[fosterthehuman]

yesterday i had a huge meltdown. i was super stressed at work and i constantly feel like i do everything wrong. also i got back together with my bf a few months ago. he used to be emotionally abusive to me and sometimes he still is, and yesterday i got really upset with him whenever he made a comment or something. i have really bad anxiety and i tend to ask a lot of reassuring questions in order to calm down (ik it's annoying and bad) and i asked him if he thinks i'm a b**** cause sometimes i feel like i come off mean. since i couldn't hear his response i asked him if he heard me and he got upset cause i always ask the same questions. and then when i had to get out the car i ended up getting upset and slammed the door. then later he asked me what i wanted to eat and then he asked if i was okay with having some chicken from target and i was like "sure i guess." and he went "it sounds like that's not good enough for you and that's really ******." and then i got super defensive and was like "i don't ****ing car where we go to eat i'm just in a really bad mood and i didn't mean that chicken isn't good enough for me." i admit i was pretty much yelling. also, i have social anxiety and i was feeling really anxious too and i told him i was just gonna stay in the car while he goes into target. he got upset then i texted him and explained that it's cause of my sa and he was like "well you can buy your own food then." but he ended up buying food for both of us. but when he got back in the car he said i was selfish cause i didn't go with him and he had to pay for dinner. then i yelled at him saying that i'm not being selfish, i told you i was gonna stay in the car and it was your choice to buy the food, i can pay for myself. i felt horrible about everything i said. when we got to his house i ended up crying in the bathroom, he tried to hug me but i rejected it, idk why. then he got upset and started yelling saying that he can't do anything to help if i won't let him. i feel so bad. i'm a horrible gf. i just got so frustrated with everyone. we eventually hugged and got over it, but it still bothers me about how i acted. like i really can't forgive myself. i feel like he didn't deserve to go through that. now i feel like a hypocrite bringing up his abusive behavior cause showing from yesterday, i was acting like that as well. can i get some advice? or is there anyone who is/has been in an abusive relationship and ever acted like this?

[Nammu]

Sounds like your using your anxiety for an excuse for bad behavior. (I didn't mean to do this but it's the anxiety.) Maybe your not ready for a relationship until you've worked on coping methods with a T or in a group that's lead by a T?

I have to agree with Nammu, you cannot give what you don't have. Work on your anxiety before trying to hitch up, it is not fair to the other person... tc (((hugs)))

[Ceara1010]

I don't know your relationship history with this guy, so I can't necessarily conclude that your post describes an "abusive relationship." This is just one fight your describe, and getting in a fight with your boyfriend isn't necessarily abnormal or let alone abusive.

People get in bad moods and say things they don't mean to people they care about. And this particularly happens with couples. It's not good, but it's also pretty normal. And couples fight, even over dumb things like "what should we have for dinner." They fight, they make up....

I would be alarmed if your fight included hitting or pushing, or any other physical signs of violence. But just arguing over Target chicken doesn't raise any alarm bells with me. Right now, all I can conclude is maybe you both were having a bad day and were spoiling for an argument.

--Ceara1010

[fosterthehuman]

Originally Posted by Ceara1010

I don't know your relationship history with this guy, so I can't necessarily conclude that your post describes an "abusive relationship." This is just one fight your describe, and getting in a fight with your boyfriend isn't necessarily abnormal or let alone abusive.

People get in bad moods and say things they don't mean to people they care about. And this particularly happens with couples. It's not good, but it's also pretty normal. And couples fight, even over dumb things like "what should we have for dinner." They fight, they make up....

I would be alarmed if your fight included hitting or pushing, or any other physical signs of violence. But just arguing over Target chicken doesn't raise any alarm bells with me. Right now, all I can conclude is maybe you both were having a bad day and were spoiling for an argument.

--Ceara1010

Oh no, i wasn't trying to say that his behavior last night was wrong or abusive in any way. I guess I just brought it up cause I was so confused as to why I was so mad at him, I'm now realizing that I could communicate better with him as well as work on myself phsyically and emotionally. Thanks for responding, you helped me realize that what happened yesterday was normal. For some reason I thought my anger and behavior was uncommon and strange.