[FightingTheStorm]

I don't really know how to describe how I'm feeling, or what it is, really. I just...I don't know. I was fine this morning... My roommate left around 3? Maybe 4....I don't remember. She left only about an hour after she got home from work. And then I've been alone since she left. I keep spacing out, and spacing out has me losing time. And then I keep getting up and walking to a place in the apartment and forgetting why I walked over there, so I come back and sit down and it happens again some other time... I'm so tired.... I haven't felt like this in a while. Luckily I had time to use at work so I'm staying home and recuperating. Not that one day will do all that much, but maybe it will, who knows... Sorry, this isn't really one of those, 'please help, what do I do?' things, this is sort of just me venting and trying to figure things out outside of my head because my head has too much going on to figure this out inside there. Typing things out makes me feel a little better anyway, because I'm getting things out, I guess? Just like writing helps, too. And this is a form of writing now, one that doesn't hurt my wrist as much, so this type of venting happens more than the writing with pen and paper type of venting.

....I just realized that a lot of that was probably rambling and didn't actually make that much sense for anyone outside of my head that might be reading this. I'm so sorry... I'm going to go relax and close my eyes for awhile then... Maybe Papyrus will actually snuggle with me for a little while....

-Tian

Originally Posted by FightingTheStorm

I don't really know how to describe how I'm feeling, or what it is, really. I just...I don't know. I was fine this morning... My roommate left around 3? Maybe 4....I don't remember. She left only about an hour after she got home from work. And then I've been alone since she left. I keep spacing out, and spacing out has me losing time. And then I keep getting up and walking to a place in the apartment and forgetting why I walked over there, so I come back and sit down and it happens again some other time... I'm so tired.... I haven't felt like this in a while. Luckily I had time to use at work so I'm staying home and recuperating. Not that one day will do all that much, but maybe it will, who knows... Sorry, this isn't really one of those, 'please help, what do I do?' things, this is sort of just me venting and trying to figure things out outside of my head because my head has too much going on to figure this out inside there. Typing things out makes me feel a little better anyway, because I'm getting things out, I guess? Just like writing helps, too. And this is a form of writing now, one that doesn't hurt my wrist as much, so this type of venting happens more than the writing with pen and paper type of venting.

....I just realized that a lot of that was probably rambling and didn't actually make that much sense for anyone outside of my head that might be reading this. I'm so sorry... I'm going to go relax and close my eyes for awhile then... Maybe Papyrus will actually snuggle with me for a little while....

-Tian

Some days are great, some okay, and some are ...bleh.

I also find writing very cathartic. I have more books and writings than most attorneys.

Relax, find a healthy distraction, and try to get some rest.

Fighting,

This is my only safe place online. I don't visit often but when I do I think that I'm best known for my prodigious posts. This will not be one of them.

I only want to say a few things but I'll not offer any advice. You can think of this as your safe place, too. We're all crazy here so no one is going to be shocked at anything you'd like to say. I think that it's safe to say that all of us here have bad and better days (I can't say in truth that I have "good" days). Don't worry if you don't receive a reply – frankly, I don't know where the thousands of messages per day end up. I'll read 6-7 messages in the same forums and call it quits. Others will post thousands of messages in a variety of forums over a two month period.

I don't know how many people are here... it seems that there are 75-100 new members over each 24 hour period.

I'm in a pretty loopy/bleh place myself today. I know that I'm having a worse than bad day when my hallucinations are constant and I don't get out of bed. A really depressing day. I want to assemble a personal mental health dictionary so that I can escape the repetition of the words and phrases that we all use to describe our feelings. Even those of us who have no intention of self-harm will write, "I just can't take this any longer." But we do. There needs to be a better way to express reaching the edge of the abyss without indicated that you're ready to leap in.

Feel welcome to come back at any time, even if only to vent. I'm 57 years old and it's only in the past year or so that I've felt anger, so I do a lot of venting these days.