[sweetmadness]

That's probably a good thing, but is actually just an acknowledgement of something that should have happened ten years ago. I should have been given proper care in the hospital, not abused and overmedicated. I dont state the word abuse light, this was extreme abuse.

How do I think or rationalize the relationship with my parents. A retired crazy activist mom and a selfless dad who really wanted to put faith into the establishment that ruined me ie PSYCHIATRY... I didnt just fall through a crack I was cracked in the time warp seriously...am I in denial? Did I really seem to be having paranoid schizophrenia when I was fifteen, or was that an excuse.

Now my new psychiatrist at a different practice underscores: too many labels! He's Indian I think. I really like him and I don't want to switch back over. He is better than any other doctors I have had so far and I've had a few. But all of them so patronizing, he may be a little direct but he doesn't patronize me. He knows I have been abused. I think it must be obvious to him and he must care.

That makes me feel better. I was always confused. I resisted a medicated existence for so much of that time, 16-26. That is ten years for an illness I should have not had. I faked an episode so I could escape bullying in boarding school. I was ashamed and embarrassed. There was a rumor at school that something happened, but whatever that means at this point. It just hurts I am always the target and I just want to ****ing live my full potential and it just keeps getting ****ing taken from me all the time and I dont want to fit in and I dont want a 9-5 job for a society that once deemed me a reject and created this condition!

This is how I clash with everyone. It started with abuse and ended with a label to justify it. Bipolar doesn't justify it. I don't ****ing know what's wrong with me!!!

[Nammu]

Therapy, CBT helped me a lot with the abusers I had. Have they ever mentioned PTSD?

[sweetmadness]

PTSD was mentioned once. My mom has ongoing psychosis so I probably do have some form of a psychotic illness just not severe as before.

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[Fuzzybear]

[Tauren]

I just read Hallucinations by Oliver Sacks, and he describes an experiment where volunteeers told doctors they were hearing voices, and with no other symptoms they were diagnosed schizophrenic and hospitalized, even though hearing voices is actually really common and schizophrenia is rare. I'm generally a fan of psychiatry because I'd be in big trouble without my meds, but there are way too many doctors out there just half-assing it.