[annabellacat]

Well,through a combination of pressure/being pushed and doing some spiritual healing work,I finally feel over my ptsd I had since spring. I am at a place of understanding and acceptance about what happened and feel strong and ready to let it go and move on. It's of the past now and I feel the freedom within me from letting go of it. It's like a veil has been lifted.This made me very happy and excited about life but then I realized wow I wasted so much of my life from the drama of the panic attacks and being so scared to be in my own home. I feel a bit...stupid and ashamed a bit. I hate how whenever I overcome something I look back and feel I wasted so much time being stuck on it. I was lurking some old friend's social media's pages and they look so happy and are living their dreams and feel freedom. It's amazing and yet here I have been not living my dreams lately. It makes me sad. I want to soar ahead now and make things happen. I just feel there's so much more I can do.

I still have the mild agoraphobia. That's something I've had for years now but the ptsd from this spring is now gone. I should be celebrating that I can be in my house now alone and I was but now i've overwhelmed about creating a more independent future. I get anxiety since i'm not 21 anymore.It's a limiting belief I have. It's like if i was 21,it would be so much easier is what i keep thinking which i should stop. I know I need to take things in steps and relax and be positive but I want to charge ahead trying to earn money since I haven't been earning money for over a year now because of my agoraphobia and working on my dreams. Any advice/tips? I've manifested some amazing things in my time despite my agoraphobia but now those achievements don't mean as much to me,I hate to say,and I want bigger. I almost feel guilty even trying to do the little things like traveling alone for jobs that won't even really make money but are great for resume and going out with friends or to a cafe by myself. It's like i'm so conflicted. Part of me knows I need to do even those things again to do the bigger things and my dreams give me a fire that I need but then there's guilt not being able to do more.

AnnaBellaCat, my advice is to live one day at a time. We think we can plan our lives, we cannot. We can only be responsible and manage what our obligations say we must, but many try to live their own lives. I believe and practice the concept that my higher power is in control of my life whom i like to call God. He knows better than i so i pray for direction as to what He would have me to do and then the power to do it, his power not mine. If i had the power to change my life then i would never have suffered heart ache or sorrow, but i have. That tells me i am very human, vulnerable, weak and i make mistakes, constantly. I am happy for the progress you made. To me it sounds like God healed you. And we do get healed, in small steps, gradual ones. I find it is as i rely upon Him daily and seek Him that I draw off of his strength, for in my weakness is his strength manifested. I find for me being grateful for what i have and being cared for by Him to meet all my needs gives me the energy and power to be positive and move forward. Blessings.

[avlady]

i am slightly agorophobic too. i know the guilt feeling too. one day at a time is so true.

[annabellacat]

Originally Posted by omegalamed

AnnaBellaCat, my advice is to live one day at a time. We think we can plan our lives, we cannot. We can only be responsible and manage what our obligations say we must, but many try to live their own lives. I believe and practice the concept that my higher power is in control of my life whom i like to call God. He knows better than i so i pray for direction as to what He would have me to do and then the power to do it, his power not mine. If i had the power to change my life then i would never have suffered heart ache or sorrow, but i have. That tells me i am very human, vulnerable, weak and i make mistakes, constantly. I am happy for the progress you made. To me it sounds like God healed you. And we do get healed, in small steps, gradual ones. I find it is as i rely upon Him daily and seek Him that I draw off of his strength, for in my weakness is his strength manifested. I find for me being grateful for what i have and being cared for by Him to meet all my needs gives me the energy and power to be positive and move forward. Blessings.

Thanks for your comment. I am going to try and surrender more.

[annabellacat]

Originally Posted by avlady

i am slightly agorophobic too. i know the guilt feeling too. one day at a time is so true.

Yes,it is. I now am comfortable in my apartment so just need to move on from here. Well,it would help if there wasn't emotional dramas going on but it's starting to ease up.