[The Madcap]

Hello everyone. I have a really big question. and a long story, so if you don't want to read it, then its okay. I'm 19 years old. I really don't want to be stuck up. But for the most part, I'm a kind, respectful person. I can be pretty shy, but since I met my girlfriend, I haven't been as shy. Lets start with some Medical health history. When I was a kid (around 7 years old) One of my teachers told my mom that I wouldn't pay attention in class and that my mom should check me into a doctor to see if I had ADD/ADHD. My mom didn't want to, and blamed it on lack of sleep. In 5th Grade, I would always be drawing and never paid attention in class. My teacher had to talk to my mom, yet my mom still didn't do anything about it. During 7th grade, I had to be put into a Study Hall class, all the way until 12th grade. A lot of Drama went on during my teen years (10th grade mostly) My ex girlfriend cheated on me, emotionally abused me, we were at each others throats. this was a long distance relationship. I threatened to kill myself. I would always (and still, but not as much) get into fights with my mom. In 10th grade I would randomly get depressed and irritable (could be because I was listening to Pink Floyd) And didn't want to be around my friends at school, and would always get irritable and lash out if someone interrupted me while I was listening to my music. Actueally, during class, I was turning my phone off, and the teacher told me to put it away, and everyone of my classmates were staring at me, and I got pissed off, got up, called a girl a ***** and stormed out of the room. they called an SRO (School Resource officer) I HATE, I mean HATE, being humiliated. I get so angry. I was eating on these steps with my NEW girlfriend. This was 11th grade, and the principle came up to me and told me that we couldn't eat up there and I said "okay, sorry" and went to throw my food into the garbage. My hair was covering my eyes and he said "Look at me when you talk." in a stern voice. I felt myself getting angry, and I could tell that everyone was watching. Or at least in my mind. I told the Principle "Fu*ck you!" And he said "What did you say??!" and started lecturing me, and I felt even more angry. My girlfriend told him to back off and leave me alone. I get jealous and irritable really easily, and I feel anxious in public. I feel like people are watching me and staring at me. At school, I was the quiet kid that no one liked. Sometimes I had suicidal tendencies, but never acted on them. Also, sometimes when I'm talking to my girlfriend, trying to tell her something, she will half listen and be really distracted with something (like playing with her dog and saying its name and stuff) and it irritates the fu*ck out of me. Don't get the wrong impression, I treat my girlfriend like a queen. We will be going on 2 years this 28th. I don't abuse my girlfriend mentally or emotionally, and I am there for her 24/7 when she is having a bad day. Anyway, My main thing is, Today my girlfriend and I had a double date with her best friend, and her new boyfriend. My girlfriend and her friend took a picture and I got really irritated because I wasn't in it and I felt really ignored. I HATE being ignored. Can't stand it. Also I was about to play on a piano but my girlfriend told me not to because her sister was sleeping and I got irritated (because she said that in front of her friend and her boyfriend and I felt embarrassed) When someone else is getting praised, I feel awkward and jealous, but when I'm getting praised, I don't know how to handle it and get shy and it only lasts a few seconds. Anyway, sometimes little things, like being ignored can make me feel depressed and irritable. Sometimes I'll be depressed and irritable all day over something, sometimes it'll only last until I resolve it with someone. I'm always anxious to go to my girlfriends facebook page. I don't know why. I'm afraid a guy will be flirting with her or something. I always feel anxious. Sometimes when I'm really in the creative mood i'll talk fast and all these ideas will be in my head, because I like to write songs and books. When I'm depressed or irritable , things either seems slow or fast and i'll be horny and feel like Anything can set me off. I smoke pot SOMETIMES and it seems to be the best medication. Smoking 1 hit makes me feel happy and not really anxious. Its not lack of pot however, because I've felt irritable and stuff before I even started smoking it. When I listen to bands like nirvana, I want to let my anger out and just smash sh*it and be angry. Anyway, sorry guys for all the venting. But Is any of this normal? Or am I suffering from something? I'm 19 by the way.

You're still dealing with teenage hormones and childish behaviour. Therapy may be helpful. Have you got someone to talk to?

[The Madcap]

Originally Posted by Supanova

You're still dealing with teenage hormones and childish behaviour. Therapy may be helpful. Have you got someone to talk to?

No I have no one to talk to. I've wanted a therapist but my mom and step dad have never gotten me one. The Thing is, Anxiety runs in my family. My real dad has bad anxiety, my grandma has anxiety and has to take meds, My great grandma had anxiety..so yeah

[Nike007]

I'm no professional at all, so if you want to know exactly what you have, you need to go see a professional.

So, in my opinion, it sounds like social anxiety with depression. A few questions though. When you were a kid, were you not paying attention because it was too boring because you already knew the material, or because you were anxious and worrying about your thoughts, or for no reason at all?

Also, do you outburst into anger only when humiliated or when someone talks back to you, both? Do you always talk back to authority figure or is that because of being humiliated? Sorry if this is badly worded.

Did you act like this before your girlfriend in grade 10 whom you said emotionally abused you, or was this an always thing? Have you had anxiety because of the abuse or unknown? Again, no professional, so you should tell this to someone.

Do you have weeks that you feel on top of the world, like you are the best person on the entire planet, do things spontaneous that you wouldn't do normally (like spend too much money), do you start like a million projects but never finish them during this time?

Are your episodes of depression periodic or all the time? Do you feel worthless, too little/much sleep, eating too much/little, feeling guilty, not feeling like doing anything and stay in bed 24/7?

Sorry for so many questions, but... yep.

Also, do you feel like you always need to be in a relationship if one ends, and before one ends, you always try to make them stay with you because you fear abandonment? Does your mood change frequently throughout the day?

Anyways, maybe this will help you understand some more things. Maybe look up the conditions you listed in the title? Maybe that will help.

Also, do you feel like you aren't paying attention to anything, feel like you are driven by a motor, distracted by external or internal stimuli, interrupt people often, forget things all the time, lack organization, procrastinate until it's too late, can't sit still, and/or talk excessively?

Hope this helps .

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If you're 19 why dont you get a therapist yourself? 18 is old enough right?

Originally Posted by The Madcap

In 10th grade I would randomly get depressed and irritable (could be because I was listening to Pink Floyd)

There's Cold War rumors that the (U.S.) Navy tried playing Floyd against Soviet submarine crews through a network of underwater transmitters at subliminal volumes in the Pacific but test subjects were measurably neither depressed nor irritable. Roger Waters has meningitis, and your hanging your tenth grade angst on Pink Floyd is just kicking him when he's down.

[The Madcap]

Originally Posted by Nike007

I'm no professional at all, so if you want to know exactly what you have, you need to go see a professional.

So, in my opinion, it sounds like social anxiety with depression. A few questions though. When you were a kid, were you not paying attention because it was too boring because you already knew the material, or because you were anxious and worrying about your thoughts, or for no reason at all?

Also, do you outburst into anger only when humiliated or when someone talks back to you, both? Do you always talk back to authority figure or is that because of being humiliated? Sorry if this is badly worded.

Did you act like this before your girlfriend in grade 10 whom you said emotionally abused you, or was this an always thing? Have you had anxiety because of the abuse or unknown? Again, no professional, so you should tell this to someone.

Do you have weeks that you feel on top of the world, like you are the best person on the entire planet, do things spontaneous that you wouldn't do normally (like spend too much money), do you start like a million projects but never finish them during this time?

Are your episodes of depression periodic or all the time? Do you feel worthless, too little/much sleep, eating too much/little, feeling guilty, not feeling like doing anything and stay in bed 24/7?

Sorry for so many questions, but... yep.

Also, do you feel like you always need to be in a relationship if one ends, and before one ends, you always try to make them stay with you because you fear abandonment? Does your mood change frequently throughout the day?

Anyways, maybe this will help you understand some more things. Maybe look up the conditions you listed in the title? Maybe that will help.

Also, do you feel like you aren't paying attention to anything, feel like you are driven by a motor, distracted by external or internal stimuli, interrupt people often, forget things all the time, lack organization, procrastinate until it's too late, can't sit still, and/or talk excessively?

Hope this helps .

Sent from my SGH-I747M using Tapatalk

So i'll answer as many questions as I can. When I was a kid, The reason I didn't pay attention was because It was really hard to understand and really boring and I got distracted with other things. And for the second one. It is usually both. When I'm humiliated and talked back to. For the ex girlfriend in 10th grade. I had always had social anxiety, but I was never really majorly depressed, angry, before her. And when I got into a relastionship with my former girlfriend, I felt anxious that she would hurt me like my ex. the fourth question. Sometimes I feel really good and attractive and confident, and then sometimes I feel depressed, hopeless and feel ugly and irritable. And I do get creative sometimes and do change my goals in life. (one moment I want to be a song writer, then an author then a Youtuber) And yeah, for the 5th one, I have been feeling depressed and anxious and irritable and hopeless for the past few days and feel guilty for being lazy. And I useally don't get much sleep but that could be because of my phone. And Yeah, with my last girlfriend I didn't want her to leave me, and now for my current girlfriend whenever we get into arguments, I try to reason with her because I hate getting into fights and I'm afraid she will leave me for another guy and I can't stand being left. And the last one, yeah I really do. I feel sometimes like there are so many thoughts in my head. Both creative thoughts and paranoid thoughts. (no voices. I'm not schizophrenic)