[helpmakingchanges]

Want is a need vs. a want? Do I need new glasses? or do I just want new glasses. How does the fact that it's been 7 years since my last pair figure into this? Does it matter that I feel guilty when I spend money, that I've been struggling with employment since graduating from college 7 years ago. Does it matter that things are blurry? Should I just deal with it. What about my "mattress"? The $10 piece of foam I've been sleeping on for the past year and a half. Is that a need or a want. Is it a matter self-care or is it a matter of excessive spending? What about my clothes that don't fit quite right and have holes in them. Need or want? How do I face the guilt of buying new things when I've got so much student loan debt that it feel I'll never get out. How do I look for a new job that could be a step up from my two low wage jobs. Is sleep a need or a want. I dread the switch days. Working one job in the morning, sleeping for a few hours then going to my night shift job. It's hard on my body. I switch from day schedule to night schedule twice a week. Do I need a new job or just want a new job? I think I need a new winter jacket and winter clothes, so I can stay warm and comfortable during the winter. But I feel guilty when I think of buying these things. I have about 10 years of college education. I have skills I can put to use to find a new job, but I'm running around putting out little fires. The guilt from spending money, the depression, the trying but not seeing results. My self efficacy is low.

[kaliope]

the guilt you are feeling about spending money, perhaps self worth, are preventing you from seeing your needs. when it is about your health and welfare, then it is a need. eye exams are recommended once a year. you shouldnt go more than two years. if your prescription changes, it is a need. if it is about the money, zennioptical.com has glasses starting at 6.95 plus 4.95 s&h and they have never failed me. i get my bifocals there for about 40 bucks instead of 2-300 at the store. if your clothes are ill fitting and holey, this reduces your self-esteem. you need new clothes. employers and others will hold you in higher respect. working two jobs puts a lot of stress on you, especially if you are over qualified. getting a job at your educational level that better fits your schedule is better for your emotional, mental and physical health. this is a need. the mattress? is the foam enough? are you waking well rested? does your body hurt? do you have problems sleeping on it? if it is negatively impacting your sleep, then you need a new mattress. if not, then it is sufficient. but it is not like you have to go out and buy an 800 dollar mattress. I paid 75 dollars for a nice antique bed that came with a very nice mattress and box spring on craigs list. winter apparal....you said it....you need it to stay warm in the winter....you need it.....but do you need to buy it at expensive department stores??? no....if you shop around, there are cheaper ways to get everything. you can find very nice things at thrift stores. the new tv i bought, did i need it? everybody has flat screens. mine was from the 90's. it worked just fine even though i had to buy special hook ups for it. no i did not need that. i had a tv that worked. it is about taking care of yourself. you are worth it. figure out why you think you arent. take care.

I would consider anything that contributes to your good health and happiness and anything that helps you perform on your job a need. Sure, things like glasses and a mattress or clothes that don't have holes in them might not be as important as say, food or water, but they should still be considered a priority.

I would recommend finding a way to either bury or eliminate your guilt as it's going to do nothing more than hold you back from happiness and health.

Finally, if you're struggling financially, than getting a job that pays well and isn't hard on your health should be a priority. Take care of you first.

You're important and you deserve to meet your needs. Don't let anybody or anything convince you otherwise.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by helpmakingchanges

Want is a need vs. a want? Do I need new glasses? or do I just want new glasses. How does the fact that it's been 7 years since my last pair figure into this? Does it matter that I feel guilty when I spend money, that I've been struggling with employment since graduating from college 7 years ago. Does it matter that things are blurry? Should I just deal with it. What about my "mattress"? The $10 piece of foam I've been sleeping on for the past year and a half. Is that a need or a want. Is it a matter self-care or is it a matter of excessive spending? What about my clothes that don't fit quite right and have holes in them. Need or want? How do I face the guilt of buying new things when I've got so much student loan debt that it feel I'll never get out. How do I look for a new job that could be a step up from my two low wage jobs. Is sleep a need or a want. I dread the switch days. Working one job in the morning, sleeping for a few hours then going to my night shift job. It's hard on my body. I switch from day schedule to night schedule twice a week. Do I need a new job or just want a new job? I think I need a new winter jacket and winter clothes, so I can stay warm and comfortable during the winter. But I feel guilty when I think of buying these things. I have about 10 years of college education. I have skills I can put to use to find a new job, but I'm running around putting out little fires. The guilt from spending money, the depression, the trying but not seeing results. My self efficacy is low.

tip student loans can be deferred. just contact the loan company and ask them to send you a deferment application. fill in the application, some parts of it may have where a treatment provider must fill it in. if so take it to your treatment provider so they can fill it in. once its completed you mail it in to the loan company. the loan company will look over the application and see if you fit the criteria for their deferment plan. if its through Sallie Mae you might even qualify for a permanent deferment meaning you dont have to pay it back. it gets wrote off and you go on with your life.

how to tell when something is a need vs a want... a need is something that you have to have in order to have the best health and life you can have...food clothing shelter, meds.... for some people yes glasses and other aids so that they can see clearly hear clearly walk, be mobile.

for me my contacts and a good mattress are a necessity. with out my contacts\glasses I run the risk of going blind in other words doing more harm to myself, and because of having MS I need a special mattress in order to be able to function to the best of my abilities for example with out the rising feature on my bed and a mattress that fits this criteria I would be bed ridden. I nether want nor need to be bedridden when I am fully capable of living a full and productive lifestyle of working and taking care of myself and my family.

we cant tell you why or how come you feel guilty only you can say how and why you are feeling the way you are feeling.

my suggestion is sit down and write about the pros and cons and whether you can live with things the way they are or whether you would like to better your life through the use of new glasses and new mattress.

Another suggestion maybe you can contact community organizations. sometimes community organizations and churches can help people to get things like glasses, clothing, furniture at little to no cost depending upon the situation.

[(JD)]

Generally things that help your health is a need. Glasses? If you've had eye exams and don't need a change, then it's a want that you have for new frames? If you haven't had an exam, it may be you do need new glasses, and surely need your eyes checked!

Needs are food, water, shelter, love, purpose.... those are basic needs. Then those things which prevent poor health or enhance good health, those could be needs too.

No reason for guilt! Eye wear is very popular these days... and if you have a frumpy looking pair (not in any style of today) then it could also be affecting your mental health, and if a new pair would help you have a better outlook on life (pun intended) then do it.

I think you do NEED to make a list of PRIORITIES.

It's always easier to find a new job when you already have an old one...if it's bugging you (the old job) and you might end up quitting or losing it NOW is the time to find a new one. (Or evaluate if you are just bored with it and can add spice to your life in the avocation area, rather than changing vocations?)

I love to read a post that lets me recommend Jerrold Mundis's books. He is a no-nonsense guy. He founded the 12-step group Debtors Anonymous. He writes about having a healthy relationship with money in general, though, not just about debt and compulsive spending. By nature, I tend towards the overspending end of the spectrum. When I starting reading Jerrold Mundis, I was surprised to learn that not spending enough money is also considered unhealthy.

He has some very good things to say about not sabotaging your life and happiness in order to pay back debt faster.

The first book I've recommended has great tips for how to make a spending plan (budget).

How to Get Out of Debt, Stay Out of Debt, and Live Prosperously: Based on the Proven Principles and Techniques of Debtors Anonymous by Jerrold Mundis

Earn What You Deserve: How To Stop Underearning and Start Thriving by Jerrold Mundis

If you don't want to buy them and can't find them at a library, you can always go to a bookstore and look at them.

[Tauren]

It sounds like you don't think you deserve to be comfortable.