[takingbackthecrown]

from the time i was maybe 6, to the time i was 12 or so, my mom got mad at me every time i had to go to the bathroom. one time that i remember she made me drink lots of water and timed me so i had to wait a certain amount of time before i could go, even though i begged her to let me and started crying. she made me use my allowance to buy diapers that i had to keep next to my bed because i wasnt allowed to get up. i shared a room with my younger sister who thought this was funny. my mom came up with different punishment like i had to go outside with her at night and pee in the snow if i needed to go after my bedtime.. i used to dread going to bed because i always had to pee ;-; once my mom came in and saw me peeing in a bucket at night because i was scared of her yelling at me when i came out of my room, and she was like, "really?!" and started laughing and said, "look at ___, peeing in a bucket" and called my dad in and they yelled and my mom was laughing and shaking her head. if i went in her bathroom and she caught me she would yell.. if i had to go i'd literally wait up for hours until my parents went to bed and sneak down the hall to the bathroom. other times she would stand at the bathroom door and watch me and tell me i didnt have to go that bad if i couldnt go with her watching and send me back to bed without peeing cuz i couldnt with her there. she said it was abnormal and up until i was like 13 i was scared to ask to go to the bathroom in public because she'd be like ugh you JUST went, no you cant go, wait. even if it was right there and i got embarrassed. i used to pee outside in the yard behind trees when i was out playing, because if i came inside i'd either get sent back out or yelled at. later, when i was 12 and 13, i used to secretly do things like get an old sweater or a pair of pajama pants and actually pee on them, just standing there on the bathroom floor.. i found some of my sister's old diapers and would use those.. also maxi-pads.. at this point my mom wasnt making me do it, i was just doing it because i wanted to.. (i DONT do this anymore) when i was 14, if my mom heard me getting up upstairs or the bathroom door creak, she would yell "go back to bed." i was always very secretive about it and never told anyone, but lately im thinking about it again.. i realized it turns me on to watch people pissing themselves. which is not normal i know that. this is all really humiliating but i need to know if this is abuse and if my mom has caused this or what... please dont laugh at me ._.

[Mountainbard]

I'm sorry this happened to you. I would say it definitely is abuse and your mom was the main abuser. You can get more insight/opinions on this in the survivors of abuse forum here. If you're not seeing one a good therapist could help you a lot in dealing with this. Remember to be gentle with yourself.

[tearsinabottle]

Yes it is abuse. She was the main abuser as the other say.

I am sorry too that this happened to you. It was not your fault.

[takingbackthecrown]

thank you.. its good to know that im not exaggerating or over-dramatizing

[marmaduke]

You are not over dramatising at all.
Awful woman to do that to you.

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[TMac1010]

Abuse happens in many different forms. The goal of the abuser is to have power and control over you and hope they don't get caught for doing it. Very sad, hugs to you!

[yagr]

There may be cases out there, but I've never known anyone to ask the question, "is this abuse?" and the answer be 'no'. If you have to ask, the answer is 'yes'.

That said, I read your post in its entirety and would echo what everyone else has said - yes, it is abuse. You are a survivor.

[starfruit504]

I'm so sorry to read that. There's nothing funny about it, that's a terrible thing to do someone. I agree with others that it sounds very abusive.

Originally Posted by yagr

There may be cases out there, but I've never known anyone to ask the question, "is this abuse?" and the answer be 'no'. If you have to ask, the answer is 'yes'.

Word. I'm definitely starting to realize that too yagr. I wish I knew that 10 years ago (or I wish I could have HEARD that and understood it 10 years ago).

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

That is definately abuse - on many different levels... psychological, emotional, even sexual to a degree, n physical to another degree...

And yes, bc of the psychological abuse side to this and your age while it was going on especially, it is very easy to understand how this could cause you to feel an attraction to something that you may or may not truly have an attraction to - simply because it reminds you so strongly of the abuse.

I do not think you will find anyone here that will laugh at you but you may find it easier to talk in the abuse forum. *hugs*