Zen, Ego, and The Shiny New Toy

I was thinking today of small kids playing with a shiny new toy. You interact with it, you bring to the experience what you already know, and you learn new skills through this fresh experience. When it comes to the "Ego", it's like it's not even there. You are not really aware that YOU are playing with the toy, it's just you in the experience. Pure feedback. "The experience has itself", in a very "flow" like, "zen" like way!

Now, what happens if something unexpectedly bad occurs? The toy shoots a plastic missile in your face, or it falls to pieces, etc. Now you have a negative association with this object and this experience ... and there lies a seed for possible future hangups!

What happens if someone else comes along and mentions it broke or shot you because you are "clumsy" or even "stupid"? What happens if another kid comes along with a much bigger and shinier toy and everyone starts paying more attention to them than to you? Now we have a basis for the "Ego" in the negative sense people refer to as adults ... Ego = "other people have better stuff", "other people are more competent than I", "other people think I'm an idiot", and so forth. So the way I see it, "bad Ego" means a self-image that contains information that hurts us, makes us feel small, or less-than, inadequate, incompetent, etc. and these perceptions are formed when we are acutely aware that "I", or "This Self" (Ego) is actually playing with something and relating to others in a way that suddenly isn't fun anymore.

When I talk about playing with toys, it's really a metaphor for a lot of experiences where we either experienced a sense of flow and accomplishment, OR a sense of "I can make bad things happen without meaning to", "I am not as adept as others", "I am missing out on things that are better", etc. basically, EGO in the pejorative sense is "BAD ME" ... and whatever we did (and still do) with that in order to manage the painful feelings.

it only hurts when i touch it

What you're describing is learned helplessness. A belief that no matter what you do you will fail; a resignation to failure. Moreover, a belief that you have no control over the outcome of a situation. So why even try, right? It's pointless.

Self efficacy is the belief that you have the ability to bring about the desired result. If the toy shoots an arrow into your face your behavior made a mistake. You can create a different outcome by changing your behavior. In short, it's a belief that you can do what you want to do. You have the power and ability.

You may want to read the writings of Dr. Albert Bandura.