In addition I had a weird feeling that I don't really "understand" various things like meanings of words etc. Like I said after 2 months everything went back to normal but I had an impression that the episode had left a mark on my cognition.

Fast forward to late 2010-early 2011 - two episodes like the one in 2007 within a few months of each other with basically the same symptoms - massive depression/anxiety with a feeling that I don't "understand" various things. But instead of 2 months everything lasted for over half a year until anxiety disappeared completely. But here the real problem come -the two depressive episodes have left me literally unable to feel emotions. I can recognize emotions in others and I even laugh but I simply don't have the "feel" of emotions - every moment feels literally the same. Because of that it was harder for me to study in high school (math was particularily hard) because I no longer had the ability to grasp it intuitively as I used to.

I am sure not all parts of my brain are working in a wrong way as I certainly can write in a foreign language like a native speaker (and this post is the proof) but I am looking for help neverthless.

[kaliope]

hi artesh
i am not certain what this would be but it is some sort of mood disturbance. if you really want help understanding, consulting with a professional is your best bet. welcome to psych central. you will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome

[*Laurie*]

Hello Artesh, and welcome. Have you spoken with a doctor about the problems you're having?

[CANDC]

Hi Artesh, Welcome to Psych Central (PC). I am sorry you have suffered from mood swings and depression. As others have suggested professional help is good first choice. If not an option, then check out the lifestyle changes at the end of the post. You could be suffering from emotions that you find hard to process and keep them buried as much as possible.

Glad you have joined our community.Many people here at PC find they can share these feelings and what they are going through with the confidence that people go through similar things and can empathize. So many forums are offered as well as Chatrooms (after you have 5 posts or comments on others posts). Depression chat meets on Thursday night at 9pm EST and Anxiety Wednesday at 8PM.

You can also be an active member in other ways like supporting others in their questions, reading articles and posts http://forums.psychcentral.com that are applicable to your area of concern.

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

There are life style changes that can give some relief that I have tried. These are not remedies but things that help me cope.

Diet can have an affect on how we feel. I have to watch what I eat because foods I eat can stabilize my moods or exaggerate them. A high protein low carb diet with snacks or meals every 3-4 hours will over time reduce my swings. I also avoid alcohol and recreational drugs because those can really increase depression.

Here is what I use when my head gets over crammed with thoughts. Breathe in a natural way. Silently count one on the inhale and 2 on the exhale. 3 on the inhale and 4 on the exhale. Continue up to 10 then go back to 1. This helps me focus on breathing rather than the wall of thoughts.

Other lifestyle changes that help me are doing yoga, exercises, mindfulness, calm music, and being active on Psych Central.

Hello, Artesh. I live in the US, so I'll say what I think would be the right thing to do in our medical system. You will have to figure out how that translates to the medical system in your country.

Here, you would first go to see your primary care physician. You probably would be sent to have psychological and neurocognitive testing done and probably also to see a neurologist.

That is my best understanding of what route to take to try to find out what is going on. The way you have described your symptoms make it sound as though there is certainly a medical basis for them, and that you are not suffering from the usual type of depression.

I am not a medical doctor, so that is just my best guess. I wish you good luck in trying to find out what is wrong and how to deal with it.

[Angelwngs25]

Artesh,
I just wanted to say welcome to the forums. I'm sure you will like it here. There are a lot of smart and supportive people here. Of course, you will meet a very rare amount of unsupportive people here. I have run into a few myself. I have been here since Feb 6, 2015 so I'm kinda a newbie myself, but I am on here a lot posting and replying to topics.

P.S. If you have any questions please don't hesitate to contact me. I know quite a bit about these forums. I am on here literally every day.

[Fuzzybear]

[Artesh]

My problem is not depression. The last time I felt really deppressed was almost 4 years ago. My problem is that these depressive episodes have rendered me nearly incapable of feeling emotions and therefore, deprived me of a part of my cognitive abilities (it is harder to imagine things etc.) as well as a major component of what makes life enjoyable -

When I was a kid/early teen I had a sharp mind, and even though I always disliked school I was always in the top 5 of the smartest students in the class. Now I am am a shadow of what I could've become, can do nothing about it and I will probably remain that way forever or at least fot the next 2-3 decades until efficient brain engineering is developed.

[*Laurie*]

Artesh, cognitive difficulties and emotional blunting can be signs of depression or other mental health issues. I do hope you talk with a doctor about the stuff you are experiencing.

My problem is not depression.

That's why I suggested neurocognitive testing.

[Artesh]

Can these tests be done in conjunction with brain imaging?

[Tauren]

Information on neurocognitive testing:
What is neurocognitive testing - Kentucky Neuroscience Institute | UK HealthCare

What you are describing could definitely be symptoms of depression but they could be something else too.

Many people don't feel "depressed" when they have depression. A lot just feel numb. I felt angry all the time.