[coldwut]

I think I pretty much just started to abuse drugs. I took some aspirin yesterday and today because a relative basically said that people like me (people with psychosis) turn out to be mass murderers because the last people that shot up schools were mentally ill, and that mentally ill people who were abused become abusers themselves.

I tried telling her that mentally ill people are more likely to be abused and that's when she said that they turn to be abusers themselves and that it's a lot of them that do and that prison is made up of 75% of them.

Possible trigger:

So, hey why not just become a drug abuser. I couldn't cut myself so I just took a whole bunch of pills. I mean I already started doing it once in a while so why not do it often. I guess it's either that or hurting others because that's what people like me are fated to do.

I already know I'm a terrible person and I'm even more terrible and weak for turning to pills to fix my problems.

Originally Posted by coldwut

I think I pretty much just started to abuse drugs. I took some aspirin yesterday and today because a relative basically said that people like me (people with psychosis) turn out to be mass murderers because the last people that shot up schools were mentally ill, and that mentally ill people who were abused become abusers themselves.

I tried telling her that mentally ill people are more likely to be abused and that's when she said that they turn to be abusers themselves and that it's a lot of them that do and that prison is made up of 75% of them.

Possible trigger:

So, hey why not just become a drug abuser. I couldn't cut myself so I just took a whole bunch of pills. I mean I already started doing it once in a while so why not do it often. I guess it's either that or hurting others because that's what people like me are fated to do.

I already know I'm a terrible person and I'm even more terrible and weak for turning to pills to fix my problems.

From what you have written it doesn't sound to me like you're a terrible person coldwut.

It sounds like you were triggered by someone saying something very generalised and ill-informed about people who have psychosis. I think many people would have been offended and upset by her statement.

I don't have experience of taking aspirin as self abuse, but I do know taking aspirin outside the dosage recommendations can be dangerous to your health. If you took more than you should please get medical help.

[linbap]

Oh, Coldwut! Be kind to yourself! There are people everywhere who say/do/believe stupid, hurtful things. Try to recognize them early in a conversation and either change the subject or end the conversation al together. The most outspoken people frequently are the least informed and trying to educate them is a waste of your time. You don't have to discuss your own illness with anyone you don't want to. You don't owe it to them and the chances of changing their mind is pretty slim. Just give yourself a mental hug and get away from them. It's easy to get sucked into a conversation with someone who has based their beliefs of you, your life, your illness, whatever on some cockeyed thinking, but as soon as you realize they have no clue, stop the conversation. You will never educate them and what they think should have no effect on you at all!

[coldwut]

Originally Posted by prefabsprout

From what you have written it doesn't sound to me like you're a terrible person coldwut.

It sounds like you were triggered by someone saying something very generalised and ill-informed about people who have psychosis. I think many people would have been offended and upset by her statement.

I don't have experience of taking aspirin as self abuse, but I do know taking aspirin outside the dosage recommendations can be dangerous to your health. If you took more than you should please get medical help.

I did take more than I should have but it wasn't enough to kill me, just made me feel ill. I'm feeling better after sleeping it off. I won't take any more though.

[*Laurie*]

I agree with prefabsprout. I truly don't believe you're a bad person, coldwut...I do believe you;re a sensitive person, which is wonderful and hard sometimes. I DO believe your relative's comment came from a place of ignorance and fear. I'm sorry that comment upset you.

[Serzen]

You're not going to solve anything by abusing drugs. You will turn your life into hell.

But coming here means you're willing to receive help. Don't give up.

Your relative is little more than an insensitive fool. Mental illness is far from the black and white subject that your relative makes it out to be. There are many factors to consider here and anybody who tries to say that you're a bad person for having a mental illness has little more intelligence than a monkey and is therefore, not worth your time or energy.

As far as the whole "hurt or be hurt" topic, I've been faced with this issue myself more times than I care to admit. I can't tell you how many times I've had to force myself to not screw people over to get ahead in life or become an abuser just to get the love or happiness that I so desperately crave out of others in order to compensate for my weaknesses and inability to trust. I've also gone through many inner debates about focusing solely on making money thinking it would buy me happiness and love. I have more experience with this subject than many.

The fact that you are using pills rather than hurting others to ease your own pain proves that you are far from a terrible person. In fact, I would argue that being this way makes you better than most in many ways.

Hopefully you find some happiness in your life soon.

[MiddayNap]

Originally Posted by coldwut

I think I pretty much just started to abuse drugs. I took some aspirin yesterday and today because a relative basically said that people like me (people with psychosis) turn out to be mass murderers because the last people that shot up schools were mentally ill, and that mentally ill people who were abused become abusers themselves.

I tried telling her that mentally ill people are more likely to be abused and that's when she said that they turn to be abusers themselves and that it's a lot of them that do and that prison is made up of 75% of them.

Possible trigger:

So, hey why not just become a drug abuser. I couldn't cut myself so I just took a whole bunch of pills. I mean I already started doing it once in a while so why not do it often. I guess it's either that or hurting others because that's what people like me are fated to do.

I already know I'm a terrible person and I'm even more terrible and weak for turning to pills to fix my problems.

When it comes to addiction, there seems to be a never-ending cycle, doesn't there? You drink, for instance, to escape from a certain situation or state of mind, then once you've sobered up and are face-to-face with the shame and guilt of coping in such a destructive way, drink to escape from that.
The media paints people who turn to drugs as a way to cope with difficult environments-internal and external-as despicable, criminal scum which society must charitably give their condescension and pity.
It seems to me that you turned to aspirin because there didn't seem to be anyone else to turn to. I imagine you are already feeling rather frightened and isolated by your diagnosis; your family's ignorant remarks only exacerbated the issue. I also think it safe to assume you want attention, based upon the fact that you brought attention to your problem in such a public matter. And this is not a bad thing-we're all here because we want some form of attention. It simply means you need reassurance and a place to talk about your experience. That is the best combatant to an addiction. Support.
Also, please do not hold too much animosity towards your family's ignorant remarks. The media uses fear to manipulate the population and keep them from thinking. Fear of the unusual, the faraway, and the unknown. Psychosis is indeed a foreign, frightening thing. Even more frightening when it's not foreign. At their worst they are violent lunatics barking at the moon as they rip the face off an innocent; at their best they are pitiable rodents doomed to live in boxes and alleyways. I am not saying these things don't happen, just that if that is all the media portrays of the mentally ill, that is what society will associate the mentally ill with. And those who do arrive at such fates probably wouldn't have, had they been provided the proper care.
The best combatant to ignorance is knowledge. Educate them on the difference between a psychotic and a psychopath.
Because I believe the latter is more likely to commit mass murder.
I wish you the best.

[coldwut]

I'm not really sure if it counts as an addiction or not because I know when to stop and I do stop. It can easily become one though if I'm not careful.

My family doesn't know about my psychosis, or other problems, save for a few family members that do. The person who made that comment doesn't know about my problems. Hell, she didn't know that I was having problems when I got diagnosed with ADHD and anxiety. I just seem so well put together. I just don't talk about how I'm feeling a lot of the time.

Those words also hurt because I know about the mistreatment of mentally ill people, especially ones with stigmatized illnesses. I know how people's misconceptions can lead to mistreatment, and I know about people who were hurt because of people's misconceptions.

Thanks for the responses everyone.

[Fuzzybear]