[Cyndex]

My name is Seth, and I'm 21 years old.

I guess I should start at the beginning. I got kicked out of high school for missing too much class. This, for the most part, was due to my skipping because I had started getting extreme anxiety. If I was late, or sometimes just at random, I'd start getting anxious and uncomfortable, so most of the time I'd just go out to my car and leave.
After getting kicked out, I was enrolled at an alternative school nearby, but that didn't last very long either. The principal talked to me and my mom, and we figured I'd be better off trying to get my GED. (since I was alone and didn't have any friends or anything)
This accumulated in me signing up to take a test to see which subjects I still needed to take classes on before I could take the official test, however when test day came around I got really anxious, had a panic attack, and haven't been back since. That was about 2 years ago.

Since then, I've lived with my great aunt and uncle. (my mom's aunt and her husband) I don't have any friends, and I don't really hang out with my family or interact with anyone all that much. There are days when I can barely make it out of my room, let alone go outside.
Recently, my mom got me an appointment with a psychologist. He diagnosed me as being schizo, or something close to that. I don't remember the exact diagnosis, but it was either schizo, or schizo tendencies.

For those who don't know, schizophrenia is abnormal social behavior and not really knowing what's real. Symptoms are false beliefs, unclear or confused thinking, auditory hallucinations, reduced social engagement and emotional expression, and lack of motivation.

I'm just... I'm at this point where I'm tired of this. I'm tired of being unmotivated, and not being able to click with and talk to people around me. If it's family, it's easy, but if it's anyone else, it's like my brain and my mouth are separated. I have to think everything out and force myself to say it or I won't say anything.

I'm also tired of not having any drive or motivation. My two younger sisters (one is turning 20 this year, the other is 15) both have jobs. They both got jobs around 13, and I didn't understand why they wanted that. I still don't. I don't understand how they can want that, and how it can make them happy, but for me it's the worst thing in the world.
I have no drive to do anything with my life. Not get married, not get a job, not go to college.
The only thing that brought me here, was the overwhelming feeling of being a failure. I'm 21 years old and while I have had jobs (working for my dad, although it was always forced) I've never had a job where I was actually employed by someone who wasn't family. I don't have a high school degree or a GED, and I don't have any friends or really anyone to talk to.

What the heck should I do? I don't know if we can afford for me to get a therapist, but at this point I don't think anything else will even help.
I hope there are a few people who knows what this is like, and don't just yell at me, thinking that I'm just lazy and there's nothing else to it.

Thank you to anyone and everyone that takes the time to read this and leave their feedback, it is much appreciated.

[CANDC]

Hi Cyndex. welcome to Psych Central. I am sorry you are suffering from challenges with schizophrenia and working on anxiety.

Here is one of the most inspiring talks about mental illness by a person that is suffering from Schizophrenia and a college professor.

In the meantime, lifestyle changes can give a little boost. Here are some of the things that help me. I have to watch what I eat because foods I eat can stabilize my moods or exaggerate them. A high protein low carb diet with snacks or meals every 3-4 hours will over time reduce my swings. I also avoid alcohol and recreational drugs because those can really increase depression.

Other lifestyle changes that help me are doing yoga, exercises, mindfulness, calm music, and being active on Psych Central.

Besides helping support each other many people here at PC also have a therapist to talk things out and a psychiatrist or psych doc to diagnose and prescribe meds to help balance things our.

The depression chat meets every Thursday night 9pm EDT EST. You need 5 posts or replies to other posts to use the chat room. schedule is here.
Anxiety chat is on Friday night 8pm EDT EST.

Some people find the forums give them the compassion and empathy they seek. http://forums.psychcentral.com

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

[Nike007]

Hello. Welcome to Psych Central .

Anyways, I have no idea about your schizophrenia, but your anxiety has triggered depression. You should probably tell the psychologist about that. I don't know what type of anxiety, or multiple, you have, but you should make sure you get treated for that too. You should looking into the schizophrenia forum, the anxiety forum, and the depression forum. People from there may be able to give you advice to help you in your goal.

If you have questions about anxiety, depression, or just want someone to talk to, you can always PM me. Hope this helps .

[Dog on a Tree]

Hello and welcome to the forums =)

You are not lazy or anything like that. Hopefully seeing the therapist will help give some more insight and help find ways to battle and eventually overcome the lack of motivation.
Depression can deprive you of motivation and perhaps you have depression?

[googley]

Hello and welcome to PC.

My first suggestion is that if you live in the US you check and see if you would qualify for Medicaid. I don't know if you would given you live with family, but you should check. In my state you may qualify but as a single person you would have to be looking for a job but they provide assistance with that. If you do that would cover your mental health treatments so you could see a therapist and a psychiatrist. It would also cover any physical health treatments. It sounds like your parents are already worried about you given that they took you to see the psychologist. You should talk to them about getting more help. You can't know if they would be able to pay for treatment for you unless you ask.