[KayWable]

I don't know what else to say except my life feels meaningless. It always has as a child and as an adult it feels more and more so. I lost my father last year to cancer. My therapist of 4 years and I had to end it because his own mental health issues interfered with the treatment. Management of my building is trying to evict me even though I have succession rights. All of this while I'm trying to actually do something with my life. I became Microsoft Office Certified this month and am proud of myself, but having no active job skills to put on a resume depresses me more.

Just feeling so empty this past year. Life is meaningless to me and don't know what else to do. Even family cannot cheer me up.

Possible trigger:

Just secretly asking God to take me in peace during the night without suffering.

[HD7970GHZ]

Hi Kaywable,

I am sorry for your loss.

I want you to know that you are not alone... And that your life has purpose and meaning even though it may not feel that way. I am just going to write some stuff that I feel may help you and perhaps it will plant some seeds in your head. Ultimately, this phase that you are in WILL pass. Perhaps there is a way we can fast-forward it.

I have felt the way you do now. For me it was a phase that came and went periodically throughout my life. In fact, right now I am struggling with this phase and quite literally the moment I saw your post I was feeling the exact same way. So thank you for making me feel less alone - I needed a reminder.

There is a grief process to loss. After all, with change comes loss. You certainly have experienced a lot of loss recently in your life and these feelings you are having are quite normal. I am not trying to trivialize your experience or invalidate it. Loneliness and meaninglessness is extremely profound and timeless experiences. There isn't a human being on earth that doesn't question these things. Truth is, we are not alone whether we like it or not. Looking out into the stars we can recognize how small and infinitesimal we actually are, yet somewhere in all of that possibility: we came about. We exist, we are.

Think back to your childhood or to your family... Look through an old photo album. Revisit old towns or buildings or houses that had significant roles in your life. What is it about those things that have meaning? My guess is it is the memories... My guess is those memories are both good AND bad... Regardless if they are good or bad memories, they have meaning.

Do you think those memories would exist if you never did anything, tried anything? My guess is no.

Sometimes people fail to realize that bad memories are an inevitable part of life and play an equally important role in life. There is meaning in the negative memories... Perhaps you are creating more negative memories at this time in your life and thus, it feels as though life is meaningless as a result. Though it may be hard to accept, this is just one chapter of your life, one of many to come. Good news is - you are still alive and so you can make new memories! Even when you are grieving and going through a dark period; joy is as much a possibility as any other emotion. So how do we excite the more positive emotions so as to create more positive memories?

---------------------------------------

Whenever I am in this phase I tend to think some external force will come snap me out of it, like when I too depressed to wake up from my bed and wait for someone to grab my hand and be my caregiver... (I wish, but not going to happen). In the end I have come to realize that I had to be the one to go out and initiate change and search for meaning. I had to create meaning in my life; starting with small things, VERY small things. Like a cup of tea. Or being mindful of a thought, a feeling, a Color, a smell. I had to explore my likes and dislikes. Once I found these things, I was able to build a sense of self and recognize who I am and why I am unique and perfect just the way I am. I had to find out who I was so that I could navigate all that life has to offer and find out where I belonged. Birds of a feather flock together - but first we need to know what kind of bird we are...

Are you a volunteer? I found that when I was in this phase I was SO very stuck in my head. It was all I knew and I actually thought (for a time) that all that was going on in my head was all there was to life... How very scary and so, so boring. I'm just one person and I've only got one set of eyes when there are billions. Forcing myself out of my comfort zone made me realize how much meaning there actually was. I realized that I could make a difference in others lives, no matter how small or large. I realized that everyone struggles in this world, that life is not easy, that we all deserve a little bit of help and that sometimes we have to ask for it and ask multiple times at that.

I don't know if any of this is helping, but I do know that you are important. I know that you can create new memories in your life and more meaning if you go out and look for it. But be prepared - it may come in the form of something you may never have guessed. Filling your life with different things, new things - will open up the possibilities.

Go skydiving, go do something you've always wanted to do even if it is not enjoyable. Watch your favorite movie. Watch your least favorite movie! Go talk to a homeless person. Buy them a coffee and listen to their life story. Write a post about your life or a topic you think is worthy of being shared. Buy a tropical plant and try to keep it alive. Go get a fish or a pet. Find a book about this feeling of loneliness and meaningless. Find a new therapist if you don't already have one and ask about these very important things. Get moving, go exercise. Go travelling or on a mini-vacation in your vicinity. Go onto a bus or transit and get lost in the city! Go to the public court system and find public records about a famous court case and read through the horrors in law. Read about innocently accused in jails. Listen to movie theme songs and walk around public places imagining epic battle scenes in public locations. Go for a ride-along with the police officer. Write a story that follows a character going through the same trials and tribulations that you are currently going through. You write what you know. See how the story unfolds. See how the character finds his way out of loneliness and back into meaning and purpose. Write it in such a way that readers will utilize the character transformation as a therapeutic aid in their own struggles with loneliness and meaninglessness.

Write the story that you wished you could read, right now - so that you could fast forward your current experiences. You have a TON of valuable insight. Share it. Surely there is meaning in that!

The simple answer is that doing nothing will most likely fill your life with the same nothing that you are feeling. Something needs to change - and the easiest thing to change is whatever is in your control. By trying new things and by getting into new environments it could very well bring meaning into your life.

There are meetup groups all around the world. They are amazing for meeting new people! I struggled so much to force myself to go but when I did, there were people like me who were simply needing an outlet to get out of loneliness and meaningless lives.

Treat everyday like it is your last. Ask yourself: what would you do if today was the last day on earth and force yourself to do at least 1 thing that would go along with that. It is hard to find the energy or the motivation to even break the depression associated with these very scary feelings that you are having - but once you feel the rewards you will overcome the weight of loneliness and meaninglessness and ultimately, you will find a new joy for life.

I believe in you.

I hope that will plant some seeds.

HD

[KayWable]

Originally Posted by HD7970GHZ

Hi Kaywable,

I am sorry for your loss.

I want you to know that you are not alone... And that your life has purpose and meaning even though it may not feel that way. I am just going to write some stuff that I feel may help you and perhaps it will plant some seeds in your head. Ultimately, this phase that you are in WILL pass. Perhaps there is a way we can fast-forward it.

I have felt the way you do now. For me it was a phase that came and went periodically throughout my life. In fact, right now I am struggling with this phase and quite literally the moment I saw your post I was feeling the exact same way. So thank you for making me feel less alone - I needed a reminder.

There is a grief process to loss. After all, with change comes loss. You certainly have experienced a lot of loss recently in your life and these feelings you are having are quite normal. I am not trying to trivialize your experience or invalidate it. Loneliness and meaninglessness is extremely profound and timeless experiences. There isn't a human being on earth that doesn't question these things. Truth is, we are not alone whether we like it or not. Looking out into the stars we can recognize how small and infinitesimal we actually are, yet somewhere in all of that possibility: we came about. We exist, we are.

Think back to your childhood or to your family... Look through an old photo album. Revisit old towns or buildings or houses that had significant roles in your life. What is it about those things that have meaning? My guess is it is the memories... My guess is those memories are both good AND bad... Regardless if they are good or bad memories, they have meaning.

Do you think those memories would exist if you never did anything, tried anything? My guess is no.

Sometimes people fail to realize that bad memories are an inevitable part of life and play an equally important role in life. There is meaning in the negative memories... Perhaps you are creating more negative memories at this time in your life and thus, it feels as though life is meaningless as a result. Though it may be hard to accept, this is just one chapter of your life, one of many to come. Good news is - you are still alive and so you can make new memories! Even when you are grieving and going through a dark period; joy is as much a possibility as any other emotion. So how do we excite the more positive emotions so as to create more positive memories?

---------------------------------------

Whenever I am in this phase I tend to think some external force will come snap me out of it, like when I too depressed to wake up from my bed and wait for someone to grab my hand and be my caregiver... (I wish, but not going to happen). In the end I have come to realize that I had to be the one to go out and initiate change and search for meaning. I had to create meaning in my life; starting with small things, VERY small things. Like a cup of tea. Or being mindful of a thought, a feeling, a Color, a smell. I had to explore my likes and dislikes. Once I found these things, I was able to build a sense of self and recognize who I am and why I am unique and perfect just the way I am. I had to find out who I was so that I could navigate all that life has to offer and find out where I belonged. Birds of a feather flock together - but first we need to know what kind of bird we are...

Are you a volunteer? I found that when I was in this phase I was SO very stuck in my head. It was all I knew and I actually thought (for a time) that all that was going on in my head was all there was to life... How very scary and so, so boring. I'm just one person and I've only got one set of eyes when there are billions. Forcing myself out of my comfort zone made me realize how much meaning there actually was. I realized that I could make a difference in others lives, no matter how small or large. I realized that everyone struggles in this world, that life is not easy, that we all deserve a little bit of help and that sometimes we have to ask for it and ask multiple times at that.

I don't know if any of this is helping, but I do know that you are important. I know that you can create new memories in your life and more meaning if you go out and look for it. But be prepared - it may come in the form of something you may never have guessed. Filling your life with different things, new things - will open up the possibilities.

Go skydiving, go do something you've always wanted to do even if it is not enjoyable. Watch your favorite movie. Watch your least favorite movie! Go talk to a homeless person. Buy them a coffee and listen to their life story. Write a post about your life or a topic you think is worthy of being shared. Buy a tropical plant and try to keep it alive. Go get a fish or a pet. Find a book about this feeling of loneliness and meaningless. Find a new therapist if you don't already have one and ask about these very important things. Get moving, go exercise. Go travelling or on a mini-vacation in your vicinity. Go onto a bus or transit and get lost in the city! Go to the public court system and find public records about a famous court case and read through the horrors in law. Read about innocently accused in jails. Listen to movie theme songs and walk around public places imagining epic battle scenes in public locations. Go for a ride-along with the police officer. Write a story that follows a character going through the same trials and tribulations that you are currently going through. You write what you know. See how the story unfolds. See how the character finds his way out of loneliness and back into meaning and purpose. Write it in such a way that readers will utilize the character transformation as a therapeutic aid in their own struggles with loneliness and meaninglessness.

Write the story that you wished you could read, right now - so that you could fast forward your current experiences. You have a TON of valuable insight. Share it. Surely there is meaning in that!

The simple answer is that doing nothing will most likely fill your life with the same nothing that you are feeling. Something needs to change - and the easiest thing to change is whatever is in your control. By trying new things and by getting into new environments it could very well bring meaning into your life.

There are meetup groups all around the world. They are amazing for meeting new people! I struggled so much to force myself to go but when I did, there were people like me who were simply needing an outlet to get out of loneliness and meaningless lives.

Treat everyday like it is your last. Ask yourself: what would you do if today was the last day on earth and force yourself to do at least 1 thing that would go along with that. It is hard to find the energy or the motivation to even break the depression associated with these very scary feelings that you are having - but once you feel the rewards you will overcome the weight of loneliness and meaninglessness and ultimately, you will find a new joy for life.

I believe in you.

I hope that will plant some seeds.

HD

Thank you so much for taking the time to write all of this to me. I don't have friends, but a few members of my family love me. I just cannot feel or accept the love because my mind always questions it. I am always suspicious and always afraid. Isolated most of my childhood due to abuse and physical abnormalities. They might not be significant, but they were and are to me. Imagine being told you aren't normal since childhood.

I know a lot of my internal torment is self loathing. While I don't hate myself, I do feel sorry and sad for myself. I cannot receive or accept the love or accept the changes people around me have made. I only feel the pain playing in my head like a film. It is so hard for me especially right now.

I do have times when it seems like sunshine is breaking through my clouds, but it isn't often. I enjoy creative writing and have a story I have been trying to write for ten years now. I just can never get it right. Can't decide how best to tell my story through my character's eyes while also separating myself from my fantasy world.

Your post has given me slight joy and has raised my spirits a little. It is serious food for thought and I will refer back to this post from time to time to just give me some reminders of things I can try to do.

I understand and feel your being stuck when it comes to returning to work. I too realize i have no bankable skills to market myself and I'm very much afraid of failure or getting in over my head if I do find something. I'm getting a lot of pressure from my psychiatrist to do so. He doesn't seem to understand my very real fears. To get off assistance - in order to pay not just living expenses but medical/pharmaceutical, I need more than a minimum wage job. I just don't see that as possible without skills

[KayWable]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

I understand and feel your being stuck when it comes to returning to work. I too realize i have no bankable skills to market myself and I'm very much afraid of failure or getting in over my head if I do find something. I'm getting a lot of pressure from my psychiatrist to do so. He doesn't seem to understand my very real fears. To get off assistance - in order to pay not just living expenses but medical/pharmaceutical, I need more than a minimum wage job. I just don't see that as possible without skills

Thanks for sharing your experience. I believe our failing economy has made the demand for work very high. Unfortunately, with job scarcity comes greater need for employers to be picky and choose the very best. With that being said, people in our situation will often end up left out or having a harder struggle to stay afloat. It is a vicious cycle of not having enough skills and experience to get a job and not having a job to develop skills and experience. I agree that minimum wage isn't enough anymore. I wish you good luck.