[Sethen132]

I dont know where to turn anymore. Im a 17 year old who lacks self discipline and confidence. I have ADD, bipolar depression, schizotypal personality disorder and generalized anxiety. I routinely abuse any substance I can get my hands on because Im tired of feeling like such a failure, I know I shouldnt but I cant find any other way to cope. My life was going fine despite my lack of peers up until my junior year when the anxiety became so horrible I felt like I was going to puke anytime I got near other kids. Part of me is afraid of interaction yet I still yearn to be part of "the group". Ever since I was old enough to go to school Ive been laughed at and picked on because Im different and I always thought that I would grow out of it or learn to control my impulsivity, but at the same time Im terrified of change. I just want to feel like myself again instead of this ball of nerves and self doubt.. I was at school one day about 4 or 5 months ago and I started sweating profusely in class, my muscles tensed up, I heard a ringing in my ears and I got a terrible headache. After running out of class I decided to take a walk down to the store for a soda but on the way there I felt this defined break in my thought processes. My life seemed to slow down, and I remember feeling as if I was looking at the world through glass. Like I was stuck inside a fishbowl, a prisoner within my head but at the same time I felt like I was.. everywhere at once. As if my consciousness had been widdled down to a point. I was left feeling like nothing but an animal, incapable of analytic reasoning and emotion. Since then the world has seemed like a different place. Am I completely insane? I feel alone even though my girlfriend loves me and tries her best to make me see the bright side of things. I just want to find someone who can put the pieces of my psyche back together because I dont know who I am anymore.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Sethen132: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral... from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

You don't mention, in your post, whether or not you're seeing a therapist or psychiatrist. I take it you are since you list several diagnoses. Really... this is the first step for you... that & dealing with your substance abuse which may require you to become involved in some sort of substance abuse rehab program.

I've struggled with anxiety for many years & I know it can cause all sorts of strange & disturbing sensations. No, you're not completely insane. You have some serious anxiety & substance abuse issues, & maybe a few other mental health concerns. But that doesn't make you insane. From my perspective, the fact that you are aware of the struggles you're having, & you want to heal, means there's more right with you than there is wrong with you.

However, you do need to accept the fact that you are the captain of your ship, so to speak. Although you're only 17, you're still going to have to be the one to decide that you are going heal & do what is necessary to make it happen. That's simply the way life is. Hopefully you have the support of your family. And there are mental health professionals & programs that can treat you. But, you still must make the commitment to heal. Being here on PC can help too. So please keep posting!

[Sethen132]

Thanks for taking the time to read all that and for rolling out the welcome mat so to speak. I am indeed seeing a therapist but I feel as if paying someone to listen to my problems isnt helping me get to the root of them anymore . I appreciate the kind words; that hug emoji just made my day haha. Finding this site has been a step in the right direction I can already tell

[Sethen132]

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

Hello Sethen132: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral... from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

You don't mention, in your post, whether or not you're seeing a therapist or psychiatrist. I take it you are since you list several diagnoses. Really... this is the first step for you... that & dealing with your substance abuse which may require you to become involved in some sort of substance abuse rehab program.

I've struggled with anxiety for many years & I know it can cause all sorts of strange & disturbing sensations. No, you're not completely insane. You have some serious anxiety & substance abuse issues, & maybe a few other mental health concerns. But that doesn't make you insane. From my perspective, the fact that you are aware of the struggles you're having, & you want to heal, means there's more right with you than there is wrong with you.

However, you do need to accept the fact that you are the captain of your ship, so to speak. Although you're only 17, you're still going to have to be the one to decide that you are going heal & do what is necessary to make it happen. That's simply the way life is. Hopefully you have the support of your family. And there are mental health professionals & programs that can treat you. But, you still must make the commitment to heal. Being here on PC can help too. So please keep posting!

I appreciate the time you took to read all that and for rolling out the welcome mat so to speak. Sorry to hear you suffer from some of the same issues. I am indeed seeing a therapist but I feel as if paying someone to listen to my problems isnt helping me get to the root of them anymore. Finding this site has been a step in the right direction I can already tell. That hug emoji honestly made my night. Would you happen to have any tips on dealing with anxiety? :thank you:

[Fuzzybear]

[Marla500]

Glad you are here, there is so much good stuff here and lots of people who can relate

Thinking of you xo

I hope it gets better for you soon it is not nice to feel that way

[DoWeHaVeApUrPoSe???]

street drugs will not help you. Im 24 and at the age of probably 18 to 22 played with street drugs. They might temporarily help the torture thats taking place in your head, but in the long run will only make things worse even if you don't realise it. Even worse when you mix with prescribed drugs. Im actually in a terrible place right now but i know that street drugs would make things even worse so my advice to you would be stick with prescribed and self help, think of how you want to feel in the future and even if it doesn't seem possible to ever feel like that, at least its something to work towards. Hope and pray that in time things will change even if they have been this way for some time. Until you have tried all the medications available as well as self help and professional help such as CBT etc if thats your thing, you would be a fool to give up on yourself and self medicate. This is a personal perspective and what i have realised in the last two years. Its a long road and can sometimes seem unbearable i know an example being i was on sertraline for two years just trying to find the right dose. Got up to max dose 200mg eventually to realise this medication wasn't for me, two years of my life experimenting with one drug to find out it was a waste of time. These things take a long time, mental health and medications isn't a quick fix be prepared for it take a very long time potentially before feeling that life is tolerable. Just don't give up on yourself until all options have been explored.

[lilcreecher]

That sounds like depersonalization. It's not uncommon in anxiety. Don't worry, you are not insane. You are just dealing with stuff the best you can. I used to get that glass feeling when driving.