[rywillia]

I was married for almost 18 years to a narcissist. I moved out a year ago and we have been divorced for 7 months. He still taunts me every day.

How do I deal with the fact I can't forgive myself for allowing this to happen. My anxiety levels are out of control. I have been to counseling.

Any advice would be appreciated.

You are not to blame.

I did a lot of work with my therapist on my past and the 'wrongs' committed against me that have affected my core beliefs about myself. One very good exercise was to create an Evidence For and Against chart regarding things I felt I was responsible for. I was also directed to write out a Credo. These things I was reluctant to do but they helped a great deal.

[Fuzzybear]

Agreed, you are not to blame......

[Rose76]

How does he "still taunt you everyday?" Do you receive phone calls, texts or messages via social media from him? If so, that may not be the healthiest arrangement. What advice does your counselor give you?

I have a little different take on the "blame" issue than the replies above. I am not real accepting of the notion that, in order to feel good about ourselves, we have to see ourselves as innocent of any responsibility for what we have gone through in life, as adults. IMHO, that can be a disempowering way of looking at things. Instead, I see you as having come to a point where you understood that you didn't have to keep accepting what you had been allowing. That led to your victory in liberating yourself from the circumstance you were in.

I left a man after having spent 7 years tolerating him coming home drunk all the time. I was so grateful to myself for coming to understand that leaving was an option and taking that option. I did sometimes think that I should have gotten to that place sooner. But I decided that it took as long as it took for me to make the move I made. Unhappy experience is still experience, and we are the wiser for having had it. It allows us to truly "know" what we come to know.

The longer that you were with this man, the bigger your victory in leaving.

Stop beating yourself over the head blaming yourself for his behavior. You were clueless and believed the promises and got stuck. Now you are free so have gratitude you have sprung the trap. See them as a victim of their own behavior not able to break the cycle for help and you are the one healthy! blessings and tc